NEED ADVICE SHOW CAUSE FOR CONTEMPT UPCOMIG

I have physical custody of our children ex has joint legal with reasonable visitation. In Jan. his child support increased quite a bit and he has been very uncooperative since. Our son has played baseball the past two years and last year we had no problem cooperating and getting him to his games. Although dad never attends the games. This year has been a battle. On May 5 I issued my ex a copy of the baseball schedule. On May 9 I wrote my ex a letter informing him that two of the Friday games fell on his scheduled weekend to pick up our children. I asked him to cooperate with me to ensure that our son would be able to attend these games. I informed my ex that our son needs to be at these games at 5:45 and his scheduled pick up time is 6:00. My ex then wrote me a letter back informing me that he would be picking our children up at 6:00 at my home. (knowing of these games). I took our son to the baseball game that Friday, left a note on my door informing my ex where we were (about 3-5 min away from my home). The game ended at 8:30, came home the note was still on the door. Called my ex's home and there was no answer (that's normal) so I decided I would drive over to his home and nobody was there. I left a note on his door informing him of our son's makeup game which was scheduled at the game. Called my ex again on Saturday and left message on his answering machine informing him to call me if he would like to exercise the rest of his weekend visit. No return call. Now I have to attend a hearing to show cause as to why I should not be held in contempt of court for not being home when he came to exercise his visit. His letter that was attached to the petition said that he waited in my driveway from 6p.m. until 6:40 p.m., he could have spent 40 min. at his sons game watching it instead of sitting in my driveway. Waited another 40 minutes and taken the children with him. What is his deal? I truly don't believe I was wrong in not waiting for him. I have all the letters I wrote him, all the letters he wrote me, the note I left on the door and the note I left on his door as well as the baseball schedule. I think I will win. If anyone has been through this or has any insight please respond and I don't know what to expect or how to handle this situation. I do however believe all this uncooperation on my ex's part is related to the child support increase in Jan. I've even requested two reviews over the past 6 months and he refuses to go. Have those letters as well. He has even refused counseling with myself and our children. WHOS BEING UNCOOPERATIVE HERE? I don't think it's me. Please Advise. Thanks

Hey- I'm sorry dad's being this way, it may be the only avenue, in his mind, to 'control' you' or to create a hassle.
First, -reasonable- visitation is the key. It would be completely unreasonable for father NOT to be at the games, even if it's not his time. The son, if dad's not a monster, would love to see him at the games.
My oldest always looked for mom, when he played, and if she wasn't there, he was crushed.
What's reasonable to him, isn't reasonable to you. His energy is being spent on frustrating you, rather than in spending time with his son.
If the decree says -reasonable-, with no scheduled time, you're clear.
If you've got scheduled times, and due to the games, with all you did to prevent an obstruction to those times, you're clear. "In the best interest of the child", dad need to work at being in the child's life, rather than you, and the son from working, and worrying about contempt charges. To prevent the child from attending the games, and interacting with the other kids is cruel.
Joint legal custody doesn't mean a lot, and is a way for the non-cust. parent to feel they've won something. It's possible he's realized this now.
You did much more than some would do, as far as the notes and calls, and he may be just spinning his tires. To complain that he sat outside your door for 40 min. without going to the door, isn't believeable.
I'm no psychic, but, the judges see this all the time, and I don't think you'd be found in contempt, presented as you did here.
Unless there's something I've missed, like dad hasn't seen him for a year, relax!
Did any of this make sense? I may be writing for nothing better to do.
I believe you will win. Please post-PS

