overnight visits

[WORRRIED DAD NEEDS HELP!]

I have not been an active father. I work a lot and I was never around. My girlfriend left me and I would like to spend some time with our son. She is against this and doesn't think I deserve to have time, since I was never there to support them.
He is 18 mo old. I have an attorney that is fighting for full custody for me. I know that I won't, certainly shouldn.t get it!
Is there something in ILlinois law about overnight visits with children under 2. If so let me know, I read what Indiana's was from an earlier post.

Also, Do you think I even have a chance of getting custody, since I was never there. My girlfriend is a great mom, and this is getting dirty. Should I just expect her to get sole custody and me get visitation?

Please give me some of your advice.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WORRRIED DAD NEEDS HELP!:

I have not been an active father. I work a lot and I was never around. My girlfriend left me and I would like to spend some time with our son. She is against this and doesn't think I deserve to have time, since I was never there to support them.
He is 18 mo old. I have an attorney that is fighting for full custody for me. I know that I won't, certainly shouldn.t get it!
Is there something in ILlinois law about overnight visits with children under 2. If so let me know, I read what Indiana's was from an earlier post.

Also, Do you think I even have a chance of getting custody, since I was never there. My girlfriend is a great mom, and this is getting dirty. Should I just expect her to get sole custody and me get visitation?

Please give me some of your advice.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


My response:

Well, at least you know yourself and admit to your shortcomings. That's a start.

Your girlfriend is absolutely wrong in this matter. Regardless of your support problems (which will be dealt with by the court), visitation has nothing to do with support - - these are two different issues, and one has nothing to do with the other. Your girlfriend cannot legally hold the child up for ransom to the exclusion of your right to visitation.

At age two, it's "iffy" if you'll be able to obtain overnight visitation.

What has changed that now you'll be able to spend more time with your child? At best, you'll obtain shared custody. At worst, you'll obtain court-ordered visitation; and she must abide by the order. Your attorney will further advise you if your girlfriend fails to follow the court's orders.

Thanks for writing.

IAAL

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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."

 

[MySonsMom]

You said that she is a good mom..Why would you want to get or try to get sole custody if she is a good mom? IAAL is right, visitation and support are separate..never entangled together. This is just a little advice..nothing legal or anything. Sounds like she is upset because of what you have done or not done in the past. Maybe instead of trying to take the child from her, work with her on what would be best for all involved. You will get visitation of the child (bearing in mind there isn't something horrible that you aren't telling us), there's no doubt about that. Why not go for joint custody, with her having physical custody. This way, the child will reside with the mother and visit you. You will also have access to information about your child when you want it, and will have the right to be involoved in your childs life. Having separated parents is hard enough on a child, but having them fight and disagree because they don't get along is horrible. Beleive me, if you try and take that child away from her when it is apparent she has done EVERYTHING for the child up until now, you will have some major problems with dealing with her now and forever. Set the bitterness aside and do what is best for the child...and from what you have said the best would be for the child to remain with the mother and for you to play an active role in his/her life. Good luck and God bless!

 

[usdeeper]

If you want to get back into your sons life then you are going about it all wrong. You have not been around much and now here you are coming out with guns drawn and ready to fight. Your ex will fight you every step of the way because you have not been involved much and now here you are trying to take control and demanding your rights. The fact that you are even thinking about full custody is silly.. and I question the attorney you have for putting the case together..

My wife’s ex is doing EXACTLY the same things as we speak (without the custody part). Had very little to do with his child and then suddenly starts to demand and threaten us.. legal action has started and it is going to get bloody. However, and here is the kicker… had he come to us and said, ‘you know what, I have not been around much but I know have the means to be able to see my daughter a lot more and would like to change the visitation schedule to reflect this’. Guess what ?.. we would have had it completed by now….

You course of action is simple… drop the sole custody action. You do not have a chance unless you have proof that she is abusing the child. Call a truce, and explain to her, in person or in letter that you except that you have not been around much but want to be involved. Except that visitation to begin with will be little. Explain that you will except that and with time, hope to prove to her that you are serious.. and that if you keep up with all this, that you will want more time later.

You can also explain that no matter what your history, a judge will award you visitation so it would be better if you can work this out.. Do not try and take control or even give her the impression you are trying to take control. Do not expect overnight visitation for at least 6 months, maybe more.

