feeling the blues

To my freeadvice family,

I'm feeling the blues today and could use your prayers. Haven't been posting much lately.....alot going on here.

You know how its quiet just before the storm......well....my intuition tells me its ready to blow.

You guys have heard me speak of an on going issue with TN, but I've never actually given the details. I'm feeling a need to converse about this.....

My husband started seeing a lady that was married, a little over 13 yrs ago. I know this doesn't say much for him at the time. This is something he regrets in more ways than one. She became pregnant and divorced her husband when she was 6 months pregnant.They married a week later. A couple of months into the marriage she informed him she didn't love him and he needed to leave before things got ugly. He did. She moved her girl lover in. They divorced by default judgement. She remarried and divorced that same year. She has now been married 6-7 times and is 33 or 34 yrs. old. After the baby was born she told my husband he wasn't the father.He requested DNA test and she dropped support issues...nothing on paper...she remarried and couldn't be found. A couple of years later she calls up out of the blue and tells several relatives and my husband she had posted a notice in the paper and my husband didn't respond so the boy had been adopted. The boy just turned 13. In Aug. of 99 she calls after all this time and says the boy is his and he wants to know his father. She doesn't want any money or anything from him, could he just call the boy. Does any of this sound familiar? So he does. The next thing we know she has contacted css and is seeking current support and arrears. She continued to change her stories and lie so we hired a PI, and I have 4 to 6 inches of info on this woman. We found that the child had never been adopted. She has court documents stating where she used social security #'s of deceased people. Court documents of her using 3 different alais, and so many documents of lies she told in court and lost her creditabilty with the courts in TN. Court documented records of her having affairs while being married and having her boyfriend overnight in the house with the kids while the husband was out of town. Court documented records of her issuing false kidnapping charges on one of the stepfathers**************the list goes on......and.....she lost custody to her second child because of a court ordered evaluation.

When my husband informed her of what he knew, she immediatley said he had been talking to the psychologist. They didn't like her and were just out to get her....they just didn't click with her. He told her no he'd hired a PI. She told him he had no right to do that and began to cry. He told her he was tired of the lies. Her new husband called and said they didn't want current support or the arrears he just wanted to adopt the boy and be done with it. My husband said if the boy is mine I want some time with him, get to know him before I make any decisions. Now she is saying she doesn't want the husband to adopt this boy.

Oh yes, during the last divorce where she lost custody to one of the children, the step father was given visition rights and has him 3 days one week and 4 days the next, every other holiday and birthday,and every fathers day and 4 weeks in the summer and every other spring break. Plus is paying child support for this boy. She is also recieveing current support from my husband.

We are looking at doing DNA, but don't want to upset her if the child is his. We are hoping she will sign away the arrears because she doesn't want to go back to court and is afraid they will order another psychological evaluation.

My husband spoke to her a couple of days ago and he is wanting the boy to come visit, the boy says he wants to as well, and she is saying that this may happen next week......who knows we've heard this before.

What a mess we weave when at first we practice to decieve.

My husband is trying so hard to do the right thing and just seems to keep getting slamed against a wall. He's asked her to go back and amend the arrearages to what he actually made during the years the child was not supposedly adopted. She refuses. He did not intentionally not pay.....he was told the child wasn't his and then the child was adopted. You dont realize the severity of the laws when your young and believe everything you are told. Not to mention she has so many names and ss#'s she couldn't be found. The arrears are now at $65,000 which will ruin us.

Please if you can find it in your heart.....pray for us.....we just want to do Gods will. And I am begining to wear down.

Thank you

Paula

[This message has been edited by paula2 (edited July 19, 2000).]

[MySonsMom]

Oh Paula, I am SO sorry. I'm not real sure what to say but I will add you to my thoughts and prayers definately. God bless!

Keep your chin up, Paula. You've got a lot of integrity and you've helped many people on this forum. Focus today on the goodness you bring to the world and know that, without question, you are on God's mind today. You're in my prayers.

Oh you guys, I began crying as I read both of your post. I've been so strong for almost a year, a year in Aug. With everything else.....I just want to get on with our lives. I madly love and adore my husband, yes, hes made some big mistakes, but I know the man he is now, the man who honors loves and tries so hard to obey God. I have never met a man that truely takes the bibles order in which we are to live ours lives so literaly. God first, family second, and then his career. He loves his son who lives here and he has raised, and he loves my daughter as his own. I will continue to stand beside him. He's not a loser, a man, like most men who believes everthing these munipulating women tell them. She is as much to blame, but he carries alot of the blame hisself. I just don't understand how our laws can let women like this get by with such behavior. It's one thing to make a mistake...once...after that it's criminal.

Not to mention this poor boy.....what has he lived through.....what has she told him......what does a person do?

Satan has me feeling weak and discourged the last couple of days.

Thank you guys for caring!!!!! I knew you would....we have a wonderful extended family here....a family of God.

Paula

Paula, I am sorry to hear about this. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. God bless you.