Thanks so much for the input. I am so worried I will be held in contempt of court. I have never had to face a judge for anything trouble wise. My ex is out to get me for sure and he has put me and our children through so much. This is nothing, in 1997 he got an attorney ant took temp. custody of our children claiming I abused them. He called CPS and he was given temp. custody pending the investigation. Needless to say he didn't win as the investigation was unsubstantiated and I inormed his attorney of his criminal record. My ex was convicted of Criminal Sexual Conduct 3rd degree in 1991 against my 15 yr old cousin. My ex says in some of the other letters attached to the petition that he feels joint physical custody would be a solution to this problem. He doesn't even have his own home. Him and his wife live with his wifes family (her mother her two sisters and her mothers boyfriend). I don't comprehend why he would even suggest that being he has never taken an active role with our children. No baseball games, no plays, no parent teacher conferences, nothing. He didn't even come to the hospital when our son had surgery. What a winner. I am fed up with his BS and I plan to address other issues with the judge during this hearing as every letter I wrote my ex, every letter I wrote the court and every letter he wrote is attached to this petition. In addition to all this, after 7 years of my ex not exercising his midweek visits all of a sudden he claims I owe him 208 hours of visitation time and he says he will be getting midweek visits from here on out. He claims that I have denied him those visits. That is a crock, I have denied him nothing. Also he informed me that I will not have midweek visits during his half of the summer as he will be camping throughout the state of michigan. Wow, he has the children five and a half weeks and I just don't see how this is possible if he gets unemployment all winter and he's a construction union laborer. I thought they worked during the summer. I don't buy that one either. I have all this documented you see and I hope that when we see the judge that my ex has already hung himself. I feel I have done right. The only problem is my son has another game which conflicts with this schedule June 2. Should I go to the game and expect another show cause or make my son miss the game. I don't know which way to go. My court show cause isn't until the end of June. Any other suggestions please feel free to offer. Thanks

Bet you won't hear him tell a judge that you OWE him 208 hrs. of time. Dads need to be a part of the childrens lives, and it does sound like just a hassle. Don't know how easy it'd be for me, if I didn't have the kids. If the father knows the game schedule, do as you did before. Calls, notes, He's being mean.
But for the court, maybe staying on the issue of the supposed contempt would be wise. The judge has the file, and should review it as you are there.
I don't want to get you in a crack, but by doing everything as you did to help him get the time, taking the kids to the game, and letting him play isn't harming him, you or the children.
An -occasional- failure for dad to not get the son, isn't unreasonable.
It's not about time with the boy, now, it's about hassle for you. I'm apparently rambling
sorry, and I feel bad for the boy.
(I didn't suggest this) Take him to the games.
Dad's telling you that he will be 'camping' throughout Michigan, primarily to make you concerned that you may not have contact during the summer with your son. How's he going to be in court on his complaint, if he's camping? Poor guy. no outlet for his anger. -PS

One thing that gets me is this stuff wasn't an issue last year but now since his CS was raised he must feel he needs to be a creep to me. In a letter I asked the court to address his denial of my midweek visits, as well as placing our children into the middle of things. On May 9 our daughters birthday he asked to have our children from 4-8p.m. I agreed 4 was fine but I prefer the children be home by 7:30 as bedtime in my home is 8:00 on a school night. At 7:20p.m. phone rings and it was my daughter calling to see if they could go to grandmas. My ex deliberately put our daughter in the middle and made me out to be the bad guy. Wrong thing to do. Children got home at 7:50. Regarding the Joint physical custody, do you know if he would stand a chance of getting that if he petitioned the court? Just curious as you seem to know what you are talking about. Thanks so much for all your advice it is all so much appreciated.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Toni777:
[b]One thing that gets me is this stuff wasn't an issue last year but now since his CS was raised he must feel he needs to be a creep to me. In a letter I asked the court to address his denial of my midweek visits, as well as placing our children into the middle of things. On May 9 our daughters birthday he asked to have our children from 4-8p.m. I agreed 4 was fine but I prefer the children be home by 7:30 as bedtime in my home is 8:00 on a school night. At 7:20p.m. phone rings and it was my daughter calling to see if they could go to grandmas. My ex deliberately put our daughter in the middle and made me out to be the bad guy. Wrong thing to do. Children got home at 7:50. Regarding the Joint physical custody, do you know if he would stand a chance of getting that if he petitioned the court? Just curious as you seem to know what you are talking about. Thanks so much for all your advice it is all so much appreciated. [/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Gee thanks!
Joint physical? Not around Grand Rapids. (grew up there). With what has happened over the last ten years, I couldn't see any judge giving joint physical to the guy. You're correct, in assuming it's about the $$$, and he's mad about that. As for the late return on the girls birthday? Don't sink to the level that HE is comfortable at. Sometimes, the kids will be late,
In the courts, there's really no winners, only those who choose not to be contestants. Let the guy light the fire, kids like to play with matches, he'll get 'burned'.
All those cliches', Now i've just got to ask... Security is a tough job, you've got to handle yourself with authority, how do you worry so much about the ex? I do understand-kids are an emotional issue. -PS


[This message has been edited by PapaSmurf (edited May 27, 2000).]