If after all this… she still refused to accept anything. Then you have something to show the judge. Get to court and get your visitation... but, even when you ‘win’ this, do not throw it in her face or come across as arrogant. Court order or not, if the custodial parent wants to make things difficult, they will. If you do not pay child support, then expect to have to pay back support.

Sorry for stating some of the obvious.. maybe you have already approached her in a friendly none demanding way and maybe she has told you that never will you see the child… in that case, most of that I said is irrelevant, get to court and get your visitation order.

 

[worried dad needs help!]

I kicked her out...I have not spoken to her since she left. She is not allowing me to see him til a judge says so. She says legally I am not the father.....
I WILL GET HIM! I WILL GET SOLE CUSTODY!
I WILL FIGHT HER AND WIN!
I HAVE MY OWN HOUSE, SHE HAS NOTHING, I MAKE GOOD MONEY, SHE DOES NOT!!!
I HAVE A LOT OF BALLS IN MY COURT.
I just have not been an active father. I am smarter and stronger!
My son would rather be with me!

Does work schedules matter in custody cases?
I work 7 days a week and long hours...
She on the other hand is with him 24-7?

DO I EVEN HAVE A CHANCE?

 

[worried dad needs help!]

I kicked her out...I have not spoken to her since she left. She is not allowing me to see him til a judge says so. She says legally I am not the father.....
I WILL GET HIM! I WILL GET SOLE CUSTODY!
I WILL FIGHT HER AND WIN!
I HAVE MY OWN HOUSE, SHE HAS NOTHING, I MAKE GOOD MONEY, SHE DOES NOT!!!
I HAVE A LOT OF BALLS IN MY COURT.
I just have not been an active father. I am smarter and stronger!
My son would rather be with me!

Does work schedules matter in custody cases?
I work 7 days a week and long hours...
She on the other hand is with him 24-7?

DO I EVEN HAVE A CHANCE?

 

[smileyhapy]

In you court you have "balls"? I find it interesting the change in tone in the last post. Material things do not make a case for sole custody. You are obviously angry at HER and your lack of control over the whole situation is frustrating you. You really want to get back at HER don't you. It isn't about the baby, it is about your controlling HER. Why don't you listen to USdeeper. He is wise in what he said. Shared custody with reasonable visitation is what you will end up with after your fit of anger and your spending lots of money trying to hurt HER. Gosh why don't you grow up and realize that all the "balls" in your court are probably just little isty bitsy ones.

 

[usdeeper]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by worried dad needs help!:
I kicked her out...I have not spoken to her since she left. She is not allowing me to see him til a judge says so. She says legally I am not the father.....
I WILL GET HIM! I WILL GET SOLE CUSTODY!
I WILL FIGHT HER AND WIN!
I HAVE MY OWN HOUSE, SHE HAS NOTHING, I MAKE GOOD MONEY, SHE DOES NOT!!!
I HAVE A LOT OF BALLS IN MY COURT.
I just have not been an active father. I am smarter and stronger!
My son would rather be with me!

Does work schedules matter in custody cases?
I work 7 days a week and long hours...
She on the other hand is with him 24-7?

DO I EVEN HAVE A CHANCE?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


You are a control freak and I suggest you spend your money getting help as opposed to legal council. How on earth do you know that a 2 year old want to live you with ??.. From your attitude, I suggest the child would be 10 times better being with his mother. What are you going to do with the child when you win your prize ?, stick him in day care 24x7 ? or in the throphy cabinet ?.

No wonder she will not let you see him.. Smarter ?, I do not think so.. stronger ?, what are you going to do ?, beat her up ?. Grow up and go away..

 

[smileyhapy]

I bet he will put the baby in the trophy cabinet. You pegged him to a tee, Us. Wise man you are.

 

[MySonsMom]

&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;I WILL GET HIM! I WILL GET SOLE CUSTODY!
I WILL FIGHT HER AND WIN!
I HAVE MY OWN HOUSE, SHE HAS NOTHING, I MAKE GOOD MONEY, SHE DOES NOT!!!
I HAVE A LOT OF BALLS IN MY COURT.
I just have not been an active father. I am smarter and stronger!
My son would rather be with me!I work 7 days a week and long hours...
She on the other hand is with him 24-7? &gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;


I have 2 words...Supervised visitation.

