my ex wont leave us alone

I need help. I live in Michigan and my problem is my Ex-husband has been doing alot of things to dissrupt my 9 year old daughters life. He has been in and out ( mostly out) of her life since she was born, but since March of this year he is demanding every other weekend, all major holidays and all summer with her. She doesnt want to be with him at allShe is being evaluated for bi-polar, and he says he will fight me in court if I try to put her on meds for it.I am so upset and I dont know how to handle this. I cant really afford an attourney to fight this so I am lost!! any one with any ideas would be a big help!! PLEASE I AM DESPERATE!

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Laura In Michigan

Does your ex pay child support?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ronne:
[b]Does your ex pay child support?[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> well he has on and off but he is 3 months behind right now and he has over $7000 in arrears.

Normally, a judge will not put too much emphasis on the wishes of whether a child wants to have visitation unless the child is 14 years old.

MAYBE (and I said MAYBE) your ex is genuine in his interest to have a relationship with your daughter. You cannot withhold visitation unless the court has deemed him as unfit or feels it would not be in the best interest emotionally of the child. If you withheld visitation, you could be the one found in "Contempt" and no one wants that.

What exactly are the visitation arrangements in your divorce decree? Is that what your ex is going by at the present time?

Who is paying for medical expenses? If it is YOU, then I wouldn't worry too much about him fighting the bi-polar thing. You have to do what is medically necessary for your child's well-being. I'm sure your physician will agree with that.

As for not having any money for an attorney, you could contact your local legal aid department. You can only make so much money to qualify. Or most attorney's charge $0 for an inital consultation. You tell them the facts, they tell you whether you have a case, how much it is likely to cost, and what it will be involved in the matter.

Start investigating on the internet about your states laws on visitation and support. I believe you could take him back to get child support on a regualr basis and also get him caught up with his arrearages.

I hope your daughter is OK.

Thank you for caring about the well being of my daughter . I think she will be fine. The visitation is currently every weekend, every major holiday and 8 weeks in the summer. I only have a problem with this because he is only using this to try to punish me for having him arrested last year. He bad mouths me in front of our daughter and cant even provide her a bed to sleep in when she is there. I have filed for a change in visitaion, to get it back the way it was before, every other weeekend, every other holiday and 4 weeks in the summer. He is even trying to fight her going to summer school.

Why would he discourage his child from going to summer school? Just because that's what YOU want? What was he arrested for? Does your attorney know? That might help.

I think that you should document everything bad that your ex is doing. Get a copy of the police reports and you may be able to get supervised visits for your ex. I too am having problems with my ex and he tells my son bad things about me to him. Just to spite me. If you really want to you could try to put him in jail for not paying child support. Why shopuld one parent follow the support oders and the other parent not follow his part??? I think he would be wasting his time to take you to court for your child's medical health. What judge is going to try to stop a child from getting medicine if it will help her to get better? Good luck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ronne:
[b]Why would he discourage his child from going to summer school? Just because that's what YOU want? What was he arrested for? Does your attorney know? That might help.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
His reasoning for her not going to summer school is only that it is interfering with his visitation. His arrest was for coming into MY home DRUNK after I refused to let him in, and he also had 3 warrents ( for drunk driving, and shoplifting) out for him when I called the police. I do not have an attorney, I am trying to represent myself in the matter.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Viper:
[b]I think that you should document everything bad that your ex is doing. Get a copy of the police reports and you may be able to get supervised visits for your ex. I too am having problems with my ex and he tells my son bad things about me to him. Just to spite me. If you really want to you could try to put him in jail for not paying child support. Why shopuld one parent follow the support oders and the other parent not follow his part??? I think he would be wasting his time to take you to court for your child's medical health. What judge is going to try to stop a child from getting medicine if it will help her to get better? Good luck[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Thank you for your suggestions. I have started to keep a note book of all the conversations and things my daughter tells me when she comes home from visits. Hopefully this will help when we go to court. I found out today that he hasnt paid support since April of this year! The friend of the court is taking action against him for this. And also the fact that he hasnt reported since March. He was givin an order from F.O.C. to report EVERY month, where he is working and where he lives. So this might also help me alot. Thanks again

Reading the posts from, (I think)Tony777, also from Mich. with a similar story may help. You can do a search for those by finding the 'search' icon near the top of the page. She got a few great responses, and may send e-mail address, for communication. Good Luck.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Michigander:
[b] Reading the posts from, (I think)Tony777, also from Mich. with a similar story may help. You can do a search for those by finding the 'search' icon near the top of the page. She got a few great responses, and may send e-mail address, for communication. Good Luck.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>thank you for your tip but I did the sercch and found no Tony777

XBT- Laura, I bumped the post from Toni- sorry, misspelled before. Good Luck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bxt:
[b]XBT- Laura, I bumped the post from Toni- sorry, misspelled before. Good Luck[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>thank you very much!! I found and read the post you suggested. It is very helpful. One other question I guess I would have is that I re-read my court papersand I have sole custody, there is no joint- legal or anything with this situation. Does he have any rights to tell me what I have to do with our daughter or that I cant sign her up for any summer programs? If I am not mistaken I have the right to enforce anything she has been ( or wants to sign up for).Please resopnd

Hello, again, Laura....
Certainly, summer camp is a great idea,
As far as his rights, frankly, even if there was a joint custody arrangement, he shouldn't be too opposed to "allowing" her the benefit of interaction with other kids.
Just a Call to him, and a letter or two while she's at camp, should cool him a bit. The word "control" comes to mind, overused, but hard to define.
Why on Earth he'd be against that is beyond me. Most decrees are written to provide a split between parents on costs of extra-curricular activities, but even if not, the benefits far out-weigh the costs of sending her to a summer program.
Making it easy for her to write, i.e., addressing, and stamping the postcards before she leaves can make it easier for her to write, too.
If she is able to go, please let the Camp Director know, in writing that he isn't to leave the grounds with her, if he shows up. A visit, maybe, on "parents Day" or the like, may show him that she is fine.
Parents never should really lose rights to the kids, unless it's a manson kind of problem, and to argue with him about Can do, Can't do, is a waste of time. Take Care**************

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bxt:
[b] Hello, again, Laura....
Certainly, summer camp is a great idea,
As far as his rights, frankly, even if there was a joint custody arrangement, he shouldn't be too opposed to "allowing" her the benefit of interaction with other kids.
Just a Call to him, and a letter or two while she's at camp, should cool him a bit. The word "control" comes to mind, overused, but hard to define.
Why on Earth he'd be against that is beyond me. Most decrees are written to provide a split between parents on costs of extra-curricular activities, but even if not, the benefits far out-weigh the costs of sending her to a summer program.
Making it easy for her to write, i.e., addressing, and stamping the postcards before she leaves can make it easier for her to write, too.
If she is able to go, please let the Camp Director know, in writing that he isn't to leave the grounds with her, if he shows up. A visit, maybe, on "parents Day" or the like, may show him that she is fine.
Parents never should really lose rights to the kids, unless it's a manson kind of problem, and to argue with him about Can do, Can't do, is a waste of time. Take Care**************[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
thank you all very much for your advice. It has all been very helpful. My daughter told me that over the weekend he mailed 3 papers to the F.O.C, so I am expecting more court time coming. I will keep you updated on the outcome. Again... thanks
Laura