sole custody, school says NO!

I have been divorced for awhile now and I was awarded from the Ga State Supreme Courts that I would get SOLE custody of the children. There father does not support these kids in any way although he is COURT ORDERED. I am now re-married to a military guy, he takes good care of us and the kids don't want for nothing and stands behind in the kids education as I do. My question is this...we are having problems with this military school that my oldest (12) goes to. The school is saying she is drepressed. Well, I kept as open mind about it and did exactly what they told me to do-with caution of course. Well, she went to a phycologist and on two evaluations they ruled her NOT depressed but in a hostile school environment and the doctors recommended for the child to be removed from this school immediately. She still goes to this school because the school will not release her and told me that if I removed her that they would take legal actions against me and notify my husband's unit AGAIN. They want me to release to them the information from the doctors do I have to do this, also I have SOLE custody of these kids can they over ride me and take away my parental rights that were given to me? Does this school have any legal rights to over power me and force me to make decisions that I and the doctors have made that would better the "quality of life" for my child. This school has written me a letter that the school sysytem does not recognize me as SOLE legal guardian of these kids and they will continue to seek legal actions against the step-father if we do not turn over the doctors report to them A.S.A.P.
I need a lawyer but no one in Kentucky will help not even JAG.
Contact SPEHISCO@hotmail.com

Is this a boarding school? A day school on a military base? Something doesn't make sense here. What are they threatening you with? Truancy? Reporting you to CPS?

Write the school and inform them that they do not decide custody issues in your state, judges do. If they willfully ignore a court order, they can be found in contempt. Tell the school that you are the sole decision maker with regard to your daughter. Send along a copy of the custody decree.

Step-parents have no authority to make parenting decisions, so what makes the school think your husband can be held liable for your parental decisions?



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This is not legal advice and you are not my client. Double check everything with your own attorney and your state's laws.

This is a school on military post. They told me in a letter mailed to me written by the school's principal that because I have re-married to a military soldier that it is a honor to have my kids in "her" school and as long as we live on this military post that they can and will hold him responsile for making educational decisions on any of the step-children and that they will not and do not recognize me as SOLE LEGAL guardian of these kids regardless if the State of Georgia Sumpreme Courts awarded me this power or not. I have in several attempts tried to give them a copy of the decree and they refused to take it in front of witnesses at one particular meeting we had that consisted a panel of 8 people along with a plea that this does not interfere with my husbands work. They have told me verbally and in written form that they do not have to consult me only the sponsor, my husband, the kids step-father. Since my divorce in 1996 I have always included in my children's school records that I am the SOLE LEGAL guardian to help protect me against my ex-husband, although, out of kindness for my children I do include the bio-father in decisions making but he has no interest. This school has also made kids stay after school for senseless (in my opinion) reasons ie not making a hundred on a vocabulary test the child must stay after school in "punishment" not detention for one and a half hours. One kid made an 80% and another missed only ONE question making a 94% and both had to stay after. I am very concern for my child. I could go on and on.... If anyone has these school issues please contact me. I don't want to think I am alone in this and also, this particular school should not reflect other schools. There are good schools out there with great staff members. Not all schools are bad. Parents I urge you to get to know your child's school to ensure your child is in a safe environment and make sure your child's student rights are not violated as well as your parental rights. Thanks for your interest.

[usmcfamily]

First of all let me say that you are NOT required to have your children attend the post schools...this is something available to you as a dependent (or family member if you prefer current pc).....
For those of you not familiar with military life, it is true to a point what they have stated about your sponsor (spouse) being the responsible party as far as they are concerned. He is the individual who has brought your family onto this post as an active duty serviceman...therefor he has taken direct responsibility for your actions for the duration of your presence there. He answers to the command, not you..... may not seem fair, but that is how it is. This does not mean, however, that you have NO say....the best way to try to get anything done would be to "play by their rules of choice" meaning involve your husband. They are not 100% in the right here but it is easier to try to find a way to work together than to fight them all the way..... They want to deal with your sponsor so let them at least for now.....
Out of curiousity...what branch, rank, post are you/your spouse????? Things do differ slightly from branch to branch and even post to post within this system.....this info would help to figure out what your next step should be.
Please be aware that they are not actually denying that you are the custodial parent...they are simply saying that for their purposes they recognize the childs sponsor *the active duty member....i.e. your spouse* as the athourity in these matters.
Another good person to contact would be ARMYWIFE...who frequents this sight as well....you can find some of her past contributions on military matters in the post "To I Am Always Liable" from "Armydad" a couple of pages back.
Please don't take this as an attack on you...I realize that some of this may have come across sounding terse but just want to help you to understand.
If I can be of any help at all please let me know.
Good luck, God Bless and OohRah

