question about mediation

We are in FL. My husband's ex gave her three children to their fathers to raise 2 years ago. (We have one and she has 2 others with another man, "Bill"...we have since become friends with him so all of the ex's children can spend time together...long story.)

My husband recently got sole custody of their son because she hardly ever visits the child and didn't show up in court for the modification hearing...her written response to it was all "poor me" and didn't even mention the child.

Our friend, Bill, has petitioned the court for the same thing for their 2 children...no lawyers, same judge in both cases...judge was not impressed that she failed to show twice for my husband's custody case. She routinely goes 6 to 9 weeks between visitation or phone calls and only lives 5 minutes away from the children. Bill is asking for child support this time (my husband didn't ask for it.)

Bill has to go to mediation this week because the ex contests this modification. My first question for Bill is, if they can't reach an agreement at mediation, will they then be able to go before the judge or do they continue mediation until one side caves?

Also, if she doesn't show up for the mediation, does that give her less of a chance to stop the modification? (The modification is based on the fact that mom hardly sees/calls the kids and contributes NOTHING to their well being...Bill wants to change from shared custody and him having primary physical residence to having sole custody/child support since she hasn't been participating in the shared custody at all.)

Also, the ex claims she is a "housewife" and put zero down as her imcome. She does work with her new hubby under the table, and in fact, 3 days after filing her financial affidavit, left a message on Bill's voice mail that she couldn't get the kids (as usual)because she had to work. Isn't that contempt of court? Can she get in trouble for that? Bill is bringing the tape to mediation with him and it does state the day and time of this call. Is it worth bringing up without being too "petty?"

Thanks...this board has been tremendous help with our case in the last few weeks.

[LegalBeagle]

Is the mediation 'court ordered' or something that 'bill' has put together and invited her to participate ?

He filed the modification and when she replied, she only said she didn't agree and wanted a hearing. (She didn't specify what she disagrees with...the sole custody or having to now pay support after 2 years.)

He has been doing all of this himself so after he got the response he called the judge's office to set up a hearing date. According to the secretary, the judge wanted them to go to mediation first. The secretary helped him set it up and the mediator's office sent them a date. I don't know if that makes is court ordered or not...I think so.

[LegalBeagle]

The difference is this... court ordered mediation means that the mediator can pass on the results or recommendations to the judge. Mediation which is not court ordered is completely confidential and if it breaks down you go to court and start fresh.

If it is not court ordered, she can turn up, tell bill to go to hell and leave.. you then progress to court.

Thanks for clearing that up about the mediation. Do you happen to know if the voice mail message stating she couldn't get the kids because of having to work is proof that she does have a job? Like I stated before, she put no income on her financial affidavit, presumably to try to get out of paying support. I think this does work/doesn't work thing is petty, but Bill wants to have everything he can to help prove his side.

I, in my nonprofessional opinion, think at best he will get child support but probably not a modification of the custody because nothing drastic has changed, only that mom refuses to see the children with any regularity.

It hurts the nine year old so much when her mom won't see her. The three year old hardly knows her and cries and begs for daddy not to leave her at her mom's when they do get invited over. The three year old hardly remembers to call her mommy. Here, my step son is now in counceling due to his anger and abandonment "issues." (That was just commentary...not particularly relevent to my questions )

[LegalBeagle]

He can try and use the tape.. whether it is accepted is another matter and it is not petty as it is evidence of her working which she has stated she does not do.

If Bill has physical custody then that is the main thing.. whether he can get it changed to sole is another matter.

It is hard to accept visitation when it is at one parents whim and not regular enough for the child to form the relationship they need. In this case you should petition the court again and try to reduce the visitation or make it supervised and in a public place. That way you are always with the child and they do not feel so bad at being forced to leave you to visit a stranger.