Why? Because in 1997 he took temp custody of our children without me even knowing about it claiming I abused our children. He got the temp order pending the investigation by CPS. That was unsubstantiated. Once my attorney informed his attorney of the investigation being unsubstantiated and my ex's CSC 3rd, his attorney advised him to give our children back. I have had custody of our children since 1993 and he enjoys threatening me with taking custody. It worries me as he has taken them before and I wasn't notified of anything. I had to call the police, police informed me the day after the children were to be returned from summer visit that my ex had gotten this temp. order. My attorney stated in some papers she filed that the temp. order my ex got was entered contrary to law. That my ex's petition did not provide for a review hearing withing fourteen days. The father misused the basis for the order. All that is documented. These are the reasons I worry so much about he will do or get. I don't know if he can go much lower than he already has though. I appreciate your responses, it helps me vent and gives me a sense of assurance in what I am doing. If you don't mind me asking: Are you a lawyer or involved in law or something?

Toni

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Toni777:
[b]Why? Because in 1997 he took temp custody of our children without me even knowing about it claiming I abused our children. He got the temp order pending the investigation by CPS. That was unsubstantiated. Once my attorney informed his attorney of the investigation being unsubstantiated and my ex's CSC 3rd, his attorney advised him to give our children back. I have had custody of our children since 1993 and he enjoys threatening me with taking custody. It worries me as he has taken them before and I wasn't notified of anything. I had to call the police, police informed me the day after the children were to be returned from summer visit that my ex had gotten this temp. order. My attorney stated in some papers she filed that the temp. order my ex got was entered contrary to law. That my ex's petition did not provide for a review hearing withing fourteen days. The father misused the basis for the order. All that is documented. These are the reasons I worry so much about he will do or get. I don't know if he can go much lower than he already has though. I appreciate your responses, it helps me vent and gives me a sense of assurance in what I am doing. If you don't mind me asking: Are you a lawyer or involved in law or something?

Toni[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hi, again, Well, you did recover the kids in 1997, and I can tell you, the CPS , by law, must investigate each complaint. So, non-cust. adults(?) use that card often
CPS knows. I'm sorry, wasn't trying to upset you, about the custody issue, but from a third party, not emotionally attached, it doesn't look too bad.
Nope, not an attorney, but concerned for the leaders who will be heading our government in 20 years. I just could never fight a battle from either side equally. Got 5 of 6 kids in my home, with custody of the 6th, but mom took off with her.
Just talked to my mom in Howard City, Mi. said it's cold and rainy.
Anyway, please don't worry too much (easy for me to say, right?) Don't tell the kids that dads trying to take them away.
And go to the game, if dad wants to show, he will.
<LI> I'm still not clear if you have a schedule, or is the time written as "reasonable"? PS

The papers say reasonable visitation as may be agreed upon between the parties. Should the parties be unable to agree to visitation, then visitation shall occur pursuant to the amended parenting policy. In this policy it doesn't stipulate anything about extracurricular activites, etc. However it does say:

The following schedule will be mandated when efforts to work out times and dates through agreement or informal or formal mediation have not been successful.

In this policy it stipulates every other weekend Friday 6:00p.m. to Sunday 6:00p.m.

One thing I will make clear is that I never denied his visit and I did inform him where I was at the time he was due to pick our children up.

How can they get me for contempt when he knew where I was. The papers don't stipulate I have to be at home for him to pick our son up.

Any other advise, I'm listening.

Per the decree, it appears that you haven't any concern. Would like to hear of the outcome though.

