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  1. #1
    kasey Guest

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    I'm soon to be mom that is no longer with the father of the child. We were never married. I have no intentions of ever getting back with the father and would like to have as little contact with him as possible.So I was thinking about not putting his name on the birth certificate but I don't know how that will affect my rights as the mother. Or his rights as the biological father. Please respond as soon as possible if you can give me some advice. Because the baby is due any day now. Thanks, Kasey
  2. #2
    concerned GF Guest

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    Your child has a right to know his/her father. Put his name on the b/c and allow him to be involved. Do it for your child!!!
  3. #3
    FatherStepmom Guest

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    Put his name on the birth certificate. My husband's ex didn't put his name and under father is said "unknown." This actually looks worse on you than the father. My husband went to court and had it added very easily and it is just not something that is worth the hassle.....do it from the beginning and spare yourself the confusion of it begin done afterwards...that is all you need with a newborn baby. The father may be required to take a paternity test depending on the state you are in due to the fact that you aren't married, you might want to check that out. GOOD LUCK!
  4. #4
    MySonsMom is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
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    Iowa
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    Kasey: Your ex boyfriend is as much the parent to that child as you are at this point. You decided to get pregnant and have a child with *him* and I'm sorry to say but he will be in your life *forever*. This is what you chose to do. The contact between you and him can be minimal, but don't deprive a child out of a parent because it didn't work out between the two consenting adults. Unless he is proving to be unfit, or the child is in danger with him..he has rights. If you do not put his name on the b/c, it will cause problems in the long run. More extensive and expensive fees, and since he IS the father why eliminate him on the b/c. As of right now, it's not about you it's about your child, and the parents rights..ex boyfriend is the parent too. I know it's hard when the relationship has deminished, but do what is best..this is a child that you are talking about ...and everyone has the right to know their parents and vice versa. Good luck to you!

    ------------------
    ~MySonsMom~
  5. #5
    Adopted@14 Guest

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    Hi Kasey,

    You might want to read my post at [url="http://bbs.freeadvice.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/003775.html"]http://bbs.freeadvice.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/003775.html[/url]

    My mother had my father removed from my birth certificate through a step parent adoption when I was 14. Not that age matters in your case though. Anyways, she made visitation nearly impossible for my father, threatened him with court action for past unpaid child suppot, finally got him to agree to the adoption, convinced my stepdad to adopt me and my sister and now it's a real big problem for me as a 33y/o man thinking about starting my own family and not carrying my birthname and missing out on having my father in my life. My humble opinion would be for you to think ahead, think of your child more than yourself, and don't ever think that your child wont question your motives later on in life. Ask yourself if you want deal with the results of this 20 or 30 years from now when your child begins thinking about starting a family of his/her own?

    There are already a few responses to your message that I agree with. You will forever have a connection to your child's father through your child regardless of what you do legally. As someone who has gone through this before, I believe that your child has a right to know who his/her biological father is. To change "facts" on a birth certificate may, in the short term satisfy your desire to separate yourself from the child's father, however, in the long term it may only prove to build a curiosity, an anger, a drive to seek him out. You may later find the tables turn on you when your child resents your past actions. My own mother did this to me and now she's dealing with it 19 years later.

    Hopefully you take this heart and you won't think that I'm coming down on you hard. Just thought I would throw my $.02 worth of life experience when I saw your post.

    Adopted@14


    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kasey:
    [b]I'm soon to be mom that is no longer with the father of the child. We were never married. I have no intentions of ever getting back with the father and would like to have as little contact with him as possible.So I was thinking about not putting his name on the birth certificate but I don't know how that will affect my rights as the mother. Or his rights as the biological father. Please respond as soon as possible if you can give me some advice. Because the baby is due any day now. Thanks, Kasey [/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

  6. #6
    FallenAngel Guest

    Post

    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kasey:
    [b]I'm soon to be mom that is no longer with the father of the child. We were never married. I have no intentions of ever getting back with the father and would like to have as little contact with him as possible.So I was thinking about not putting his name on the birth certificate but I don't know how that will affect my rights as the mother. Or his rights as the biological father. Please respond as soon as possible if you can give me some advice. Because the baby is due any day now. Thanks, Kasey [/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Dear Kasey,
    I am a 25 yr old, single mom of a 3 1/2 yr old little girl. I went through exactly what you are going through, only I chose NOT to put the father's name on the birth certificate since he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with us. I am now stuck in a legal hassel. I have become engaged recently and my fiance wants to adopt my daughter, which I agree with, but the natural father needs to consent. Since there is no name on the birth certificate we now seem to be faced with problems in validating the adoption, at least here in NY. You should consider your future in this regard and check your state laws about such things. You sound like you are young, like myself, and I hope you find happiness with another one day. Please consider putting the father's name on the certificate. He does not need to agree to it and therefore is not required to be in yours or your child's life just by naming him the father. Good Luck with everything. My thoughts are with you. Sincerely, Claire Jane.
  7. #7
    Dee911 Guest

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    Girl - If you have no intensions of ever seeing,hearing or talking to him again and you do NOT want child support from him EVER, then don't put his name down, but dont ever lie to your child either. I wish I would have left the "sperm donor" off my childs b/c, it would have been better for everyone. Either way you need to think of all sides..what about his family? Think about it, it's easy to add but hard to take a name off.
  8. #8
    Edward Guest

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    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dee911:
    [b]Girl - If you have no intensions of ever seeing,hearing or talking to him again and you do NOT want child support from him EVER, then don't put his name down, but dont ever lie to your child either. I wish I would have left the "sperm donor" off my childs b/c, it would have been better for everyone. Either way you need to think of all sides..what about his family? Think about it, it's easy to add but hard to take a name off.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    So you are saying it is ok to DENY the man a right to have a relationship with the child ? I would love for there to be a law that would send to prison any women who purposesly and knowingly hid the child from a father.

  9. #9
    Adopted@14 Guest

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    I believe that every case is unique, but the mother of a child shouldn't be so determined to rid her life of the father of the child by having his name removed from a birth certificate. Complete selfishness IMNSHO! The child was born to the natural parents, the birth mother and the birth father, and our legal system seems to usurp these documented facts from the child without regard for the "future adult's" feelings or desire. Who's thinking about the child's right to have documented, and know, who their natural parents are, especially after the child reaches the age of majority?


    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dee911:
    [b]Girl - If you have no intensions of ever seeing,hearing or talking to him again and you do NOT want child support from him EVER, then don't put his name down, but dont ever lie to your child either. I wish I would have left the "sperm donor" off my childs b/c, it would have been better for everyone. Either way you need to think of all sides..what about his family? Think about it, it's easy to add but hard to take a name off.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

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