Need advice please advise!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM JUST THE STEP MOM BUT NEED ADVISE.

My husband is divorced and his ex wife has a new live in boyfriend. No big deal really however, recently my stepson has gotten very distant and cold toward my husband and keeps coming up with things the boyfriend is saying my husband said about him. My step son plays baseball and has never been one to be really down on himself and get mad and upset with himself because he isn't perfect. Lately if he strikes out he's upset, cries, not himself at all. The live in boyfriend goes to the practices and games (last year he wasn't in the picture and had no problems like this) and constantly on my step son. The coach has had several complaints about this boyfriend because he comes to the games and practices drunk every time. Is there anything my husband might be able to do about this? This boyfriend comes to these games smelling like a brewery --driving with my step children in the vehicle. This isn't acceptible in my eyes. There is more to this picture than we are seeing and it is truly destroying my husband. Any advise? We don't know where to turn right now. My husband and his ex live 5 min. apart, does anyone know how difficult it is to change custody from his ex having sole physical to him having joint physical being we live in same school district? Please advise on this also. Thank you for you time and comments. Have a nice day.

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Toni777:
[b]I AM JUST THE STEP MOM BUT NEED ADVISE.

My husband is divorced and his ex wife has a new live in boyfriend. No big deal really however, recently my stepson has gotten very distant and cold toward my husband and keeps coming up with things the boyfriend is saying my husband said about him. My step son plays baseball and has never been one to be really down on himself and get mad and upset with himself because he isn't perfect. Lately if he strikes out he's upset, cries, not himself at all. The live in boyfriend goes to the practices and games (last year he wasn't in the picture and had no problems like this) and constantly on my step son. The coach has had several complaints about this boyfriend because he comes to the games and practices drunk every time. Is there anything my husband might be able to do about this? This boyfriend comes to these games smelling like a brewery --driving with my step children in the vehicle. This isn't acceptible in my eyes. There is more to this picture than we are seeing and it is truly destroying my husband. Any advise? We don't know where to turn right now. My husband and his ex live 5 min. apart, does anyone know how difficult it is to change custody from his ex having sole physical to him having joint physical being we live in same school district? Please advise on this also. Thank you for you time and comments. Have a nice day.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My response:

You say, "This isn't acceptable in my eyes." Boy, isn't that the understatement of the year.

Did your husband ever think to drag Mom's butt into court for an "Order to Show Cause"?
Subpoena the coach, and everyone else who sees what's going on, and have the kids testify also. Get into court as fast as you can because the kids are in imminent peril. What is Dad doing, waiting for a car accident?

A court appearance. That'll straighten Mom out, and get the boyfriend out of the picture, because when there's a choice concerning custody of the kids, or getting boyfriend out of the picture, guess which one Mom will choose?

IAAL



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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."

Thanks for your response. Some of the games are right across the road from their house so they can walk across the road but not always. There are games where he has to drive the chilren to the game and I was just informed by the coachs wife yesterday that several parents have complained about him coming to the games drunk. Two weeks ago I questioned it because he was standing along the fence near me and I smelled stron alcohol and sure enough it was him. We don't have money for an attorney can we do it on our own? Any advice helpful thanks to all who respond.

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Toni777:
[b]Thanks for your response. Some of the games are right across the road from their house so they can walk across the road but not always. There are games where he has to drive the chilren to the game and I was just informed by the coachs wife yesterday that several parents have complained about him coming to the games drunk. Two weeks ago I questioned it because he was standing along the fence near me and I smelled stron alcohol and sure enough it was him. We don't have money for an attorney can we do it on our own? Any advice helpful thanks to all who respond.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


My response:

Obviously, this is really not a problem. Otherwise, you wouldn't being saying: "We don't have money for an attorney . . ."

When this becomes a problem, or big enough problem for you to want to do something affirmative; i.e., perhaps, save the lives of the children, then you'll go to the bank and get a loan, or use your credit cards, to pay for an attorney. What's it going to take to get your husband to think of his priorities in life, and to ensure the safety of his children? An accident? Do you and your husband really need a third party, on the Internet no less, to tell you what's right, what to do, and when to do it? Do we have to read the headlines in the newspaper, or on the evening news, ("Girl Killed on Highway With Drunken Driver - Film at Eleven") before you and hubby do something? Get PROACTIVE, and not REACTIVE.

