Full Custody

My ex wife and I are both military. My son (now 4 yrs old) lives with his mother in England. She will be relocating in March of next year, where is unknown. She has mentioned she would like to stay over seas but she also says she wants to get out of the military at the end of her current term. I suspect she will go to the US. I live in Japan and have to decide now if I will be leaving in Nov 01 or if I will stay here for another three years. I recently remarried and would like to have full custody of my son so that he may enjoy having a mother and a father. I would have no problem giving my ex the same visitation I have had for the past three years (30 days in the summer, two weeks every other x-mas). I do have concerns about my ex raising my son because of what I know of and what she has told me about her past. There is a lot more to this but, what I need to know now is do I have a chance at getting full custody; would it be best if I stayed in Japan until Nov 04.

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Unless you are both in the US then you are going to have a hard time getting anything. I doubt that a court in the US is going to allow your filing when you live in Japan and she is in the UK.. and then award you full custody to take the child out of the US back to Japan for 3 years..

Also, unless she returns to the US, you can not take the child from her while she is in another country without legal proceding in that country.

Your child already has a mother and a father, your new wife is not his mother and never will be. You will not get full custody of your child because you want him to have two parents insted of a single mother. You have to prove your ex an unfit parent. Because she moves around a lot doesn't mean anything, you are on the same boat.

[MySonsMom]

Has there been a major change of events concerning your child and the Mother? Has she abused him or is she neglecting him? If not, you won't get full custody. Why would you even want to take a child away from his Mother if she is doing nothing wrong?

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

I'm tired of people giving advice to "men", stating that they shouldn't "take the child away from it's mother". It has been proven that a man is equally capable of raising his child. My husband has sole custody of his children!! milesapart, I say that if you truly want to try for custody of your child, go for it!! Contact an attorney in your area. Good luck!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mrs.mom:
[b]I'm tired of people giving advice to "men", stating that they shouldn't "take the child away from it's mother". It has been proven that a man is equally capable of raising his child. My husband has sole custody of his children!! milesapart, I say that if you truly want to try for custody of your child, go for it!! Contact an attorney in your area. Good luck! [/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Ok Mrs. Mom. (That's not your real name is it? :P) You may have a point to argue but this isn't the best case to argue it on. The child has been with the mother, that is the son's home. With mom. If the situation was reversed as to which parent the child lived with, the advice would be the same. (The child has a home. With dad.) Also, as usdeeper said, there isn't much hope with both of them out of the country.

Nobody made any Male/Female Who's The Better Parent Comparisons.

Tig


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I am not a lawyer. Any information relayed is merely my own experience or research.
[b]In Egypt, Cats were once worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.[/b]

[i]"PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES,SEEKS FROG."[/i]

[MySonsMom]

Mrs. Mom:

My husband has custody of his 10 yr old son, has for 9 yrs. I was the poster that you were referring to with your reply. I strongly and I mean strongly believe that a child should always be with a Mother, if at all possible. I'm not saying that Father's aren't important, because they are. But when it comes to split parents, I believe that a child should always stay with the Mother UNLESS there is a reason that it wouldn't be best. In our situation, my step sons Mother isn't the best for him, has never been. This man wants to take this child from his Mother, just because. If there was neglect, or abuse or some REASON then that's a different story. But it appears that there is not. I'm sure others will agree, but when it comes to a Mother and a child, there is no comparison. My husband is a wonderful Father, but since I am fit, able, and am a good Mother, my child is best with me. If there was a reason that I coudln't care for him they way he needs to be cared for, then the next best thing is the Father. (If he is able to) Fathers have rights, and they should. But when it comes to a Mother's love, I for one feel there is no competition. (Not all *Mothers* are best for their children, and there are exceptions) So there is my standpoint, I'm sure others will agree and disagree. That's ok, it's always best to have both parents..Of course....But a Mother (fit one) is the very best for a child. (In my opinion) I just wanted to defend my point, I will stand behind that forever.

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mrs.mom:
[b]I'm tired of people giving advice to "men", stating that they shouldn't "take the child away from it's mother". It has been proven that a man is equally capable of raising his child. My husband has sole custody of his children!! milesapart, I say that if you truly want to try for custody of your child, go for it!! Contact an attorney in your area. Good luck! [/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Your post might have some credibility if you bothered to read the original post. He is in Japan, he can contact all the local attorneys he wants and it will still not make a blind bit of difference.



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Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.

