his ex sent child out of state to visit &didnt tell him

my husband's ex-wife sent his 9 year old dau on a flight(unaccompanied) out of state apx 1700-2000 miles without telling him until she was gone. it interferred with a scheduled visitation. what can we or should we do about it?

If this is a one off.. write her a letter and ask her not to do it again.

I presume there was someone at the other end who met her ?

Document, Document, DOCUMENT.

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[b]SMILE - Start Making It Livable for Everyone[/b]

Divorce is a process over which children have no control. Children should not be its victims.
When parents are under stress, it is harder to be in touch with their children's pain and anguish.
It takes time, effort, and planning on the part of the parents to be able to provide for the children's needs.
In the crisis of divorce, parents may put their children on hold while they attend to adult problems first.
Sometimes separating/divorced parents find that their roles and expectations are undefined and cloudy.
If handled properly, divorce need not be devastating for children.

yes there was an adult to meet her. we live in Northern Idaho and she sent her to San Jose,Calif. i should have mentioned that my husband has joint custody- with her having only physical custody. when my husband confronted her she said she can do whatever she wants and doesn't need his permission.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by step-mom:
[b]i should have mentioned that my husband has joint custody- with her having only physical custody. when my husband confronted her she said she can do whatever she wants and doesn't need his permission.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, technically that is not true. She need to discuss major decisions regarding the child with you. I am not sure a flight to another state falls under that.

However, reality states that she can do what she wants without any discussion with your husband and without his permission and you can get lost. When a CP does this, there is little you can do about it without spending a great deal of money in legal action.. and even then, she will just get her wrist slapped... and be free to continue.

The only except to the above is if she want to move to another state. At that point, she needs his written permission or a judges permission. In fact, a situation like that can be of great benifit to you as it will give you a chance to go back to court with a very valid reason and also address the other problems at the same time.


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[b]SMILE - Start Making It Livable for Everyone[/b]

Divorce is a process over which children have no control. Children should not be its victims.
When parents are under stress, it is harder to be in touch with their children's pain and anguish.
It takes time, effort, and planning on the part of the parents to be able to provide for the children's needs.
In the crisis of divorce, parents may put their children on hold while they attend to adult problems first.
Sometimes separating/divorced parents find that their roles and expectations are undefined and cloudy.
If handled properly, divorce need not be devastating for children.

so basically we have no control over what she does? what about it interferring with his visitation this weekend(we get her every other weekend and we do take her)?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by step-mom:
[b]so basically we have no control over what she does? what about it interferring with his visitation this weekend(we get her every other weekend and we do take her)?[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Unless you have money to throw at an attorney, you have little control over what she does. Courts are not interested in minor items. Unless she does something major you just have to accept that this is how things are.. and yes, it sucks.

As regards to visitation, again, unless she starts a pattern of continuing to refuse/deny visitation then you can do little. One failed visitation will not get you anywhere in court. There has to be a constant pattern.

This is why you document everything. Because if it becomes regular, then you have a pattern and you have your documentation. You then have a big enough valid reason to spend that money on legal action.

[Jenifa]

Stepmom, if this is a first offense, on her part, then your husband should document it, and tell her that if she does it again, he'll have no choice but to take her to court. She most likely would just get her wrist slapped, like usdeeper said, but I gather that no one wants to continually get their wrists slapped in family court, because eventually, continually aggrivating visitation (and I mean avoiding every visitation for months on end - unfortunately, doing it once in a while is not reason enough) can be grounds for a change of custody. You didn't make it clear if this was the first time or if she continually aggrivates his visitation with his daughter, so I am not sure if that's one of his options at this time.

My stepdaughter's visitation with us had been continually interfered with because her mother felt it was ok to punish her with denial of visits with us when my stepdaughter did something wrong. I informed her, kindly, that denying the child her father wasn't an acceptable punishment, and basically, that if that was the only punishment she could find for her daughter, that we'd have no choice but to inform CPS, because it is abusive to deny a child a relationship with their father, under any circumstances, and told her my husband would then fight for custody, and not to worry, we wouldn't cause the same damage she is by denying the child her mother. Needless to say, she stopped using denial of visitation as punishment for her daughter. It's very difficult to deal with a parent who doesn't look at the relationship between a father and child as important. I know there are many websites which have articles about how vital relationships, with BOTH parents, are to children of divorce. Maybe if you looked for articles such as these, printed them up and showed them to her, she'd be more cooperative? Just my 2 & 1/2 cents....

Good luck with your situation and I hope your husband's ex listens to the voice of reason before having to listen to the voice of authority.

no this isnt the 1st time SHE has made other
plans for his dau & then told us we would have to swap weekends. swapping is acceptable to us, but what upsets us is that she makes the plans 1st without regard to it being our weekend and them makes us out like the bad guys if we say no. we have also found out the she "bad mouths" us to other people with his dau right there. i was a single mom myself and tried to do what was fair for all conserned as long as it was in the best interst of my child(now grown),and see now why so many fathers talk about how awful their ex-wifes can be. i have seen both sides and this side inst pretty. i just wish there was a way to stop her behavior before it has an adverse affect on my step-dau.

If there is a pattern and she does this often, go see an attorney.

what type of documentaion should we keep to establish &verify the pattern? i know the thing about he-said she-said can be hard to prove.if she was making these other plans for the benefit of the child it would be one thing, but she does it(at least it appears that way to us) to make her look like the good mom and us look like the bad guys.the trip i mentioned, she called and made plans to send the child and then informed the adult at the other end that they were expected to pay for all or part of the flight when it was all her idea in the 1st place.(sorry about blowing off steam but it is very frustrating to see the things she is teaching my step-dau-like get others to pay for your pleasures and lie to get your wa[sigh])