Has everyone lost their sense of how to take care of their own lives?

IAAL


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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."

[usmcfamily]

Well, I am not here to attack.....but I would like to say I agree with IAAL to a point!...yes, it is time to act to ensure the safety of these innocent children. Can I suggest that you start by contacting you local legal aid office? Start there and they can help you - either themselves or perhaps by directing you to someone who would be willing to work with you on a payment plan? Keep in mind, also, that most attorneys offer a free initial consultatio - a chance for you to tell them what is happening and they can in turn tell you what could be done and what it would cost you to do it by yourself OR through them....you never know you might find it is a worthy investment....after all, what price would you put on the children's lives?? I know I would stop at nothing to protect the interests of my daughter - and, yes, I have put myself on the financial tight-strings more than once to do just that in dealing with the family courts for custody, etc....so it CAN be done!!!!! Good luck and God Bless

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by usmcfamily:
[b]Well, I am not here to attack.....but I would like to say I agree with IAAL to a point!...yes, it is time to act to ensure the safety of these innocent children. Can I suggest that you start by contacting you local legal aid office? Start there and they can help you - either themselves or perhaps by directing you to someone who would be willing to work with you on a payment plan? Keep in mind, also, that most attorneys offer a free initial consultatio - a chance for you to tell them what is happening and they can in turn tell you what could be done and what it would cost you to do it by yourself OR through them....you never know you might find it is a worthy investment....after all, what price would you put on the children's lives?? I know I would stop at nothing to protect the interests of my daughter - and, yes, I have put myself on the financial tight-strings more than once to do just that in dealing with the family courts for custody, etc....so it CAN be done!!!!! Good luck and God Bless[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My response:

Good advice. I'm sorry, but it just pisses me off to no end, when children are placed in imminent danger, and the parents know about it, but they take the time to ask questions on the Internet. It's just amazing. What, are the parents looking for "justification" from a third party stranger? Most parents can tell right from wrong, good from bad, and danger from safety, and act fast and accordingly. I guess there really are some adults out there who really need a swift kick in the pants before they finally realize, after the 10th time their children get into a car with a drunk, "Oh yeah, maybe I should do something - - and what do you think, stranger?"

The first thing I WOULDN'T DO is boot up my computer.

IAAL

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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."



[This message has been edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE (edited May 11, 2000).]

[usmcfamily]

Hey, had you not said it I probably would have!!!!.....my response was not meant to be directed as a correction/attack to you at all. I too can't stand to see babies (and these are babies!!!!) in danger and people standing around saying "gee that's wrong, someone should really do something.".....well, what most of us hate to see is that "someone" is us......we all need to get in gear and start saving some of these poor kids!!!!! (that's what us adults are here for, isn't it?)

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by usmcfamily:
[b]Hey, had you not said it I probably would have!!!!.....my response was not meant to be directed as a correction/attack to you at all. I too can't stand to see babies (and these are babies!!!!) in danger and people standing around saying "gee that's wrong, someone should really do something.".....well, what most of us hate to see is that "someone" is us......we all need to get in gear and start saving some of these poor kids!!!!! (that's what us adults are here for, isn't it?)[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


My response:

I realize that. You're one of the most level-headed responders around here. You make sense and your suggestions are terrific. It's just that I see RED when the obvious is just so blatent.

IAAL


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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."

It isn't just a matter of money, we are concerned about the children or obviously I wouldn't be writing this. I have been screwed over by the courts and I as well as my husband are a tad bit leary of that. First of all, what do you do if you don't have a credit card and you can't get any other credit than you already have. Not everyone can just go out and get a loan or credit card. Income guidelines and debts are figured here as well.
I have no respect for someone who can say that this isn't an issue to us. WRONG, OBVIOUSLY IT IS!!!!!!!!
Basically what I was trying to say, is it possible to do this type of thing on your own without getting an attorney? Does anyone know? Please advise. If he shows up to the baseball game tomorrow and he smells of alcohol I think I will refuse to let the children leave with him and call the police. What do you think of that?