I thank everyone for replying to my message. This is a great place to see different opions and show new light to make one think. I did mention that my ex has some history of things that cause concern for her to raise my son. Keep in mind none of this has happened (that I know of) since my son was born. In her childhood (don't know exactly at what ages) she did not have the best relation ship with her mother and her two step sisters. She told me she and her mother went though a great deal of therapy and they are now friends. She did not give any details other than that tehy would fight verbally to no end. What I am sure of is what she said and did while we were together. She once told my parents while I was present that she was so good at arguing that she made her mother cry. She said this with pride. I can confirm the fact that she is a very good arguer. That is one of the biggest reasons I divorced her. Even in casual conversation you can not get a word in edge wise and she is very aware of this, even openly admits it. Another thing is that she lied to me on a few occasions, one rather big. Before we got married he told me she was going to quit smoking. A few months later she told me that she had quit and I beleived her, had no reason not to. I didn't ask her to, she did it on her own. But, she knew that I despised smoking and we would not take the next step in our relationship if she continued to smoke. About a month later I saw her smoking and left her. Five weeks later, after she called me continually to talk to me, she said she quit again and we eventually got back together. A year and a half later I found out she had been hidding smoking from me and lied about it the entire time. The other lie was a big one. She neglected to tell me that she was carrying the herpes virus until after she was pregnent with my son. I lost a lot of respect for her at that time. She said she was afraid that I wouldn't have dated her in the first place if I had known. There's more to her past but I must go now. Again these things are her past but people for the most part do not change. She has a history of bad relations - her mother, another exhusband that is a novel in itself, and I am just concerned for my sons well being.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LegalBeagle:
[b] Your post might have some credibility if you bothered to read the original post. He is in Japan, he can contact all the local attorneys he wants and it will still not make a blind bit of difference.

[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This is a public board and I am free to offer my opinions, just as My Sons Mom and others have. Just because I don't agree with what you are saying, doesn't mean I cannot give my two cents! I love living in a country with freedom of speech!

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mrs.mom:
[b] This is a public board and I am free to offer my opinions, just as My Sons Mom and others have. Just because I don't agree with what you are saying, doesn't mean I cannot give my two cents! I love living in a country with freedom of speech!
[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You missed my point.. your advice is worthless as contacting a local attorney is not an option. Yours and everyones opinion is always welcome but at least read the post before throwing advice in the pot.

[MySonsMom]

Milesapart:

You have revealed reasons that you feel your X is unfit. None of your reasons affect your child. ie: Didn't get along with Mother, had a std, arues alot etc..Unless this directly affects the child, they are not sufficiant.

I however have never had a std, but when I was young I didn't get along with my Mother, could be quite argumentative, smoked (and perhaps even told certain people I didn't if THEY DIDNT APPROVE OF SMOKING), but that has NO bearings whatsoever on the kind of Mother I am. If she lied to you about smoking, then that is between you and her...has nothing to do with the child. Now if she lied to you about feeding/caring for the child, then yes..There is a problem there. But most of the issues you explained didn't involve the child in any way. I know a person whom I don't care for, who is rude, inconsiderate, backstabbing etc...But I tell you what, she takes damn good care of her 2 children and is a good Mother. She may not be a good *person*, but she takes awesome care of her kids and as many things I could say negative about her, the one thing I could NEVER say is that she is a bad parent. So, unless you have something against her CARE, PARENTING, or anything that involoves the child, you have a slim chance of winning custody. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, you area Father and deserve rights as always, but don't get your hopes high for gaining custody. Good luck!

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

I whole-heartedly agree with Mrs.Mom. Everyone knows this world is bias against fathers raising their children. I have custody of my daughter and I had to go to SEVEN different attornies, just to find one who would help me. And guess what? The one who helped me to get my daughter, was a woman! Also, my ex is supposed to pay child support and hasn't paid a dime for 3 YEARS. A buddy of mine at work was arrested for not paying CS for 1 month. What does that tell you?
To the woman who said every mother should have her child, that was a ONE WAY&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt; comment. Get over it. Just because a woman gives birth, doesn't make her *qualified* to be the custodial parent. Some mothers aren't abusive, either, they just don't have what it takes to be a *mom*. And the same goes for men. Not all men were cut out be fathers. I am living proof that it is possible for a father to raise his child.

[MySonsMom]

Frank:

I thought I made it clear in my posts that there are exceptions and that not all women are *good* Mothers. I think you missed my view. I am not biased I don't think, again...My husband has custody of his 10 yr old son and has for 9 yrs...So, I am on both ends of the fence, know different situations. I'm also a Mom and a Step Mom, so I have all angles of the roads. Although I feel that there is NO love like the love of a Mother and child, I also think that the love between a daughter and her Father comes in very close. Some may say I'm old fashion, others may think that I don't know what I'm talking about, and some agree and want to bring me dinner, and take me on a romantic date! (IAAL, are we going to havea second?)

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LegalBeagle:
[b] You missed my point.. your advice is worthless as contacting a local attorney is not an option. Yours and everyones opinion is always welcome but at least read the post before throwing advice in the pot.

[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL! I frequent these boards and I see often, that YOUR advice is sometimes "worthless". For instance, there was a woman a couple of weeks ago who asked for advice and your response was, "Why don't you call the attorney back and ask HIM??" I guess when the advice is free, you get what you pay for, huh?! Don't knock somebody, bcuz they are "trying" to offer advice.