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father doesn't want baby

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J

janna

Guest
Ok I apologize

You're right, bleak would be too realistic?
All it takes is love, and all will be well. Things will be great, especially for the child. Maybe she can even afford a nanny, or import an au pair, to help raise the child. Particularly if dad makes enough money to pay enough child support to provide for all the help she is going to need. Someone please put the links to the websites depicting the success stories for this young lady. All I can find are web sites with single and divorced people dragging their lives and kids through court modifications, taping telephone conversations, documenting evidence, fighting over evaluations to see who's the most unfit, complaining that their poor messed up kids counseling sessions with psychologists aren't helping....and then there's the teenage years.....mom's at work to make ends meet, the kid or kids are on their own to do _________________.??? And Ladyblu, forgive me, but I cannot even fathom having to keep track of 3 different fathers and stepmoms. How does the visitation work with that?
Even if she decides to raise this child alone with no contact or support from her ex-boyfriend, he can still come back later with a change of heart/agenda and wreak havoc in a hundred different ways. And if she pursues making him "man up" he will most likely demand his "rights" to the child too, causing a hundred different hells.... She needs to see the whole picture, and the long term picture, not just the cute cuddly baby
I am truly sorry, you guys, because I have yet to personally see a single or divorced mom raise a child successfully and well adjusted without a whole lot of money and a whole lot of help. And not many of them at that....
Someone please enlighten me to what really is in the best interest of children?
She says this child was not planned or wanted, so it's the biofather only who should have "kept it in his pants"? Why is it only men who have to "learn to say no" to sex if they don't want to be fathers and are involved with someone who also says they don't/won't get pregnant? Why don't women say no, and wait until it is planned and wanted with their partner? Doesn't everyone know that if you suspect you may have accidentally goofed in birth control methods, that the doctor can leagally prescribe birth control pills within 48 hours to prevent actual conception? No, babies should not be throw away items, but it should at least take more thought than letting the cat have a litter of kittens, eh?

To hurting: I truly just want you to be as informed as you possibly can get about this. It is a lifetime of 24/7 for 20 years and then some, that you are looking at. I am not being mean. Go read [www.divorcenet.com]for more ideas of what it is going to probably be like. You are committing to responsibilty for a life here. At least enter into this informed and realistically. For the chld's sake, know exactly what you're getting into, okay?
 


R

REParker819

Guest
Janna

Janna, my mother was a successful single mom. My oldest brother is married and is a state trooper. My older sister will be graduating from the university next spring, with a bachelor's in elementary education. I am attending school to become an RN, I am married, and have one beautiful daughter. I also have 2 younger brothers who both receive straight A's in their respective grades. I admit that it was hard growing up without my dad around, but that was his choice. He is apparently trying to make up for it by spending time with my little brothers and my daughter. Being a successful single mom requires love and patience. We did not have a lot of money. But we are all successful bc of our mother, who made the choice to raise us alone. I hope that this woman continues to have faith in herself. She CAN succeed.
 
L

LadyBlu

Guest
Re: Janna

REParker819 said:
Janna, my mother was a successful single mom. My oldest brother is married and is a state trooper. My older sister will be graduating from the university next spring, with a bachelor's in elementary education. I am attending school to become an RN, I am married, and have one beautiful daughter. I also have 2 younger brothers who both receive straight A's in their respective grades. I admit that it was hard growing up without my dad around, but that was his choice. He is apparently trying to make up for it by spending time with my little brothers and my daughter. Being a successful single mom requires love and patience. We did not have a lot of money. But we are all successful bc of our mother, who made the choice to raise us alone. I hope that this woman continues to have faith in herself. She CAN succeed.
Beautifully put REParker...I could not have said it better. For some reason people seem to think that it takes money.. and lots of it to raise a healthy, well adjusted child. It doesnt, it takes just as you stated .. Love and Patience... knowing which battles are worth fighting over and which ones arent. It means sacrificing the things you would like to have in order to provide your kids with what they need. It means giving unconditional love to a child that is being raised without a full time father by no fault of the child. It means doing your best to raise your child with principles and morals so that they will some day become a productive citizen and hopefully never have to suffer because of where they came from.

The love of a mother knows no boundaries.. there is nothing I wouldnt do for my kids. I also feel there is truly nothing my kids wouldnt do for me. They ARE MY LIFE, my reason for being... and that makes everything that we go through together as a family worthwhile.
 
G

Grandma B

Guest
Re: Janna

REParker819 said:
Janna, my mother was a successful single mom. My oldest brother is married and is a state trooper. My older sister will be graduating from the university next spring, with a bachelor's in elementary education. I am attending school to become an RN, I am married, and have one beautiful daughter. I also have 2 younger brothers who both receive straight A's in their respective grades. I admit that it was hard growing up without my dad around, but that was his choice. He is apparently trying to make up for it by spending time with my little brothers and my daughter. Being a successful single mom requires love and patience. We did not have a lot of money. But we are all successful bc of our mother, who made the choice to raise us alone. I hope that this woman continues to have faith in herself. She CAN succeed.

I, too, have known many women who successfully raised families on their own. In thinking about it, I really believe the most successful ones probably had the least financial means. Money makes life a bit simpler, for sure, but it is NOT a cure-all. I also know many financially secure two-parent families who weren't successful at all. Children don't come with guarantees, but are definitely worthwhile investments.
 
Q

quietlyhurting

Guest
Something I didn't mention...

I neglected to post some information. My ex-boyfriend is in the NROTC program... meaning someday he will be an officer in the Navy... does any one know if he could get in any trouble for abandoning his child? He doesn't feel it necissary to pay child support now. Another question I have is can he deny his parents rights to see the child... He is 21, and says he can do that.
 

LegalBeagle

Senior Member
Re: Something I didn't mention...

quietlyhurting said:
I neglected to post some information. My ex-boyfriend is in the NROTC program... meaning someday he will be an officer in the Navy... does any one know if he could get in any trouble for abandoning his child? He doesn't feel it necissary to pay child support now. Another question I have is can he deny his parents rights to see the child... He is 21, and says he can do that.
Your ex is full of it.. I suggest you refer to my first answer again.

The best thing you can do is to repost your question in one of the new boards.. Best to look at this fresh since it is so old..
 

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