Hi Spehisco,
Are you leaving out any details that would help us help you better? Don't take offense but this whole situation seems a little odd. You wrote that the school would not release your daughter, have you already gotten permission from an off post school to accept your child? Don't know the rules there, but here if you want your child to attend a public school outside of the district in which they reside, you must have permission from the losing and gaining school. (And a school on a military post is just a public school, no different than any other). Are they thinking you just want to pull her from school and haven't arranged to enroll her somewhere else? Perhaps if funding allowed she could attend a private school or maybe even look into home schooling her for a while. I fully concur with USMC's statement about your husband's responsibility as the service member. I can't imagine why it would be a problem if they did call his command. I assume your husband is a young soldier and my advice to you would be that HE talk to his platoon sgt, 1SG, company commander (in that order) and let them help deal with the school. That's what they are there for, to help and support him. Would you explain what legal actions they are threatening to take against your husband so we all have a better idea of what is going on?

I understand what you guys are saying heck, I agree to a point. My husband is a career man with less then six years left. Yes, we tried to go off post schools. The only way we can do that is to move off post otherwise becasue of the agreement between this post and the surrounding cities they have an agreement that NO military children are allowed to attend in the "non-military" schools. Bottom line is if you live on post you children attends on post schools.Unless, you have funds to have them in private schools. We don't have that fund right now. It's taking every resource we have to recover our total lost in a fire we had back in Dec 99. I will add more later and try to answer your questions. Right now I need to close.

Update: My daughter was suppose to have her second phys. evaulation today at school request well, the hospital called and could not make the appointment until next month! Wait until the school hears about this one. Well, other things have developed. Today my daughter came home telling me that this 16 year old boy (keep in mind this is an elementary school-grades 3-6)who has been around the school lately was filling in for as a band teacher and had a slight problem in doing so. He man-handled a band student, grabbed him by the back of his neck , took a blue marker and drew a circle and pointed the student's nose into the circle and made him stand up during this whole time. Meanwhile, other students were being verbally abused by profanity another staff member walked in and heard him use harsh words and yelling at the students. She took him out of the classroom and took him to the principal's office. ONE PROBLEM!! This 16 year old is the principal's son! The teacher that tried to do something was told to go to her classroom and leave it alone-basically. I don't know what the peincipal said but I am sure she is not going to suspend her trespassing son. So the teacher was not finished...she did go back to her regular classroom and asked the students who all were involved. Quite a few were. The teacher gave the entire classroom three numbers to the school super and told them to go home and tell their parents what happened and to call the super. The students replied,"why?, the principal won't do anything. The teacher said "ok, when I get home I will call your parents and tell them what happened". These kids do not understand. My question is this...1.what was he doing at the school, 2. what was he doing at a military school when his mother is not military-only works at one. He is not eligible to attend post schools. 3. why was a 16 year old teaching as a sub 4. why wasn't the son punished?!?!
By the way the student that was man-handled and put in to a corner with the blue circle well,....he did get punished and a call was placed to his mother to come and pick him up. I don't know what happened from there. My husband and I are planning to go in person tomorrow and speak with the super. I'll keep you informed.

