friend's baby

[REParker819]

My husband and I have a friend who is pregnant. She is 18 yrs old, and wants to give the baby boy up for adoption. We have offered to adopt the baby, but she says she does not want to see her child call someone else Mom and Dad. So her mother wants to take her to court to get custody once the child is born. She refuses to allow her mother to have the baby, saying she does not need the stress. Can the mother take her to court? She refuses to name who the father is, and no one has any ideas bc the girl is a so-called lesbian. Why she had sex with a male is beyond me? Is there anything the mother can do to get custody of the baby? Since she refuses to name the father, can she still give the baby up for adoption to an outside party?? We live in Delaware.

 

[usmcfamily]

Well, if the adoption is done legally by an attorney I find it highly unlikely they would leave such a gaping loophole as a "father unknown" there. Reason being that even though she will not name him HE knows he had sex with her and should he find out (or already know) she is pregnant it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out he may have a child out there at which point he could start making trouble for everyone - most especially the family trying to make a fresh start with their new child! See, he could use the courts to try and nulify the adoption(it happens!!) on the grounds he was never allowed the option of terminating his parental rights (as legally he would have to to have the child be adopted) and may claim that given the chance he would have parented the child (which for all we know could be true and how sad that he would lose his child without the chance to even choose). It is just too risky these days - when so many adoptive parents are getting drug back into court and adoptions overturned - to leave a chance like that there. Most attorneys who might be the ones processing this for the adoptive couple would probably have serious qualms about setting their clients up for such heartache and would likely pressure her for a name so as to obtain permission from the bio-dad....or they could just do it and hope for the best, you never know.
As to her mother wanting custody - as long as the young woman wishes to place her child for adoption and is mentally competent enough to do so her mother cannot do a darned thing about it - especially as she is over 18! Your friend has the option to pick one of the thousands of couples out there just waiting for a baby and bless their lives - and that of this child. I am glad she has someone like you to support her in this as it is truly the most loving thing she could do as this baby's mother - and I hope she will go through with it. I suggest she decide if she wants to do a private or an agency adoption and go from there -- if she chooses private all you need do is sit down with her an a newspaper and start looking at all the people in the classifieds who would welcome this child....for an agency arranged adoption I would suggest sitting down with the yellow pages --
Good luck and God Bless

 

[REParker819]

I dont know about her mental state at all. She is a pathological liar, makes up stories all the time about people hitting her. She has been known to have a violent temper. I believe it would be good for her to not raise the child, but I think if her mom is capable of taking care of him, she should have rights too. After speaking with her (the friend), she is only claiming the father was a one night stand in Philly, but I think she is lying. I honestly think she wanted to get pregnant just for the attention. She has been known to do crazy things for attention before. As a mother of a 7 month old, I believe you have to be crazy to get pregnant that young!!! LOL. Does her mother have any legal rights to the baby boy? And what would she have to do in order to have her declared incompetent?? Thanks for replying.

 

[usmcfamily]

Well, perhaps I should have told you more about myself as I had my first daughter at 19 - so I too must be "crazy" - and she is now one of the happiest/healthiest 4 1/2 year olds out there so I wouldn't say age has much to do with it. Granted you are correct in that many people that age aren't ready to take the responsibility of a child on but don't judge us all by the one you know.
That said, recent decisions in the courts on grandparent's rights were based mostly on grandparents (or other non-bio parent people)seeking VISITATION rather than custody of the child so that shouldn't effect this case too much. However, as you have so far only stated that the grandmother is interested in the child I have to ask if the grandfather is present - the courts are likely to look at this in a number of ways -- 1)the grandparents would be bio-family raising the child (that would likely be a plus for them) 2) if Gramps isn't around the child would be with a single parent household as opposed to dual parent if adopted by non-bio family (this could be a negative as we all know the studies regarding single vs. dual parent households -- but don't get ME wrong...I was a single mother for four years! I am just pointing out facts the court will consider) 3) what is Grandma's age?? The courts will have to consider how long she is likely to be around to raise this child if she were to be given that opportunity - in other words, if it is unlikely she will be there for at least 18 more years that could be a definate negative for her. 4) the bio-mother's wishes -- above all else, this is the child of this young lady and SHE is the MOTHER -- therefor her wishes for the raising/caring for of this child will be considered utmost and if she wishes to allow an outside adoption that is her business.
So you see, if the grandma decides to pursue this she would be hard pressed to win out in court - being a liar and being mentally incompetent are two totally different things so wouldn't suggest trying to go that route with it as it would only cause MORE hard feelings in what seems to be an already strained mother/daughter relationship. As someone who posted as the young lady's friend, you certainly don't seem to be on her side -- she has decided not to parent the child herself which to me indicates she really does have the child's best interest at heart as she has admitted she herself would not be a proper parent....why not simply support that as to me that seems to make her one of the more competent people/parents I know......why not simply be the friend to her you say you are and help her do what she feels is best for her child.

 

[REParker819]

USMC,

I, too, became a parent at a young age. I was 20 when my daughter was born, and my husband was 17. So I know the struggles young parents go through. We have been supporting her with this. She does not know of our doubts simply bc we believe it is her decision. Her mother is 39, so i believe that she would be around for the duration. I am simply wanting to know if the grandmother can get custody. I do appreciate your responses. The girl's father is not around, as far as I know, he never has been. She has 1 younger brother, and 1 younger sister. Also, her mother's father is very active in being a father figure to them all. I agree that the child might be better off with 2 parents, but I would hate to see this woman's heart broken when she loses her grandchild. The girl has refused to go to prenatal appts., they have to drag her in there. I do hope it all works out for the best though. It is all about giving him a good life, I know.

 

[REParker819]

Thought you would like to know USMCfamily

My friend has decided to give her mother custody of the baby boy when he is born. They now have a lawyer, and things seem to be going well. He is due Christmas Eve. Thanks for all your previous help