Do I have to put up with this #%&$?

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. My daughter's father has joint custody. The court order states he is to have her every other weekend, every Wednesday, two weeks in the Summer, etc. He does not initiate visitation. His father does. Sometimes my ex is there. Sometimes not. They call about one weekend a month, on Saturday and then bring her home on Sunday. My ex lives with his parents (he is 34 years old). In the last three months, they have called twice. The last time she went to visit, she came home and informed my husband and I that she, her father, his girlfriend, and her three children were on their way to the movies when a fight ensued and the girlfriend tried to jump out of the car. She said about five police cars showed up. The girlfriend and other three children took off walking and the police had to take her and her father home. They would not let him drive the car home because he had a suspended license (in Texas, this is automatic go-to-jail with $500.00 bond, unless your father happens to be an investigator with the Sherriff's Department). My daughter was very upset about this. Now, last weekend the grandfather calls and wants to know if he can come pick my daughter up. My husband inquired about what had went on the prior visit. We were informed it was none of our business and that they had legal rights to see her. Now we know that "they" do not. The father does, but he is not initiating visitation. He also stated that they do not expect us to call them every time my husband and I have a little fight. I did not consider this a "little fight" and I feel they are making light of a volatile situation. I have always let my daughter see these people and have never said a word about the fact that her father does not pay his court-ordered child support or medical insurance. I will also add that this man always has a hateful attitude when he calls. I do not want to hurt my daughter. I know she loves these people. But I feel I have an obligation to protect her. I also feel that we deserve a certain amount of respect. They have been given schedules of baseball games and basketball games and have never attended. They never ask how she is doing in school. They completely blew off her birthday this year. No phone call, nothing. When they called last weekend (caller ID) I did not answer the phone. I am very intimidated by this man. But I am tired of being walked on. This is my question. What do I say to this man when he calls this weekend? Do I tell him that it is her father's obligation to initiate visitation (even though he does not have a driver's license and is an alcoholic and a drug addict who is not responsible enough to care for her without supervision)? And even at that, the grandfather allowed her in the car with him knowing he did not have a driver's license (my daughter also stated he had been drinking and then retracted that statement, so I'm not sure). I really need some feedback on this. What do I say to this man? How do I save face with my daughter? I just know I'm going to be the bad guy in the end. Thanks for listening.

Didn't you read the two posts/answers you received when you posted this one of those other times??

If you want a better response, use paragraphs, it is easier to breakdown and read for those of us who are willing to help. If you don't, then you won't get any good responses.

READ THE TWO RESPONSES YOU ALREADY GOT INSTEAD OF REPOSTING THE SAME QUESTION.

No, I suppose I didn't. I was having trouble with my post going through, and did not realize it had posted.

Thank you for your kindness.?

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Even what your daughter says. It sonds as if your daughter is being played to gain his affections. Document what changes in her that you see, document what she has said, document what he says and how he acts, if you can, get a conversation recorder, and let him know that every time he calls it will be recorded (I also suggest getting a seperate hone line for him to call you on-that the recorder is hooked up to - this way you do not have to stop the machine every time someone other than him calls you.) BUT ONLY TELL HIM THE FIRST TIME HE CALLS (while your recording).