Shared Custody

[Black Male]

I am a 35 year old Black Male who has recenlty filed for shared custody for my 6 year old son. My child's mother has denied me visitation because she is angry about being served. I have always been a responsible father i.e. paying support without court intervention and participating fully in my son's life. My attorney said the cards are stacked against me. What to do?

 

[MySonsMom]

Why did your attorney say the cards are stacked against you? There is either alot you aren't saying or you have an awful attorney that you need to lose. Also, please tell us what state you live in..and if there is any ordered visitation set yet..Then someone can help. Please be thorough in order for anyone to help. Thanks!

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~MySonsMom~

 

[LegalBeagle]

Why does your attorney state that ?? What reasons does he give ?

You may struggle to get physical custody, but unless you have been convicted of abuse/drugs/neglect then it is your right for full visitation and shared custody.

 

[MySonsMom]

Full visitation yes, but not always "shared custody". If you were referring to joint then yes, but not always "shared". I am NOT a fan of shared custody, too much activity for a child. Sometimes the parents are so wrapped up on who gets to be with the child more, that they forget that this child is entitled to a life, as normal as it can be. Joint I'm all for, but shared physical custody I personally do not think is best for a child. If this poster doesn't have anything "against" him as you said, then yes he is entitled to visitation and joint custody..and even perhaps physical custody if he can prove that the Mother would not be best for the child.

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~MySonsMom~

 

[LegalBeagle]

Shared, joint.. the only thing that matters is physical and I too, am totally against shared physical custody.

 

[MySonsMom]

Ok, that's what I thought after I started posting my response. (joint)

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~MySonsMom~

 

[Black Male]

NO -- I have never been convicted or have any claims of abuse or neglect against me.

My lawyer indicates that the Courts in Maryland do not like to change any legal or living arrangements of a child unless the child is at risk.

My child's mother is also recently married. My lawyer indicates that he feels that the courts will see me as a jealous father.

To the contrary -- I happy as hell someone married her that shows signs of stability. After 4 years of living with a woman who refused to work or be responsible on any level -- I'm totally happy for her.

I am however concerned about the number of times I have found my son home alone with his 14 year old brother at night. I found my little boy trying to open a can of ravioli with a steak Knife because he was hungry.

Not to mention the number of times I left work early to watch him get off of the school bus in a marginal community unattended.

I having been paying for private school and transportation in Baltimore City due to the conditions of Baltimore City Schools. When his mom indicated she was going to enroll him in public school -- I felt the need to have a legal say in the decisions that are being made for my son.

 

[Black Male]

Oh, when my son's mom got served with her paper regarding custody -- she called me to tell me I would not be seeing my son until we go to court.

My lawyer is filing for emergency visitation. I have always picked my son up every weekend and at least one/two days during the week.

At a time when there are federal initiatives to get men to be responsible -- I feel that I'm going to be raked over the coals for trying to make a difference in my child's life.

A young black male with out a father figure is a recipe for disaster!

 

[jennajean]

I would like to know what legalbeagle has to say. although i am in texas, i am considering filing for joint custody but fear retaliation. so any advice on preventing it would be great.

 

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Black Male:
My lawyer indicates that the Courts in Maryland do not like to change any legal or living arrangements of a child unless the child is at risk.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Change ?? Does this mean there are current orders in place or are you filing for the first time ? Please let me know what current orders are in place..

 

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jennajean:
I would like to know what legalbeagle has to say. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The sun is out.. the sky is blue.. there is not a cloud to spoil the view.... but it's raining... raining in my heart... the weather man says clear today, he doesn't know you have gone away.. oh, but it's raining.. raining in my heart...

hehe, I am sure that is not what you wanted.. will respond once this tired old man has had his beauty sleep

 

[Black Male]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LegalBeagle:
Change ?? Does this mean there are current orders in place or are you filing for the first time ? Please let me know what current orders are in place..

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No their are no orders in place except that she has custody. I am filing for the first time. I signed a paternity document stating fatherhood and on the document it indicated that the mother had custody of my son.

 

[LegalBeagle]

If you are filing for joint custody with her having physical custody then the cards are not stacked against you. In fact many courts favor this in the event that you have been an active parent to the child.

If you are trying to get physical or shared physical custody then that is another matter and yes, the cards are stacked against you. In this event, what is in your favour is that she is currently denying visitation. A judge could look at this and realise that she needs to learn that you are very much a part of the childs life and in doing so, let you have your request.

If there are no orders in place then no one can hold it against you or believe you are a jealous father if all you are after is to be part of the childs life.

This is an obvious statement, but don't bring up in front of the judge that you are/may get a bad deal because you are black. It will not go down well.. you have more than enough evidence to show that you have been participating in the childs life and deserve joint custody with full visitation.

Document everything.. get proof of the fact that she is denying visitation. Documents all the times you have seen the child over the last x years.. add them up so that the judge can see at a glance the number of days.

If you are only going for shared custody and proper court ordered visitation then your attorney should be telling you that it will not be a problem and not that the cards are against you.


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Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. Which technically could mean I am an attorney, but I would not tell you either way. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.

 

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jennajean:
I would like to know what legalbeagle has to say. although i am in texas, i am considering filing for joint custody but fear retaliation. so any advice on preventing it would be great.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It comes down to what is currently court ordered, what has changed in the mean time and more importantly, how much money you have.

This is the sad part of the court system. If you do not have the money for a decent attorney then you are already at a disadvantage. If you have the money and circumstances have changed, then yes, fight for a change in custody.. if they retaliate then drag their arse in to court for contempt or just add it to the list to be used against them.

If they deny you your current court ordered rights and you have the money for an attorney, then everything they do is going to go against them and you will generally end up with more rights.. in sever cases a complete change of physical custody can occur if the judge believes that their actions are destroying your relationship with the child.



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Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. Which technically could mean I am an attorney, but I would not tell you either way. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.