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~MySonsMom~

 

[worried dad needs help]

Huh
I have not seen my son, in sooo long. am so pissed off at my attorney.
Am I being unreasonable, she was a slob, and couldn't take care of herself let alone my son.
I supported her and gave her whatever she wanted and that was not enough.
I know that she means well, but has a bunch of hatred for me, as I do her!

Will the custody/visitation be different because we were never married.

What are your visitation schedules like, I would like to get an idea of what is out there.

Should I keep fighting her for FULL CUSTODY?

If I lose, I will have to pay child support...What do you pay a month? or get a month?
I can control my pay so, let me get an average of what is out there...

She will not get more that what I have to give, and I will get everything that I have coming to me!

Please respond

 

[happysooner]

I cannot believe that any judge would give you any visitation. You sound unstable.
I have a friend who recently went through a separation and they were not married, but the children were too young to have overnights. The fathers' work schedule was not compatable with the visitation schedule, so luckily the jerk finally gave up!
Now she is so happy on her own with her son and moving on!
So for the sake of your sons mother, give up, you sound like a control freak that was too busy to make time for your son, so why start now. If you wanted to be a father to your son, you would have changed jobs or done something else so you could be around more.

 

[LoserAlert]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by worried dad needs help:
I can control my pay so, let me get an average of what is out there...

She will not get more that what I have to give, and I will get everything that I have coming to me!

Please respond<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Your kidding right ? Do your kid a favor and disappear you loser !

 

[WORRRIED DAD NEEDS HELP!]

HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT I CAN JUST WALK AWAY!
THAT IS MY SON AND SHE IS PSYCHO!
EVEN THOUGH I WORK A LOT, I WILL FIND BETTER CARE FOR MY SON AND HE WILL BE BETTER OFF WITH ME. I WENT TO SCHOOL. I HAVE AN EDUCATION. I WILL BE THE BETTER PARENT TO FINACIALLY SUPPORT HIM!

THANKS FOR ALL THE IMPUT. BUT IT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE THERE ARE MANY FATHERS OUT THERE LIKE ME THAT BELIEVE THE SON IS BETTER OFF WITH THE FATHER NOT THE MOTHER.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My observation:

Let's review. On the dates below, this gentleman, in discussing gaining visitation/custody of his 18 month old son, said:

On July 22 -

"I have not been an active father . . . fighting for full custody for me. I know that I won't, certainly shouldn't get it!
Do you think I even have a chance of getting custody, since I was never there. My girlfriend is a great mom."

On July 23 -

"I WILL GET HIM! I WILL GET SOLE CUSTODY! I MAKE GOOD MONEY, SHE DOES NOT!!! I HAVE A LOT OF BALLS IN MY COURT. I just have not been an active father."

On July 28 -

" am so pissed off at my attorney. Am I being unreasonable, she was a slob, and couldn't take care of herself let alone my son. Should I keep fighting her for FULL CUSTODY? . . . and I will get everything that I have coming to me!"

On July 29 -

"THAT IS MY SON AND SHE IS PSYCHO!"

Comments:
Sorry, I withdraw my first post to you. Sadly, anyone reading the above can see you're deeply disturbed. Anyone can see you're out of control, and barely able to handle yourself, let alone care for an 18 month old. Your girlfriend has probably already mentioned this to you, and undoubtedly will refuse to stay with you, at some near future time. Your mood-swings and manner graphically show that the only things you need to "get" is psychiatric assistance and some meds. You're doing "change-ups" on a near daily basis in your attitude, and a judge will immediately see that. Have you heard of the medication called "Paxil"?

Can you show the court that you have been to, and passed, "anger management" courses?

I have dealt with parents much like yourself in my law practice, and they are completely irrational and out of control. Even their own attorneys hate them, and don't fight for them. All their attorney wants to do is "get it over" as fast as possible. Later, they call me to say words like, "Gee, if I had known they were so explosive, I would never have agreed to represent him/her."

And those parents wind up with nothing, except an empty bank account because their money went to their attorney.

And just for clarification, you have no "balls" anywhere; what you have is marbles in that empty space between your ears, and certainly nothing between your legs.

IAAL

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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."



[This message has been edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE (edited July 29, 2000).]