I wrote the ex a letter: (haven't sent it yet)
I am writing to again inform you of Nathan's baseball game on June 2, 2000 at 6:15p.m. on "B" field by the high school. I firmly believe that this is in Nathan's best interest and he has chosen to be a member of this team therefore we as his parents need to be responsible and ensure that he be at these games. He is improving so much now and will be going into the majors next year. Every effort on your part to ensure he can attend these games is greatly appreciated. I am sure that Nathan would enjoy seeing you present for his game and then your visit could begin immediately following.

In the future how do you suggest we handle situations like this in order to prevent further problems? Please inform me of your suggestions. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

What do you think? I will be sending a copy to the Friend of the Court also. I send them copies of every letter I send to my ex.

I also informed my ex in a prior letter that Nathan will be having tournaments coming up, not scheduled at this time but as soon as I get a schedule I will let him know. Our children will be with him during those tournaments unless they fall on my weekend for the summer and I don't know if he will take them. How should I handle that? We won't be in court before then.

Thanks for your wonderful input.
Toni

The best action for both parents, and your son to take, is just what you're doing. June 2nd is a little close, but dad should be aware that the game is scheduled. With a copy to the Friend of the Court, I think you're doing the best you can, and believe the JUdge will agree. I did read your past posts, and believe that dad won't be able to change custody. 'Custody', 'visitation', sounds like jail terms, and a divorce should not mean a jail sentence for the boy. Good Luck,-PS

x

[This message has been edited by Always searching (edited October 15, 2000).]

I gave my ex a copy of the baseball schedule on 5-5-00, wrote him a letter and mailed it to him, he admitted to receiving the letter in his response to the letter regarding the baseball games. His letter states: I am writing to inform you that I received your letter you mailed on may 15, 2000. As I have stated previously I will pick the children up on may 19 and June 2, 2000 at 6 p.m. because I already have prior committments with the children which I have stated to you since Feb. As to our sons health benefits he would have better health benefits from not eating so much fast foods and boxed foods. Thank you for your cooperation in seeing that i get my rightful parenting time with the children because baseball games come and go but parents last a lifetime.

That is what he wrote regarding the letter I sent him informing him of these games.

I have copies of every letter i sent him and every letter he sent me as well as all the letters i sent the Friend Of The Court. I just put the note on the door as an extra informative measure.

According to his letter he wrote to the Friend of the court he waited in my driveway from 6-6:40, he could have spent that time at the game. I never denied his visit, just informed him of where we would be. And asked his assistance in ensuring that our son attend these games.

As far as being cooperative, I have been I have never denied any visits and offered more when i could but generally he always tells me well, we will get back with you on that. As a matter of fact, over easter I told my ex that the children had a few extra days off school and if they would like they could have the children for that time. Instead of just a weekend visit, they picked them up on Wednesday April 19. Plus just this past week on Wednesday May 24 I offered my ex the weekend of June 9 and my ex said we don't have our planner we will get back to you. Haven't heard a thing. His visits aren't supposed to begin until 6:00 on Fridays but up until he started taking advantage I used to allow him to pick our children up at 4:30, 5:00. I have all those times documented. This is an issue on his part about child support. He doesnt want to pay it. Sad thing,(for him) this judge is the same judge he saw for contempt when he was behind on his child support . Same judge that told him he was a disgrace to society and he made him sick. I have a paper trail and as far as our court orders, we don't have court orders like those with attorneys. We don't have attorneys. He doesn't have one and neither do I. We didn't when we got our divorce. I have been working with the FOC for quite some time now because he has been terrible as far as visitation. Trying to discredit me to the court in order to get joint physical custody. Our court evaluator informed me when I told her of the baseball games to write a letter before I took our son to game documenting my intended plans that day. She didn't tell me to take our son to the game but document my plans and send it to the FOC office. I had requested mediation in nov. he refused, have that letter. Court evaluator requested mediation for us just last month and he refused, have that letter. Wrote him a letter asking him to attend family counseling, he never responded to that. Have that letter. He refuses everything with the explanation that I am not willing to cooperate with him. It seems quite apparent that he is the uncooperative one when he won't even attend a mediation. i think a judge will see that. What are your opinions on this now? Please respond.

You go girl-you have it together. You will win. Good for you.