One Night Stand... Child.. Now What????? HELP....

[LondonGirl]

Hello.. I can use some advice...my husband had a one night stand 9 years ago.. the woman got pregnant .. we just found out through a DNA test done by the state of Idaho that he is my husbands son... we are now paying child support.. well.. now she is taking us to court for back support...day care etc... the thing is she got married.. put her husband on the birth certificate and did not contact my husband till this child was 5 years old. We have tried speaking with her on the phone and telling her we want to include him in our life and just make things right.. she won't have it that way.. she loves the drama of it all.. and the only person suffering is this 8 year old child.. now.. after this trial in Oct.. if we have to pay more than child support.. we will not be able to afford to see him ... he lives in Idaho.. we live in Santa Fe. What do we do? What are my husbands rights? Please help if you can! thanks!

 

[goodmommy]

Ok, let me get this straight. She is making you pay, but won't let you see him? If she is collecting child support from your husband, then your husband should have a right to be in the child's life. If your husband and especially you are willing to let bigons be bigons then I think that in itself is a wonderful thing and shows that you are people who know what is important in life. Has your husband ever seen the boy? And if so, how much time have they gotten to spend with each other?

 

[Edward]

Where is this womens husband. Is he still in the picture ?

Since the DNA test was positive, go to court and get visitation. She does not have much of a say in this now she has announced that your husband is the father.

 

[LondonGirl]

Hello...first I would like to say thank you for the help to everyone! No.. my husband has not seen this child.. she wants to take us for every extra penny we have.. and when that happens we will not have the money to travel back and forth to visit.. it is almost like we are caught between a rock and a hard place.You know what gets me is she is coming across like miss innocent.. hey .. she had sex with a married man .. and now has a son by him.. but is now going to make it so hard to see him.. ;( I almost feel like running an add in the New York Times.. getting some real public attention on this..i am at the ned of my rope for logical answers... lawyers are going to have a field day with my hubby..;(

 

[LondonGirl]

Hello...first I would like to say thank you for the help to everyone! No.. my husband has not seen this child.. she wants to take us for every extra penny we have.. and when that happens we will not have the money to travel back and forth to visit.. it is almost like we are caught between a rock and a hard place.You know what gets me is she is coming across like miss innocent.. hey .. she had sex with a married man .. and now has a son by him.. but is now going to make it so hard to see him.. ;( I almost feel like running an add in the New York Times).. getting some real public attention on this..i am at the end of my rope for logical answers... lawyers are going to have a field day with my hubby..;(

 

[Edward]

When you go for court ordered visitation, go for fewer but longer during. First of all, she will freak at having to give up her child for 4 weeks in the summer or for christmas after all these years. Second, see about her paying some of the travel costs. This will only work if she has moved from the state that the child was born.

Personally, it disgusts me when women do that.. it is one thing to anounce you have a child and ask for support, but when back support is order it is very wrong. You may, and I am not sure of the laws on this, only be forced to pay back support to the day the DNA test results were given.

 

[goodmommy]

I think the first order of business is to establish visitations. As the other man said, the most inexpensive route would be to have longer, fewer visits. After getting to know the child, I would find out what kind of lifestye this mother is providing. If I had a son out there, I would be seriously concerned about this. If this woman is playing games with the child like this, perhaps the child should be removed from the home. I do not think an extreme action such as this should be taken unless a relationship is first established between father and son. You seem like a woman who is genuinely concerned about the welfare of this child. Is it possible for your family to relocate? Family is family and you seem to be willing to embrace this child. By the way, how does your husband feel about all this?