Not allowed to see son, jealous ex

Hi
I am 34 married for almost 2 years to a great guy, the problem is his ex wife. He has a 6 year old son with her and since I have came into the picture she has become very beligerent and uncooperative. They have a joint custody agreement, but have been divorced since the son was about 1 year. She had let her ex see his son whenever he wanted and lived only a mile away so they got to spend alot of time together. Since I have married my husband she has refused to let his son visit with us, not showing up at designated exchange places, she has moved at least 6 or more times so my husband cannot come to see their son. She changes her phone number whenever we can obtain it, so my husband has no way of communicating with him. We have no idea where he lives, where he goes to school nothing. When he did visit when we were first married he would tell me his mom hated me or that his mom told him to hit me etc, I was than pregnant at that time. She has told him I worship satan and that I hate him. She tells the son that my husband doesn't love him anymore since we now have a baby.
Recently we were notified thru a social worker that the son was in a psychiatric hospital for hyperactivty and bipolar disorder. We were only notified because my husbands insurance. The hospital also said the son did not want to see his father. He was put in there by his mom who said he had threatened to kill her, his classmates, and jump from a moving vehicle. He is on a load of medications now, we have not seen him since. In the year 2000 we have seen him a total of 28 hours.
Recently we tried to get custody away from her, but she got an attorney and is now saying the following,
that we (husband and I ) showed him how to have sex by having sex in front of him, he than tried to have sex with a girl at preschool.
that we take naked showers together in front of him
that I was a prostitute with no education and drove a $70,000 sports car which i gained as a naked dancer. ( I am a RN and the 70,000 sports car we just traded in and got $4000 for at trade in) I have no criminal background of anykind.
She has in court documents that I worship satan.
she also said I had a 2# premature baby because of drug use. ( I had a 3.6# baby because I developed eclampsia and almost died)
I do not take drugs.
She has in the court documents that my husband has squished a live bird in his hands. Has kicked our dog, etc etc.
None of this is true!!!!
She wants sole custody with supervised visitation. She wants me to have no contact with him at all this also includes no contact with his sister.
I am very upset fearing child services will come to our house and take my precious dtr from us because of these allegations.
My husband feels he does not need an attorney and can defend himself in court.
I would like to know if I can bring charges of slander against her and how I can protect myself and my dtr from these allegations.
It is tearing our family apart.
My husband is against attorneys saying he had one once before we were even married and spent over $4000 and got nothing. I feel he should get one.
Before we were married she came to the house and threw a fit wanting to meet me etc; ended up putting her fist thru our window. Of course she said she was knocking on it and the glass just fell out. She was not arrested and nothing came of it, but my husband has a restraining order from her. I do not.
I am to the point where I don't want to see the child because everytime we do, something else is said about us.
She is asking for more child support(we pay $550 a month and have never missed) that we pay her attorney fees, and for sole custody with limited supervised visitation without me or my dtr to see him.
What should we do? I am at wits end. Could my dtr be taken from us because of these allegations?
We haven't seen him for over 3 months and than it was never overnite. Only 28 hours this year.
No one seems to listen to us, the court just seems to believe her. I feel my husband needs a good attorney. We live in southern calif. I have numerous phone tapes of her threatening my life when we were first married. Can these be played in court?
She is black and I and my husband are white. I know that shouldn't make a difference, but it seems to in the courts eyes. I guess they feel he should be with his black mom. BTW she just got a teachers job in LA county, but insist he go to public schools which we are forced to pay for. She is asking for over $1000 a month in child support based on her old 99 income when she was not a teacher and made quite a bit less.
What should we do? Do I have a case for slander against her for these allegations? I am going thru much emotional distress from this.
My husband feels he can represent himself.
Can our dtr be taken from us? How do I protect ourselves from her?
Anyone know a good lawyer who could help us?

I have kept a diary from day one of all the things that she has done to destroy our family and the relationship with my husband and his son.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any advise would be appreciated!

------------------
Patricia Farr

Of course you need an attorney. GET ONE FAST! You won't be able to do this one your own. There is alot of info on the net dealing with false accusations of abuse. If you don't know where to go, let me know and I will tell you.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ronne:
[b]Of course you need an attorney. GET ONE FAST! You won't be able to do this one your own. There is alot of info on the net dealing with false accusations of abuse. If you don't know where to go, let me know and I will tell you.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I don't know where to go. How do I get my husband to pay for an attorney? We have a court date on June 8th with mediation first.
I am scared to death and right now in ohio visiting my parents with my dtr. I am scared to return to calif. Please let me know where to go and what to do. thanks for replying!!