funny PLEASE no offense to anyone

My hubby said if I'm going to look on this board so much I should tell this joke.
What can a goose do
A duck can't
And you wish your lawyer would?

Stick his bill up his a**

one more
A burglar breaks in a house. While he is going through some drawers he hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you"
He looks around but doesn't see anyone so he goes back to stealing. Again he hears "Jesus is watching you." This time he sees a parrot in the corner so he asked the bird "Did you say that?" The bird said "Yes my name is Moses." The burglar says "What kind of people would name their parrot Moses?"
The bird replied "The kind that would name their rottwieler Jesus."

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cat2young:
[b]

one more
A burglar breaks in a house. While he is going through some drawers he hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you"
He looks around but doesn't see anyone so he goes back to stealing. Again he hears "Jesus is watching you." This time he sees a parrot in the corner so he asked the bird "Did you say that?" The bird said "Yes my name is Moses." The burglar says "What kind of people would name their parrot Moses?"
The bird replied "The kind that would name their rottwieler Jesus."[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL... I like both of them, I heard a different version of the second one though. Just add "sic!" on the end!

Tig

In keepig with the subject of the thread...

A guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his
tree. He looks in the phone book and sure enough finds
an ad for "Gorilla Catcher." When he asks if they can
remove the gorilla, the guy asks, "Is it male or
female?"

"Male," he replies.

"Oh yeah, we can do that. I'll be right there," he
states.

An hour later, the Gorilla Catcher shows up with a
stick, a Rottweiler, a shotgun, and a large pair of
handcuffs. He then gives the man the handcuffs and the
shotgun. "I'm going to climb this tree and poke at the
gorilla with the stick until he falls out of the tree.
When he does, the trained Rottweiler will move in and
bite the gorilla's private parts. The gorilla will
then cross his hands across himself for protection,
and that's when you move in with the handcuffs!"

The man goes pale and asks, "Um, okay, but what do I
do with the shotgun?"

The Gorilla Catcher replies, "Hopefully nothing, but
if I happen to fall out of the tree before the
gorilla, you shoot that Rottweiler!"

Whooooo hooo... *S* more Joy.. they are recounting the votes for the election for FL, I went to bed at about 2:30am.. all depressed, woke up to the turn around (for second time in one night) on the election.. *S* then they have forecast snow for us today.. lol, that doesnt happen.... at least not in Nov...
Everybody wish me luck today in my Workers Comp hearing.. only have two more after this.. then will know if the Insurance Co. is going to cover my back surgery... (fingers crossed)
Have a good day will see ya'all after lunch...

LOL..... ..... .....

------------------
partyofsix26

[img]http://smilecwm.tripod.com/fk/rainbow.gif[/img]

The pastor of a big church couldn't get the attention of his members; they were always talking during his sermons. One Sunday morning he came up with the idea that he would say a word and when he smacked his podium, someone was to stand up and sing the first song that came to mind.

He began his sermon and said "RIVER," and slammed his hand on the podium. A little boy stood up and sang, "We Shall Gather At The River." So the pastor continued and said "GRACE," and then slammed his hand down on the podium and a woman stood up and started singing "Amazing Grace."

The preacher then continued and said "SEX," and then slammed his hand down on the podium. An elderly woman stood up and started singing, "PRECIOUS MEMORIES HOW THEY LINGER."


LAW OF CAT INERTIA - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest,
unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of
cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

LAW OF CAT MOTION - A cat will move in a straight line, unless
there is a really good reason to change direction.

FIRST LAW OF CAT ENERGY CONSERVATION - Cats know that
energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use
as little energy as possible.

LAW OF BAG/BOX OCCUPANCY - All bags and boxes in a given
room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

LAW OF FURNITURE REPLACEMENT - A cat's desire to scratch
furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

LAW OF CAT COMPOSITION - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-
matter + It Doesn't Matter.

LAW OF CAT OBEDIENCE - As yet undiscovered.


If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible
warning.
~ Catherine Aird

Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think
I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
~ Jan King


Some people... You give them an inch and they think they're a ruler.


Sign at a railroad station: "Beware! To touch these wires is
instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted."



[Edited by Tigres on 02-13-2001 at 09:31 PM]