Please read and advise on a child custody issue

In February I sent my 14 year-old daughter to visit with her father who lives in another state, to perhaps build a relationship. She has lived with me for the entire fourteen years and her father and I were never married and we have never been to court for custody.I sent her down to live with him on the verbal agreement that she could return at anytime based on her feelings of adapability and comfort. He is now refusing to send her home and she has verbalized to me and him that she does not wish to stay with him any longer. She has caught him in an affair with a woman other than his wife and he has hit her stepmother, needless to say she is not comfortable being there nor is she being supplied with an emotionally stable environment. He is a military person on top of everything and the other woman happens to be in the military as well. My question is how do I get her out of this situation? Should I go to his commanding officer and see if he can help to get her home to me or can I go and pick her up from school and bring her back home without being accused of kidnapping. We have never had a custody hearing nor has there been anything filed to do so. Please advise me on what to do, as I don't have a lot of money to retain a lawyer.

i dont know about your state but if there is no custody order you can take her from school anytime you want SHE IS YOUR CHILD TOO! My ex has taken my boys from school many times without my permision and there is a custody order. Is he listed on her birth certficate? If not he may not have the legal right to have her in the first place

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cat2young:
[b]i dont know about your state but if there is no custody order you can take her from school anytime you want SHE IS YOUR CHILD TOO! My ex has taken my boys from school many times without my permision and there is a custody order. Is he listed on her birth certficate? If not he may not have the legal right to have her in the first place

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I would send her the ticket or fly or drive down myself and pick her up. He cant stop you, he has no court order.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cat2young:
[b]i dont know about your state but if there is no custody order you can take her from school anytime you want SHE IS YOUR CHILD TOO! My ex has taken my boys from school many times without my permision and there is a custody order. Is he listed on her birth certficate? If not he may not have the legal right to have her in the first place

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I would send her the ticket or fly or drive down myself and pick her up. He cant stop you, he has no court order.

Pick up the phone, call his commanding office and explain what is happening. Make sure you explain everything including the fact that the child wants to return to you.

If you get no joy, go pick her up yourself. Then file for custody.