I need help

I am a mother living in Virginia. A month ago I lost custody of my 11 year old son. To be honest I am not quite sure how I lost - my lawyer and everyone told me it was a sure win since my ex lives with his mother, has a criminal record and owes the IRS a lot of taxes but last year I allowed my son to stay with his father for the school year since his grade had dropped considerably when we were doing the joint agreement (he spent 2 days a week with me and 2 with his father and alternated weekends) anyway since it was his last year of elementary school and I had moved out of that district I allowed him to stay there during the week. The judge in my case said that he believed I had been looking out for the best interests of my child but saw no reason to change it. Now my son has asthma and has lost his hearing due to his father's refusal to take him to the doctor and get him tested for allergies. I want a new trial but dont know how to get one...Please help me..I miss my son and am worried about him.

Dear mom in need,
I understand how you feel. I took my kids to visit their father, he had me put in jail, kept my kids and my truck and all of my other things. He called CPS, and I am having a hell of a time getting my kids back. I have not seen them in a month. Two boys, ages 3 and 7. They are begging to come home to me. I have an attorney, we went to court but the judge let them continue to stay with him for now. He has a criminal history and he drinks and does drugs. I don't understand the law either. It does not make sense. He is in violation of a protective order which has just been filed on. I filed on him for stealing my truck. It seems like it is taking forever to go through this legal junk. I live in Texas if you want to email me. My name is Marilyn Bentley.

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by photo62 [/i]
[B]Dear mom in need,
I understand how you feel. I took my kids to visit their father, he had me put in jail, kept my kids and my truck and all of my other things. He called CPS, and I am having a hell of a time getting my kids back. I have not seen them in a month. Two boys, ages 3 and 7. They are begging to come home to me. I have an attorney, we went to court but the judge let them continue to stay with him for now. He has a criminal history and he drinks and does drugs. I don't understand the law either. It does not make sense. He is in violation of a protective order which has just been filed on. I filed on him for stealing my truck. It seems like it is taking forever to go through this legal junk. I live in Texas if you want to email me. My name is Marilyn Bentley. [/B][/QUOTE]

What you just described sounds like what my ex and his next to the last ex wife did to me, they refused to bring my son home at end of summer visitation, seems the constable had been looking for me in the county they lived in for traffic fine I didnt pay.. so they had me come pick him up, I did, as soon as I pulled out onto the highway I was surrounded by all 4 cops that they had in that town...*S* only problem was, he was only the bio father of one of my three kids, and since I just needed to pay the fines to be released they couldnt send the kids to my ex.. his period of visitation was over and he didnt have any rights to the other two.. so it backfired on them.. the constable (a friend of theirs) kept telling me I HAD to let him and his wife take my kids till I was released.. *S* I told them to call CPS to come pick them up.. all I was waiting for was the wire transfer to come thru then I would be released so CPS wouldnt come get them.. lol, the constable almost had a heart attack when he saw I wasnt going to let him bully me..

[Edited by LadyBlu on 11-16-2000 at 08:15 PM]

Virginia? I'm curious, could it have been Bedford Virginia, or a surrounding city? Is the name Wallace familiar? I'm really interested in this.

No it wasnt it Bedford. It was in Prince William County. And to all you other mothers thanks for the responses. It is nice to know that I am not the only one goig through this. It at least makes it a little easier to feel like I am not alone. I have family but I just don't think they can really understand what I am going through. They just keep asking why I am not fightning harder. They dont understand the terrible toll all this is taking on me. So thank you.

Hello Mom in Need,
did you say the case was handled in Prince William County?
In JDR? If so the best thing you can do is ask for a change based on change in circumstance and if you don't get anywhere appeal appeal appeal. Believe me the Circuit Court makes much more sense in dealing with these issues than the JDR court does!! Also, some good advice is to keep a log of everything that goes on, visits, phone calls, doctors appointments, everything that happens. It's good evidence for court as well as a great way for you to deal with the situation. Your son will appreciate your efforts either now or later, remember, he's your son for life!!
Good Luck!!
I'd be interested to hear who your Judge is...
I had some experiance there myself.

I hope I didn't offend you, I know of several similar situations involving someone named/last name....Wallace. I wish you the best.

I'm sorry billyjean if I seemed offended. I wasn't. I am grateful to anyone who shows an interest and had some words of wisdom for me. All the stress and lack of sleep has been getting to me pretty badly and I guess it is making me become rather short spoken. I apologize again. I appreciate you taking an interest. Right now I am happy for anyone who show's an interest in this and can relate or has workds of wisdom. I am learning that this seems to happen a lot in VA. Thanks again for showing an interest.

After 10 years of dealing with Juvenile and Domestic relations in Virginia, I have to say you are right. This does happen a lot in Virginia. The reasoning behind it, is this...They don't want to disrupt the child further. Please don't take what I am about to say wrong. The judge views it like this, you knew these things about the father but you willingly allowed your child to live with him. My husband made the mistake of allowing his daughter to return to her mother in the Fall of '98. We had been through a horrible ordeal in our family and my husband made a decison because he was afraid of losing his whole family. (It's very complicated.) He knew this mother was a horrible person, but he was afraid of her destroying our child as well. At any rate, my stepdaughter was with her mother one month, and wanted to come home, the mother was already acting irresponsibly. Within 3 months the mother had physically abused the child once. Within 4 months this child whom had been molested in the past found her mothers adult sexual toys. Within 5 months she had forced the child to lie to social services, (which they knew the mother was manipulating the child). Within 7 months she had physically abused the child twice. My husband petitioned the courts for custody again. We had social services, the child's counselor and several others on our side, but the judge said he would not disrupt this child's life further. His words, "YOU knew what this woman was like, but you allowed her to return to her mother". He ordered the child into counseling and gave the mother a lecture. One year and 2 months after getting the child back, the mother had her oldest child call me and tell me to come get her. She didn't want to talk to me, she didn't want to see. I went and got her after calling several law enforcement agencies in the area, including CPS. I knew she would dump her again, it was just a matter of time. Now we have in counseling as we always have, but this time, to deal with the bad she saw and learned with this mother. I feel for you, and I hope that things will turn around for you. Do not give up. Continue to compile as much information as you can, work hard and save for a good attorney. Visit the child as often as you are a allowed and continue to stress good values and morals. Prepare for the future. When you have reached the point of having the financial support you need to go after this child. Nail the jerk in court. The judge will give him back. Time, patience, preparation and the love of a mother. That's all you need.