Husband could be the father of a 10 year old and just found out

Hi all i have a few simple questions. Last year my husband got a phne call from his ex stating that he had to go take a paternity test. My husband didnt know anything about this child (10 yrs old). she never told him or anything she just up and called and demanded to know personal information from him so she could get child support. well we never heard anything from them for a whole year and assumed that this matter had been resolved. well a few weeks ago he received a letter in the mail stating that he had a child support hearing. we were floored. well he went to the meeting and demanded a paternity test. he had the paternity test last thursday. he had no idea about any of this. what i am wondering is how do we handle this situation? we are waiting on results. should we go on and talk to a lawyer? what about back child support? would it be better not to see this child or try to get to know this child? I dont blame the child. I dont know what to do we have two children ourselves. ages 8 and 4. what i am wondering is how this will affect all parties involved. the grandmother has custody of him. do grandparents have rights to sue just fathers or do they sue mothers for child support too? we dont know what else to do. any information or advice would be helpful . i am in tennessee and am not sure about the laws about this issue . thanks alot

Child support does not take place until a court order is issued. Since he is just now taking measures to prove wether he is the father, there should be no back child support. In TN if a non parent is given visitation rights, they are required to pay support for this privilege. In your case if the child is his he will be awarded visitation rights as well as a support order. I would get an attorney and try to get the support reduced on the grounds the grandmother has the child and they may split the support between the mother and father.

It is doubtful they will give cudtody to the father if the girl has resided with the grandmother for awhile, unless she is not capable of taking care of her, and the burden of proof is on your husband.

An attorney will make sure you recieve just visitation rights as well as making sure you don't overpay child support. So, get an attorney if the child proves to be his.

If the mother or grandmother have recieved public assistance in the past it is possible he will have to pay back that amount to the state. Again an attorney can assist you with this.

I believe it is important for the father to be as much apart of this childs life as possible and to let her know he didn't abandon her......he just didn't know about her. She may have feelings of abandonment, and jealousy with the other 2 children because they were raised with their father and she wasn't. This is something that will take alot of work and patience to overcome, as well as time. It's hard work intergrating another child that is not yours into your family. Be patient, understanding and don't rush her fitting in if she is his. In the end it's worth it and eventually you will grow to love the child. At first you may feel some resentment.....just remember the child didn't ask for this either.

Good luck and God bless.

Child support does not take place until a court order is issued. Since he is just now taking measures to prove wether he is the father, there should be no back child support. In TN if a non parent is given visitation rights, they are required to pay support for this privilege. In your case if the child is his he will be awarded visitation rights as well as a support order. I would get an attorney and try to get the support reduced on the grounds the grandmother has the child and they may split the support between the mother and father.

It is doubtful they will give cudtody to the father if the girl has resided with the grandmother for awhile, unless she is not capable of taking care of her, and the burden of proof is on your husband.

An attorney will make sure you recieve just visitation rights as well as making sure you don't overpay child support. So, get an attorney if the child proves to be his.

If the mother or grandmother have recieved public assistance in the past it is possible he will have to pay back that amount to the state. Again an attorney can assist you with this.

I believe it is important for the father to be as much apart of this childs life as possible and to let her know he didn't abandon her......he just didn't know about her. She may have feelings of abandonment, and jealousy with the other 2 children because they were raised with their father and she wasn't. This is something that will take alot of work and patience to overcome, as well as time. It's hard work intergrating another child that is not yours into your family. Be patient, understanding and don't rush her fitting in if she is his. In the end it's worth it and eventually you will grow to love the child. At first you may feel some resentment.....just remember the child didn't ask for this either.

Good luck and God bless.

I personally believe there should be some legal recourse where the mother purposesly does not inform the father of the existance of a child. I have known some women who want nothing to do with the father so never tell them.. and then in later years want money and so expect the father to just hand over money.

There should be some action the father can take for purposely being denied the right to have a relationship with the child..

