<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by besttmg1:
I appreciate your reply and am certainly not offended. I totally agree that it is a good thing that the father wants to be involved. Just not to the extent he wants. He feels that if he quits school and moves to the area he should be able to see the baby EVERY day. Given that this is a 4 week old child, there is not much for him to do when he does come over. At this point, the baby is pretty much either eating (breastfed) or sleeping. There was never a relationship between the mother and father (they dated for 6 weeks)and they barely know each other. It is an uncomfortable situation but I know it was her decision. There still remains some bitterness on her part as well. She is having a hard time understanding the father wanting an abortion or adoption. And now he wants to be so involved. What do you think is reasonable visitation for a newborn? He has been coming over and staying until past midnight at which time my daughter will have to ask him to leave -- which makes her feel bad. And, as I've stated, he calls on a daily basis -- which again, makes her feel bad. I don't think she should "feel bad" for the decision SHE made. The issue here is visitation -- and what is fair.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I am glad you were not offended by my reply. I agree that you should come to some set times and days that he is to come see his child. Your daughter and the child's father should sit down and work something out. Like i said, he needs to understand that the child is too young to leave his mother for a long period of time but that when he is older, she will allow him to stay for over nighters. I have a 7 yr old daughter that was conceived with a man i only knew for a month also. That didn't work out and he's never seen her b/c he's never tried.I also met a man in '98 and we got pregnant just 6 weeks later and luckily we are now married. All the child does now is sleep and eat, you are right so he shouldn't be there for long periods of time. Try and invite him and his parents over for dinner one night so that you can all talk about visitation,not only for the father but for the grandparents also. A few days a week for a few hours sounds like a start to me. I wouldn't make the baby stay away from mom for too long b/c of feedings but she can sometimes use a pump so that the dad can take a bottle with him. Maybe once your daughter and the father get to know each other, some good may come out of it. You need to help him understand that he's hounding your daughter by staying so late if the baby is sleeping. With a little reasoning i'm sure he will see that you are not trying to keep him from his child.Encourage him to stay in school so that he can be a good role model for his son and if you keep up your end of the bargain by letting him see his son when he's home, i'm sure he'll back off a little.