Do I have to put up with this #%*&?

[lauralou]

I'm going to try and make this as short as possible. I posted a letter on 10/25/00 titled PLEASE HELP ME! The father of my six-year-old daughter does not initiate visitation, although he has joint custody. He lives with his parents (34-year-old with no money and no future). His father calls once a month to pick up my daughter on Saturday and bring her home on Sunday. Sometimes her father is there, sometimes not. Anyway, the last time she was there, there was an incident that occurred where my daughter and her father had to be taken home to the grandfather's house by police. He was driving a car in which himself, his girlfriend, my daughter and three other children were in. He and his girlfriend had a fight and she tried to jump out of the car while in motion. Apparently, they were on a busy street. My daughter says about five cop cars came and the girlfriend and the three other children got out of the car and walked. He was not allowed to drive the car home due to having a suspended license. My daughter stated that he had been drinking earlier at the house. In Texas, driving with a suspended license is automatic go to jail with $500.00 bond, but his father is an investigator for the sherriff's department. So go figure. My daughter was very upset about this incident. So the father's father calls two weekends ago to see if they could come and get her? My husband, and I promise you he was very polite, wanted to know what had went on the previous visit. He was informed it was none of his business and they had legal rights to her. We feel it is our business. Now I know he does not have legal rights. The father does, but he does not. I have let these people walk on me for six years. I have always let them see my daughter whenever they have asked (which is not often). I have put up with hateful attitudes. Their son does not pay his court ordered child support and I had decided not to pursue this because it is really no use. I have not held this as an issue, I have never mentioned it. Now, they called four times last weekend (caller ID) and I did not answer. What should I say to these people. My husband loves my daughter and supports her, not only financially, but in many other ways. These people never acknowledged her birthday this year. Even though they had been given a schedule of all baseball and basketball games, they did not attend any of them. They never ask how she is doing in school. No school clothes. Nothing. When they call this weekend, what should I say? I am somewhat intimidated by this man. Shouldn't it be the father's responsibility to initiate visitation with his daughter? I am also upset about the fact that he would disrespect my husband, a man who loves, cares about, and supports his granddaughter and feel he deserves some acknowledgement of this? What do you make of it? Please respond. My stomach is turning. I'm afraid my daughter will blame me if she does not get to see these people, but at the same time, we deserve respect, and I am to the point of demanding it. Any suggestions on how to approach this?

 

[Ukiah]

Sounds like child endangerment, get a very good attorney, and if they (g-parents) live in the same city, ask for a change of venue.

 

[navywife_tx]

For one thing, it was your business b/c police were involved and so was your daughter.I don't care what anyone says about what happens while she is in her father's care is none of your business b/c it is when it involves, drinking and driving, police,and physical abuse. You are correct in the fact that your ex has more rights then his father b/c the visitation states that the father gets visits, not the grandfather. You can ignore the phone calls unless it's your ex calling. You don't have to let your daughter go if you feel she is in danger. Atleast i wouldn't let her go.I would however check on the matter of your ex taking you to court by saying that he is trying to see his daughter(by the grandpa calling) and you aren't allowing it. Understand that? Hopefully one of the more knowledgeable brains on this board can clarify that for me.

 

[lauralou]

Thank you for your responses. I just wanted some one else's opinion and feedback on what I should do. You have been most helpful.

 

[Ukiah]

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Even what your daughter says. It sonds as if your daughter is being played to gain his affections. Document what changes in her that you see, document what she has said, document what he says and how he acts, if you can, get a conversation recorder, and let him know that every time he calls it will be recorded (I also suggest getting a seperate hone line for him to call you on-that the recorder is hooked up to - this way you do not have to stop the machine every time someone other than him calls you.) BUT ONLY TELL HIM THE FIRST TIME HE CALLS (while your recording).