Sorry.. this subject really bugs me

thanks for the information it was quite helpful.i dont blame the child he didnt ask for any of this. I think that fathers should have rights too. all im saying is if in fact a woman has a child and doesnt marry the father then i think the father should be aware that there is a child out there. and not some years later when the child gets older. what about the childs rights to know his or her father? I think that there should be laws that protect everyone involved.
My husband would have been more than willing to take a paternity test if in fact he had been aware of the child. he wasnt given the chance. he said its more about the money than anything. whatever his decision i am supporting him no child deserves this kind of treatment. anyways thanks alot.

thanks for the information it was quite helpful.i dont blame the child he didnt ask for any of this. I think that fathers should have rights too. all im saying is if in fact a woman has a child and doesnt marry the father then i think the father should be aware that there is a child out there. and not some years later when the child gets older. what about the childs rights to know his or her father? I think that there should be laws that protect everyone involved.
My husband would have been more than willing to take a paternity test if in fact he had been aware of the child. he wasnt given the chance. he said its more about the money than anything. whatever his decision i am supporting him no child deserves this kind of treatment. anyways thanks alot.

Well, you will know if it is about the money only when you continue on and file for full visitation rights and then see her response. It may not have occured to her that by starting this ball rolling that she may end having to hand her child over for overnight/weekly and maybe later, summer visits.

usdeeper, I agree with you. There should be laws against women doing this. It's like they use the men as bank accounts. They let the arrearages pile up and then say "hey, I want to make a with draw" or things get finanically though down the road and its "guess what you have a child you don't know about so pay up"

So unfair......UNFAIR

My boyfriend is in a similar situation except he found out that he has 12 year old twins. He was with her when they were born but was told afterward by the girl, her mother and other friends that he was not the father-she later married the man she told him was the father. They were married for 9 years then divorced-these children were raised believing that the other guy was dad. My boyfriend has not been involved with this woman, nor heard anything from this woman for 11 years-until this January when he was sent child support papers. He did do the blood work and is definitely the father. We were told that he would have to pay back to January for support and may also have to pay the hospital expenses from their birth as she was on aid. (we live in MI). She has 4 children by 3 different men, has no way of supporting these kids and has moved them as many as 6 times into different school districts because she can't afford rent and keeps getting evicted. I am in the same boat as you, except that I am not married-was planning on getting married but this changes everything. We could definitely provide a much better home for the children-financially as well as for the stability that every child needs but what judge is going to award custody of 2 children to a man who hasn't even been given a chance to know them? It is a very difficult situation. However I believe that everything happens for a reason and God does work in mysterious ways-we just have to take it one day at a time.
Good luck to you and your family.

Tad, I'm in the same boat, but I married the man and love and adore him. We were told that if we could prove the mother unfit we would have a chance at getting custody. The mother lost custody of her 2nd child to the father because of a psychological evaluation. She has been married 7 times and is 33 or 34 yrs. old. But we still are not sure the child is his. The boy just turned 13. I think if these men knew what they could be in for when they were younger.....maybe that would have kept their pants on. But you are right.....God has a plan and we can make the difference in these childrens lives.....he'll give us the strength....but some days it's so hard.

I agree witha all of you. Men should have the right to get to know their child. I tooknow of woman who have babies with men and then throw the men to the side as if nothing ever happened. I dont agree with them. I think that the laws should be changed not only to protect the fathers but also the innocent children involved they dont deserve this kind of treatment. I know that there are men out there that could care less. But the men that do care are not given the option to know their own child. How do you explain that to a child? My husband told me that he wasnt the only one she notified about the paternity test. she tried to notify several men but my husband was the only onw she could find. How are we gonna explain this to our children? how do we explain to the other child involved? How can a mother not know who fathered her child?
I am not saying anything bad about her dont get me wrong I dont even know her. I had rather not known about this situation (kind of)but maybe the little boy prayed for his father. I just hope nd pray the results come back soon. I know she was married and got divorced and had to get assistance thats why we are having to get a paternity test. As soon as we get the results then we will go from there. Maybe we need to write a letter to our state represenitive and tell them what we think. Of course the state dont want to have to support children and they do there best to find the fathers. well thanks for letting me get all that out.