Ex refuses to be flexible on visitation changes

[Manipulated]

I am the custodial parent although I have a joint parenting agreement (Illinois). My ex has visitation on Wed. and every other weekend. Occasionally I need to change a visitation, due to business travel or other personnel needs. When I ask him to keep the children over night and take them to school the next day, or change his visitation to another day in the week, he refuses. He says that if I don't meet him at the assigned times, I will be held on abandonment. I cannot have anyone else pick up the children (we meet at a public place) as he is verbally abusive. In addition, I have an order of protection that prevents him from coming to my home. How do I handle his manipulations? It should be noted that I have been flexible when he needed to make adjustments.

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[MySonsMom]

I'm not sure that there is much you can do. He has court ordered visitation, and you must abide by that. If he is unwilling to cooperate with you regarding your personal needs, there isn't a whole lot you can do to force him to accommodate your schedule/needs. He is not required by law to take them other then when he is suppose to. If he won't cooperate, it may be that you have to find alternative help/assistance for your children. All he is "required" to do is pay his support, and excercise his visitation...and if he chooses to not excersise his visitation there isn't a lot you can do about that either. You cannot force or expect someone (regardless who it is) to visit the children. Maybe someone else has an alternative suggestion, but I would suggest you not expect too much out of him, and seek other options. It's sad when 2 parents can't cooperate and communicate as in your case, but it does happen. All you should expect from him is to see them when he is scheduled too..and he is not obligated to change the schedule if he wishes not too. Sorry.



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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

 

[Illinois Parent]

I did have a similar experience, here in Illinois. I ended up petitioning the court that the visitation schedule placed an undue burden on me, the parent with sole custody. Yes, I have a JPA also, though I have been told that legally, the Sole Custody outweighs the JPA.

I had to come up with 'alternatives' that were truthfully in my ex's favor to get some 'flexibility' worked into the papers. Perhaps there is something along those lines that you could do also.

But, be warned. Everytime you go into court, it is a gamble. The judge could be having a bad day and decide that your request is unreasonable and 'punish' you for it. It is possible for you to lose 'sole' custody and have it switched to Joint or even him having Primary. Remember, there are no guarantees in court. Personally, I don't recommend going into court unless you truly have no options left.

As far as him being verbally abusive, that is a violation of the orders of protection. Have witnesses and document it. Every time. Don't drop the kids off without having someone there with you. When my ex was pulling that on me, I had witnesses in the staff of the McDonald's. That is the only way to keep from getting into a 'he said, she said', or worse, involving the kids.