Paula-I'm parked on TC for an Hour.
Please, come by
UserCreated- Freeadvice-Family I'll Be In
Hebrews 10:23

xx

Hi Paula, Your situation sure is a hard one. I will be praying for you and your family, and for the boy. I'll pray for his mother too, that she'll do the right thing for her chldren from now on. Take it easy, it always works out, right?!

katesmom and waldo, thanks guys, and yes your right it always works out. Sometimes its just hard to think straight when she keeps pulling our strings like a yoyo.

[usmcfamily]

Paula~~
I haven't been around a lot lately either and just happened to stop in this evening and read your post.....just wanted you to know that all our prayers will be with you until this thing can get sorted out. It is so sad to hear of so many lives being destroyed by one woman's lies/selfishness - yours, your husbands and this innocent boys. The good Lord tests us all from time to time, but sure seems you have had more than your share of late - KEEP your faith and it will all work itself out in the end....we just have to be patient enough to see what is in store sometimes**************...we are all here for you..I hope you know that.
God Bless you!

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Dearest Paula:

I don't have to write it. You already know how I feel about you.

IAAL

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x

[This message has been edited by Always searching (edited October 14, 2000).]

AlwaysSearching, thanks for the words of encourgement. Your right everyone does get their just dues. I hope I haven't made my husband seem like a deadbeat dad. I see the guilt and agony he suffers. I have told him I understand after seeing all the info on her, and he carries way too much blame for being young and ignorate to the laws at the time this took place.

When this started he tried to negoiate the arrears with her, to amend them to what he actually made. She was awarded by default judgement 700 a month when at the time he only made 900 a month. She said that she had been on assistance and he owed the state and she had no control because they were the ones who started this. He was suppose to pay 100 a wk in current support. He explained to her we were in debt due to a failed business and if he had to pay that it would be difficult for us to eat. She agreed to accept 60 a wk in support. We contacted css here and told them this. They contacted TN and said she will not accept that amount. They also informed us she had not been on assistance and all arrears were owed to her and it was up to her if she wanted to settle for less, she was the one who petitioned them to presue this. Thats when I took what little money I had been able to put back for emergencies and hired a PI (good investment). If you could only see what is in this file. My husband didn't remarry for 2 yrs after this woman and when that marriage failed he remained single for over 8 yrs. till he met me. I'd be gun shy too. This woman not only hurt him now she is trying to ruin him. He feels so guilty for believing her and now has lost all this time with a child that might be his. Anyway, after I recieved all this info I thought we had a chance to beat this psycho, we talked to 2 TN lawyers and both were very excited about the case and seemed to think we could beat this. Then they wouldn't return calls and when we finally got ahold of them they weren't as excited. Bascially there was nothing we could do if he was his, we owed her the money. I don't understand how another man could pay support for the same child my husband is currently paying for. This man has been paying support for 8 yrs now. And he obiviously loves the child.

CSS here has been working on our side and says this is the most screwed up child support case they have ever seen. Here's the letter the wrote to TN:

Please be advised that I will not at this time modify the agreed order previously entered(referring to current support of $60). The agreed order was done really to show that Mr. White was trying to cooperate. It would be my inclination to completely set it aside based upon the information we have gained in this case.

The long story short is that this is the most screwed up child support case I have seen yet. not only was Mr. White led to believe that his child had been adopted but there is a divorce decree between Ms. Green an her last husband which more or less makes her last husband the de facto parent of the child involved between Shirley Green and Gregory White. The Decree speaks of duties of child support, custody and visitation with regard to that child. While I am not familiar with Tennessee law, unless there was some question as to the paternity of the child, I do not see where a non-parent would have custodial or visitation rights or be responsible for support.

In addition to the foregoing, it is my understanding that Ms. Green has in the past, played a little bit loose with the courts down there as evidenced by references in the record that she has, at times, used different social security numbers.

Please be reminded that Mr. White's child support obligation was originally set by default judgement and it may be very difficult to show that he ever had notice of the order to pay support.

We intend to recommend that Mr. White secure counsel in Knox County and try to get these several issues addressed there locally as I realize we do not have jurisdiction to modify the order. on the other hand, upon a complete review of the case, I think you will see why I have problems with enforcing a child support order against a person who was obligated by default judgement, led to believe that the child had been adopted, has copies of public records which show that another man is acting as the de facto parent of the child and, on top of everything else, it is my understanding that although the child was born during the marriage between Shirley Green and Gregory White, that the child was conceived while she was married to another person.

At any rate, please give me a call if you wish to discuss the case further.

The only record Gregg ever recieved was default judgement for divorce in which it state his support obligations. This was our only issue till recently.....then my ex and the situation with my daughter and then Greggs other sons living situation. The only thing I can see is......Maybe God is wanting all these children in our home.

Thank you all for your word of encourgement and prayers. They are greatly needed and appreciated. Any legal advice?

Paula

Paula,

No legal advice, but if you need any legwork done in Knox County, I'll happily volunteer. Though I still manage to get lost around here sometimes, I think I can find the courthouse and all that, if you need some to get papers for you or whatever. Would that help?