My Daughter's Best Friend

[dianalynn9864]

This is a long and complicated one. My daughter's best friend wants to move in with my family. She is 17. She was sexually abused by her adulterous mother's boyfriend when she was 8 or 9. The mother didn't believe her and left the family,and now lives with the boyfriend and has a couple of children by him. The father did believe and charges were pressed and the perputrator/boyfriend was incarcerated for a brief time. I don't know all the specifics, but I do know that the welfare of the children is over seen by Delaware County,Pennsylvania's Children and Youth Services. Back to my daughter's friend, I'll call her "C". She came to stay with us for a visit for a week. She was the happiest I have seen her in a very long time. She was able to be a teenager while she was here. Let me give you some more background. After her so-called mother left, "C" and her older sister were left to take care of the home and the three younger brothers. The father worked something like 20 out of 24 hours in order to support the five kids. He couldn't afford a sitter for the children. The older sister was no help, she was always out running and "C" was left to do everything. She was very unhappy at the time and very angry. My daughter and her didn't get along at all back then. Five, six years ago, my daughter and "C" met up with each other in a psycholigical group for girls who have been sexually abused. Yes my daughter was also sexually abused by her paternal grandfather. That is another story. Back to "C", her father did re-marry about 3 or 4 years ago. However, the woman he married had no experience in raising children and is blind. She isn't able to take care of the home or the children. It is all left to "C" still. The older sister left home a year ago,and even before she left she was still out of control and held no responsibilties. The only thing step-mother is good for is giving orders and trying to come between the children and her father. This I have seen with my own eyes. After "C"'s visit with us, she went home and told her father that she no longer wants to live there. She wants to live with us. I spoke with the father and explained that my family would love to have her. He is adament about letting her come. I feel it is because he will be losing "his chief cook and babysitter". I have been in contact with the families CYS counselor and expressed my desire to have "C" come live with us. Is there any other legal steps I can take to set this in motion? Thank you for listening and I appreciate any help you can give me.

Sincerely,
Diana L. Eglseston

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Hello again, Diane. I have a simple answer, and a difficult answer:

If she's 17, she is old enough under PA law to decide for herself. She doesn't need Daddy's permission. That's the easy part.

The difficulty is in leaving her young siblings. What is to become of them without their surrogate "mother"? I realize that "this is not her responsibility" but, let's face facts, without "C" who'll care for the young ones?

And, how's this all going to fit with your plans concerning your husband? Won't this situation have an effect?

IAAL

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[This message has been edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE (edited August 28, 2000).]

 

[dianalynn9864]

Thanks again for your information, IAAL. This shoudl have no affect with my plans for my husband. I don't live in the marital property, I left. It wasn't what I wanted to do, but under the circumstances, I had no choice. I actually live in another county now. I tried living in a separate resident in Delaware County, but unfortunately the harrassing phone calls and the harrassment my daughter and I received when he would show up at my door was more than we could take. We moved to another county. I know this was hard on my daughter having to switch schools, but in the same it was best getting her in a new environment and that is what I want for "C". too. I am renting and the lease is in my name alone so "the husband" doesn't have a say as to who lives with me or not. I know his next trick, when he finds out, will be to say that his support is going to support someone else besides his child, but that will not be the case. "C" does plans on getting a job. I know she won't be making much, but she has agreed to help me out when she can. "C" is going into 11th grade and I will see to it that she graduates also.

Your information is greatly appreciatted. You are a life-saver for my dilemmas. TY!

Yours,
Diana

 

[dianalynn9864]

Me Again with a P.S. to my reply. Is there someplace on the web you can direct me to get the information in black & white about her being 17 no longer needing her father's permission. Or can you send me a copy of where you researched the information. We are trying to get her moved in with us before shcool starts on 9/6. That brings me to another question. Would I have to be declared her legal guardian to enroll her in school or can she do this for herself. "C" has taken into consideration the affect this will have on her brothers, but honestly "C"'s mental stability needs the move more than her siblings need her.

Thank YOu
Thank You
Thank YOu
Diana