Father's Visitation Vs Child's Best Interests

I am divorced with one child. This post is regarding visitation.

Last year my ex husband had our daughter overnights on Wednesdays (he took her to school on Thursdays) and Saturday night til Sunday afternoon. On occasion, each of us had conflicts with our schedules (such as working late or wanting to take a vacation) but always managed to work it out quite agreeably.

I moved one hour away this past June when I remarried. We still kept the same schedule this summer, meeting at a half way point for drop off and pick up with our daughter.

In July my ex asked me to change his visitation to every other weekend (Friday night til Sunday night) and still keep the Wednesdays nights til Thursday mornings. I agreed, even though I didn't want to.

Since school started in August, this overnight on Wednesdays isn't working. Invariably one of us is late because of a traffic jam or road construction, and that in turn makes my daughter late for school. We have started meeting a half hour earlier, but my daughter seems tired from lack of sleep. She doesn't always finish her homework either when at his house either. Quite frankly I think that a 7 year old needs a routine.

Last week, I told my ex that this schedule was not working. As a compromise, I offered to have him come here to our new home and take her out to dinner, to a sport lesson. Or do whatever he wants. I just need her home and in bed by 8pm. (She's always needed a lot of sleep) I know it's extra driving for him, but I think it's in the best interest of our daughter. I even told him he can take her for more time when she has school holidays. I told him he could come over here two nights a week if he wanted. I have asked him for his input and told him I was willing to agree to a reasonable suggestion, but he's stubborn and wants things to stay the way they are.

I know it's inconvenient for him to have to travel extra time. But my feeling is better him then our daughter.

He is demanding that I be there tomorrow. I really don't know what to do. I want my daughter to see him, but she needs to have a normal schedule.

I have Sole Custody and the Visitation part of the Divorce Decree is vague and only reads, "Visitation as the Parties Agree". I don't want to do anything illegal---is a verbal agreement (the Wednesday nights)that's been in effect for over a year valid or binding? Do I go to court to change visitation or does he if he's unhappy with my suggestion? Can he come over here and take her to his house even though I've said no?

The divorce took place in NY and I now live in CT.

Please, please, if anyone has any suggestions!!!!!

[Pony1]

You should make your visitation terms much more specific. None of that "per mutual agreement" stuff. It leaves open too much room to be tossed around. If it's specific and spelled out, he won't be able to do that. Check out the book, "Mom's House, Dad's House". It really helped me come up with good ways to draft parenting agreements, etc.

[LegalBeagle]

If it is not court ordered then you do not have to do it. I suggest you inform him of the change and that because of x,y,z you will not be allowing the child out of the immediate area during school weeks. Also because of her homework and sleep etc..

If he has a problem with it, then let him take you to court.. but if you are offering other times and periods then it is unlikely a judge will order the continued disruption of the childs schedule.


------------------
Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.

Pony: Yes that's a good suggestion, to make the visitation plan more specific. I never thought about it because it was never a problem until recently.

But your idea doesn't help me for tonight. My ex keeps calling and leaving messages on my voice mail saying he EXPECTS me to be there tonight. He is threatening to show up here tonight and take her back to NY and said if he has to do that then I can go all the way to his house tomorrow morning to get her. I just called the attorney that I used in NY for my divorce but she's in court all day. I don't know any local attorneys here to contact, and anyway it's such short notice. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he shows up I'm not sure what to do. Call the police? (Geez that's the last thing I want the neighbors to see) Let her go and assume he'll bring her back? I don't want to have a big arguement with him in front of my daughter.

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by StacyInCT:
[b]My ex keeps calling and leaving messages on my voice mail saying he EXPECTS me to be there tonight. He is threatening to show up here tonight and take her back to NY and said if he has to do that then I can go all the way to his house tomorrow morning to get her. I just called the attorney that I used in NY for my divorce but she's in court all day. I don't know any local attorneys here to contact, and anyway it's such short notice. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he shows up I'm not sure what to do. Call the police? (Geez that's the last thing I want the neighbors to see) Let her go and assume he'll bring her back? I don't want to have a big arguement with him in front of my daughter.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Allow the visitation for tonight.. and then sort it out afterward. Post him a certified letter tomorrow morning stating the change. Also, inform him that if he ever turns up at your place uninvited and makes any move to take the child by force that you will call the police and charge him with kidnapping, tresspassing and assult.

Keep those voice mail messages where he is threatening you. If you have to buy a new tape or record them onto another tape then do so.

Also, see about filing the changes yourself. I presume that at the moment all previous papers where in NY.. so have an attorney file your agreements into a CT. This will stop any jurisdiction battle taking place if he files in NY.



------------------
Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.