Dad involving 3 year old in disputes.

I have a 50/50 custody arrangement with my ex of my 3 year old daughter. My ex is very verbally abusive, controling and a bully. My 3 year old came home this evening and out of the blue within 20mins said "Daddy said you are a "BI...H" and numerous other things. I was very upset. This man outwardly seems the perfect dad and person. He is not. I am very concerned about my daughters care with regard to his always involving her in our disputes and sending her home with inappropraite messages to me. I have no proof. I need help desparartly. he is very vindictive and angry at me. He is using our daughter and there is nothing I can do about it. I am an RN and very aware of the damage this can have on my child.

Samantha,
I am in a similar situation. my ex tells the kids that mom is a bad person, and is off the path that God wants her to be. His mother is verbally abusive, and screams profanity to me while he is on the phone to me.
There is really nothing you can do except document everything that she says to you about dad. you need to realize that as the kids grow up, they will decide for themselves who the 'bad' guy is. this whole situation will blow up in your ex's face.
try to be non-reactive as your daughter spills her guts to you. hope this helps

i too have the same - my real name is carolyn and it nice to meet you - i agree that all you can do is document; i also have my 6 yr old daughter in counseling and her peditrician agrees with that; go to church - just tonite i told my daughter to put her cross necklace on and when he says something that makes her feel bad hold her cross and pray; i have found that his behavior comes from his drinking and his family is an enabler; i have also stopped discussions with him in front of my daughter by sending a certified letter stating i will not talk to him in person - send me a letter to talk to me; as your child gets older he or she will know - the counselor told me that my job is going to be harder but the more consistent i am and the more we have a routine within time this will also help - have you thought moving away