Right answers, wrong answers - The BRIGHT side

[Illinois Parent]

I am sure that I will be accused of taking a pollyanna attitude, but I've been called worse. And rightly so, too!

There is a benefit to reading 'wrong' answers, answers based on common societal misconceptions, misunderstandings of the law and simply 'wrong' thinking. As a matter of fact, I have personally benefited. There was a posting re: a NCP wanting to get custody based on, among other things, a change in the NCP's life. In all the back and forth, I found something that I am able to use in my own situation. Something I did not see, and probably would not have seen left to my own devices. It is possible that my attorney would have found/used this arguement in his own due time, but, then again, he may not have either. While this one little piece will probably not win or loose the case for me, it has helped me to sleep better.

The point is that there is value here for both 'advice' as well as legal answers. Yes, I do feel that those who are knowledgeable SHOULD correct any wrong answers whenever they spot them. And NO, I don't think that those of us who are not lawyers or legal experts should take offense at being corrected. We should all know our limitations and not be hurt when we are publicly reminded of them. We stuck our noses in where we lacked expertise. Those who are experts have the RIGHT to do what they do best, and correct wrong legal advice. Afterall, most of us don't hesitate from 'correcting' what we percieve as wrong.

I am fairly certain that no one will disagree with the essence of what I have stated. I am equally certain that there will be statements at the 'wrongness' of the 'style' of the corrections. As to that, I ask you take another point into consideration.

Human nature being what it is (as social creatures, we all want to be agreed with), when someone poses a question and gets an answer that validates or reinforces their thinking or direction, they are going to be much harder to 'sway' from that position. In this instance, a harsh, pull'em up short type of response can be argued to be required to get their attention. Sometimes, it is necessary to step hard on someone else's advice to assert the facts over opinions.

The basic position of the legal experts that have posted here has been eloquent. When they see incorrect, potentially dangerous information being disseminated, they feel compelled to act. Sometimes swiftly and harshly. There has been (and will be) plenty of disagreement with their method, their stated motives and reasoning, though, is sound. People come here for legal advice. Sound, accurate legal advice. Yes, people come here also to share their stories and look for a shoulder, but primarily for legal answers. I'm certain from the flavor of the personalities of the 'legal minds' here, they would be hard pressed to sleep at night had they not spoken up when they felt compelled. True, this is just cyberspace, but we are talking about real people and real lives in the balance.

Finally, before anyone responds with a 'Yes, but, he attacked ME personally' or anything even close to that, let me state my position. In all the ruckus, I have kept my peace. I have been on the receiving end of some pretty vicious and completely undeserved attacks myself. I handled it then the same way I will handle it now. I choose not to respond. Some people are simply going to rub us the wrong way. We are not going to like what some people say. We are going to be angry and hurt by the way some people speak, thinking they have no right. Well, they do. And we have the right to ignore them.

Point Well Taken...

(Don't know where I heard that, it has been stuck in my brain for days. Finally had an opportunity to use it.. )

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Illinois Parent:
[b]As a matter of fact, I have personally benefited. There was a posting re: a NCP wanting to get custody based on, among other things, a change in the NCP's life. In all the back and forth, I found something that I am able to use in my own situation. Something I did not see, and probably would not have seen left to my own devices. It is possible that my attorney would have found/used this arguement in his own due time, but, then again, he may not have either. While this one little piece will probably not win or loose the case for me, it has helped me to sleep better.
[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Care to share ?

I agree 100%. Even though I'm almost certain my post was the NCP post that IP is referring to, and yes I got my knickers in a wad when I heard "bad news" from LegalBeagle, it did help me to step back and think "Ok, so it's not going to be easy. What do I need to do to make my best case?"

Although my hubby wasn't happy with Legal for knocking me down a few notches in my "hopes", we both realize that it's best to go in with a worst-case-scenerio the best prepared we can be. (Does that make sense?)

In my case, I think because of Legal's advice and admonitions, I went to my attorney better prepared and ready to fight even harder! (She even complimented me on my "magnificent documentation!")

So, thanks Legal...and thanks for the "wrong advice" from others that, while wrong, gave me a glimmer of much-needed hope as well.

------------------
~God gave me three angels!~

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by AMomInNC:
[b]In my case, I think because of Legal's advice and admonitions, I went to my attorney better prepared and ready to fight even harder! (She even complimented me on my "magnificent documentation!")
[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And this probably helped you in other ways. Some attorneys will not touch cases if you arrive with little or no documentation or have no clue. Had you gone with 'I have changed, I want custody' then chances are she would have sent you on your way, regardless of your chances.

However, if you go to an attorney with documentation, neatly laid out and organised and with a 'clue' as to what you want then you will get 100 times better response and help from that attorney.

My advice to anyone if they have the time, go down to your local court and sit through a few family court sessions. Sometimes there could be 20-40 cases in a 2-3 hour slot. Documentation and presentation will win most cases where there is doubt.

At the very least, you go to your attorney with a 'brief' which is 2-5 pages of the details of the case. Where you have further evidence or proof, you insert a note in that brief to reference an attachment. You will always get more from an attorney if you help them, to help you...

Well, I had already gotten my documentation together and was ready to present that anyway.

But you're right. My husband has had to go to court NUMEROUS times whenever his ex-wife decides she needs more Child Support for her trips to NYC or a new car (seriously!) and he's seen more family law cases than he's cared to. He said the same thing: "You better come in PREPARED cuz the judges don't like wasting time with "I want this because..." and a bunch of babbling from the parties."

------------------
~God gave me three angels!~