Post-divorce mediation?

Hello.

Please please please help.

We're in New Hampshire and my husband has joint legal custody of his daughter, but the mother has residential custody.

My husband is being denied his full visitation with his 12 yr old daughter. His divorce stips spell out every other weekend, and two blocks of 4 hour time during the week (basically two evenings). The stips also say that the time extends as his daughter gets older. She was 5 at the time of the agreement, and the original times stated from 2pm to 6pm. It's been 5:30pm to 9:30 pm for 4 years now, since my husband now works during the day. (He used to be able to get the time off for the visitation, and then would go back to work, now he can't at his current job).

Beginning last month, the mother has made his daughter unavailable to my husband except one night a week (and his weekends). She says that if he wants more time, he'll have to stick to the original divorce stips of 2 to 6 pm (when he is at work). She has done other things, like schedule activities during his time without his consent, and not inform him of medical care or school events (all against the stips).

We're trying to start the process of mediation. Would I, the second wife, be allowed in mediation? How successful have people been straightening this type of thing out in mediation? The mother's lawyer says she is adamant about not budging, and it is "in the best interests of the child." Second, if the mother refuses to go to mediation and we end up in court, how costly is it? How likely are we to get back what we've already had for four years? How long does this stuff take? My poor stepdaughter is stressed and upset that she can't see her dad as much as she used to. And we worry about losing more and more of what time we have, gradually over the years due to the mom's actions....

Thank you for your time,
DJ/PL


[This message has been edited by DJ_PL (edited September 12, 2000).]

[LegalBeagle]

In this case, do not waste your time in mediation. Have your attorney file an order to show cause and drag her arse into court for contempt of a court order.

You could also send her a letter stating that continuing to deny the father a relationship with his child is grounds for a custody change and if she continues to deny visitation you 'may' also seek to have physical custody changed to her abuse of the court orders.

If you file a petition now, you could be in court in a month and should cost you no more than 1500.

LegalBeagle, Thank you very much for responding to my question. I appreciate your advice. If you don't mind, I'd like to ask a few follow ups... If we take her to court for contempt, is there any way we can keep the scope limited to the issue? We're afraid that she will distract from the issue with outlandish demands/requests/complaints of her own and the whole custody agreement will be re-discussed. My husband said that in the original custody battle, that was her/her lawyer's tactic and it worked well.

If we take her to court for contempt, will a GAL be assigned to my stepdaughter? Would a twelve year old be stressed by that sort of process (contempt hearing), or is she kept mostly out of it? And finally, both parties were psychiatrically evaluated during the original court battle 7 years ago. My husband came out as "affable" and she evaluated with pages of problems (paranoia, fragile sense of self, her "views are her and hers alone" and that sort of thing). The courts said that since the mother was in therapy, they did not want to "kick any one while down" and less time with her daughter would impede her progress of getting better. Would that same logic from the courts stop us from getting our four hours back? Even if visitation interference can be grounds for modification of custody change, would we be foolish to even mention that under these circumstances? Or would they help my husband now? The evaluation and divorce documents were "sealed" at the end of the custody battle, so I'm not sure what that means...

My husband contacted a lawyer, but we haven't heard back yet. We're just so anxious to stop all of this mess and get back to our routine.

Thank you so much.
DJ/PL