HE DOES NOT WANT JOINT CUSTODY-BUT WANTS TO INTERFERE

[leftalone]

I am from NJ. My husband left 9 months ago for another woman who he is now living with.
He is never around for me or the children.

We have two children, 13 & 16.

He has no physical contact with his children, except for calling them once in a while for about 1 minute when he has time.

Now he is trying to interfere with my daughter's life (she is 14). He doesn't want her doing certain things. (I have sole custody) He has never taken them once or watched them. I asked him if he wanted any custody and he said NO.

We are not divorced or legally separated. He does gives me child support.

My question is, DOES HE HAVE ANY RIGHTS ABOUT HOW I RAISE THE CHILDREN? Can he interfere?

 

[navywife_tx]

Well for one thing, you DON'T have sole custody b/c you are still married.You said it yourself that you are not legally seperated or divorced so YES, he does have the right to say what his daughter can and can't do. Until he gives up his rights as a father or until it is established by court order that you have complete sole custody, he can interfere in matters that concern his children. Why haven't you filed for divorce and sole custody yet?

 

[leftalone]

Plain and simple.

I STILL LOVE HIM. AND WOULD PROBABLY TAKE HIM BACK IN A MINUTE. STUPID I KNOW.

Also, Once I file for divorce, he gets half of everything. I won't give him 1/2 of this house. This is where my kids have grown up and this is where they will stay until they leave. He has no pension or 401 or anything where he works

I have a 401K and pension, he will get that.

So, for now I just go on handling everything my myself with no help from him.

Thank you for help, but I don't understand why he should have any rights if he refuses to be there for them when they need him.

 

[navywife_tx]

For one thing, i don't think you are stupid b/c i too was once married to a man that,let's just say-fell out of love with me, and i would have taken him back in a second as well.Maybe he will be mature enough to see that you should keep the house b/c of the fact that it's home to the kids. I can't respond to the 401k plan b/c i will be honest at saying i know NADA about that. He must be reliving his 20's and that's why he's neglecting his children AND his wife. Is there any idea on whether or not he's thinking of filing divorce instead of waiting for you? I do understand your feelings about his rights if he has nothing to do with the kids but you said, HE DOES PAY SUPPORT! He may not be there physically like he should be but he is financially helping you take care of them. I am in no way defending him b/c i firmly believe that he should see his kids as often as he can b/c those kids are old enough to understand that their dad left their mom for another woman and they will eventually begin to rebel against him and he will wonder why.

 

[leftalone]

I am not sure. When he first left we talked about a month later and he told me about the other woman and that he wouldn't leave her.
And, at that time he said he didn't want a divorce. But, things have gotten real ugly since then. I have tried to talk to him about the kids, that he should call more and take them out once in a while and just try and be a father. They are hurting and hating especially my daughter. But it has only gotten worse. He has gotten further away.

He doesn't make much money so I can't imagine how he could afford an attorney to file for divorce. And of course, I don't make much money. We were always in debt.

If he decides he wants a divorce, I will try and deny it only unless he gives me the house. It is not worth much, we were in Hurricane floyd and the basement got ruined. Nothing left. Lost over $30,0000 in stuff. We are also in a flood zone. With the mortgage, we would probably get $40,000.

The answer is I just don't know if he wants a divorce. We don't talk at all anymore.

It's a very wierd separation, his stuff is here but he just moved in w/her and totally gave up any responsibility to this house or his family.

Thanks for answering

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

First, in order to obtain a divorce in New Jersey, the parties must live separate and apart for 18 months. NJ is also a "combination" State; that is, "Fault/No Fault" divorces are recognized.

He has comitted a BIG fault. It's called adultery. This, in and of itself, could change the face of your divorce, and the way property is divided. It also affects child and spousal support.

I would strongly recommend that you seek the advice of an attorney on MONDAY to determine how you need to proceed. The first consultation should be FREE and, when the "separation" requirements have been met, you'll know who to see, and what course of action you'll need to follow.

Normally, under such circumstances, your attorney will make a motion to the court that all attorney fees be paid by the "offending" spouse; so, in theory, this shouldn't cost you anything - - or very little.

IAAL

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[leftalone]

Thank you for answering.

One problem though, he doesn't make much money. I have been to lawyers and they told me between my salary and his I wouldn't get anything except child support which of course he has to pay.

He now gives me a little more than I would get from child support and I don't want to hurt myself more. I can barely live on what he gives me now. I'm afraid the judge will only allow child support and I will be forced to sell the house. It seems like a no win situation.

I was also told I wouldn't get any alimony even thou we have been married for 26 years because again he doesn't make much money and you can't get money from a stone. So, i know they won't make him pay my lawyer fees because he doesn't have any money,

If i spend money on a lawyer and come away with less, what is the point?

But, today i found out that if I don't go to court and file at least for a legal separation, it will be worse for me because I let it go on like it was allright.

I know I have to do something.