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Toni777:
[b]It isn't just a matter of money, we are concerned about the children or obviously I wouldn't be writing this. I have been screwed over by the courts and I as well as my husband are a tad bit leary of that. First of all, what do you do if you don't have a credit card and you can't get any other credit than you already have. Not everyone can just go out and get a loan or credit card. Income guidelines and debts are figured here as well.
I have no respect for someone who can say that this isn't an issue to us. WRONG, OBVIOUSLY IT IS!!!!!!!!
Basically what I was trying to say, is it possible to do this type of thing on your own without getting an attorney? Does anyone know? Please advise. If he shows up to the baseball game tomorrow and he smells of alcohol I think I will refuse to let the children leave with him and call the police. What do you think of that?[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My response:

I think that's a wonderful idea. I was just wondering how many times this had to happen before such an idea came to "somebody's head." You can't "do this" on your own because they will fight back like crazy and you won't know what to do in that event. Where's the father in all this? At work? Perhaps he should be there tomarrow and take control of his own responsibilities and his children - - not you. However, if he's unwilling to take a day off work to protect his children, then yes, by all means, as the one responsible adult in all of this, yank those kids away and call the police immediately. How can you afford to get into court? When it comes to children, and their immediate safety, you find a way, and stop making excuses. You think I'm being hard on you, and uncaring, and unfeeling? Just think how you'd feel with those kids being splattered on a highway.

IAAL



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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."

Excuse my misprint. I stated I because I am typing however, my husband will be at work tomorrow and doesn't get out until 7:00p.m. but if we get there and he smells of alcohol I will call my husband and have him deal with the situation it is not my place unless there is no way he can possibly be there. I don't think you are being hard on me. Just expressing your opinion. Each to their own. I have dealt with the courts and I know they are unreliable at times. We have discussed the issue and are going to call Friend of The court tomorrow and get petition for change in parenting time/custody papers. We have decided to file on our own. Who needs an attorney when there are so many witnesses to the stupidity. We will keep you all informed. thanks for your advice. Have a nice night.

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Toni777:
[b]Excuse my misprint. I stated I because I am typing however, my husband will be at work tomorrow and doesn't get out until 7:00p.m. but if we get there and he smells of alcohol I will call my husband and have him deal with the situation it is not my place unless there is no way he can possibly be there. I don't think you are being hard on me. Just expressing your opinion. Each to their own. I have dealt with the courts and I know they are unreliable at times. We have discussed the issue and are going to call Friend of The court tomorrow and get petition for change in parenting time/custody papers. We have decided to file on our own. Who needs an attorney when there are so many witnesses to the stupidity. We will keep you all informed. thanks for your advice. Have a nice night.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My response:

Now you're "Cookin' with gas." Whatever it takes, get into court, and take those kids away from that _________ !! YOU GO GIRL !!

Let us know what happens at the game tomorrow.

IAAL



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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."

[usmcfamily]

Good Morning! I hope that this will reach you BEFORE you go to the game tonight .... I have thought about all you have given us about this situation and first and foremost would like to stress to you that your husband NEEDS to be there.....think about what you are going to do...you are going to confront a drunk man and refuse to let him take these kids....don't you think this might make him a teensy bit angry??? I am not saying to be afraid of him...only to do this the smart way....if your husband can't be there PLEASE enlist the help of some of the other parents/coaches to do this. You have stated that other people have noticed the problem so they should be MORE than willing to help and if not SHAME ON THEM!! Do call the police .... if nothing else he can be arrested for drunk and disorderly and if you can prove he was going to drive with the children there is a possibility of child endangerment (maybe)....besides, getting the police involved and having a report file *as they will do* about this incident will give you some tangible proof of what you are going to take to court. As to the court issue....I can't say it enough....LEGAL AID/CHILD ADVOCACY OFFICE!!!!!!! Legal Aid is based on income so you don't have to worry about the "high costs" involved there...... Other thoughts being involving your husbands family - no one like to ask the in-laws for money (ain't pride wonderful) but it would be a shame to let that get in the way of helping these children!!! Out of curiousity, have you even contacted a lawyer??? As I have said before attorneys give free initial consultation....and as I found out even if you don't retain their services they will at least point you in the right direction or put you in touch with a more affordable way of doing this! Get some help!!! I wish I were there as I would dial the phone for you!
If you need anything you know we are here.....
Good luck and God Bless