[usmcfamily]

From one military family to another......this is outrageous. Not only do you need to attend to this matter at the school level but also at the base level --- you need to be on the phone to the family affairs office, the base commanders office and anyone else with a phone basically until you get some answers and some resolution. This principal is way out of line and needs to be reminded of that by someone higher up than he so maybe it might sink in a little! Good luck to you and your family - we will keep your daughter in our prayers! By the way...what branch/base - we are awaiting orders and would like to avoid this soap opera!

Hi Spehisco,
I really need to reiterate that unless this is one of the very few stateside DoDDS schools, THIS IS NOT A MILITARY SCHOOL!!! My son had the privilege of attending a DoDDS school for three years and it was the finest he has attended. I pray that my husband can swing orders to take us back so my son can graduate from there. We would be willing to have my husband stay past his 20 yrs just for this purpose. If it's not DoDDS, it is a PUBLIC SCHOOL that happens to be situated on a military installation. It is funded by the state and the employees are civilian. They have to answer to parents just like any other school. If you didn't live on post and these things happened at the school in your neighborhood, what would you do? Well, whatever your answer was, that is what you need to do now. You HAVE to think in those terms. Your questions regarding her son being at that school, and his actions while there, need to be addressed to the school superintendent, the school board and anybody else you can think of. The principal has a boss and that person has a boss and if enough parents get involved and demand that some action be taken, it will be taken. Obviously the teacher that handed out the phone numbers to the children involved knows the score. If the parents call the numbers they were given and demand that the situation be taken care, chances are it will be taken care of. If they don't get involved..... well you already know the answer to that. But if something does or doesn't happen, it has nothing to do with the fact that the school is on a military base. It's just geography. Have you spoken with JAG for advice about the principal's demand to see the medical records? You might want to check into that if possible, or if not, find a lawyer that will give you a free consultation just for a little guidance as to what your rights are. As far as threats to call your husbands command, I'll say it again, your husband should be letting them know every detail of what is happening already so any phone calls would be useless to her. Besides the fact that this principal is acting like a power drunk b*tch, I must say that it is more and more common these days for schools to have a policy that children in their district or school zone, only attend school in those areas. Either money is so tight for the schools that they don't want to give up the funding they get for your child, or the gaining schools might already be filled to capacity and can't take any more kids than they absolutely have to. You know, it is already so hard for our kids growing up in the military and dealing with the moves every time they get comfortable somewhere. Your daughter really doesn't need this garbage and neither do you or your husband. if you absolutely can not afford a private school, maybe you could consider taking some time this summer break and find out what you need to do to home school your daughter. At least just until you PCS to someplace where she can have some peace. It sounds like the principal has acted unprofessionally and will continue to do so. If it was my child whose mental health was at stake, I would have her out of there so fast their heads would spin.

First all, we are stationed in Kentucky-guarding the gold if that tells you where were at. Yes, My kids have been to other military but never had a problem until now. Here is some of the letter written by the principal I promise you I am not adding or leaving out any words.... "It is my responsibility to inform you that Fort Knox Community School District does not recognize Mrs? as the only person with legal authority to makes decisions regarding both step-children. Both girls are only eligible to attend Fort Knox Schools because they are the stepdaughters of SSG? who is an active duty service member ultimately responsible for the conduct and performance of his/her children and step-children and for all decisions that affect their educational progress. Therefore, ? School and the girls previous school have expressed our concerns that both girls, but especially #1 may be suffering from depression." Last paragraph..."It is of vital importance that you provide us with a copy of the doctor's psychological evaluation as soon as possible. Please be advised tht you should you fail to complete the psychological evaluation on daughter, I will pursue this matter formally through channels available to me. Please be assured that we wish to work with you to the benefit of both girls,"

Ok, well we took her to the doctor's and she said after her evaluation my daughter is not suffering from depression but is in a "hostile school environment" recommended that she be removed now! We'll we had our 3 hour meeting with the school-this was prior to this letter from the principal. She demanded a copy and I told he not right now until the second evaluation was done. The counselor took my child out of class and was trying to ask her questions about the doctor my daughter was frighten and told her to ask her mother. That advice was given to her from the doctor not to answer any questions if she felt was frightening her" I confronted teh counselor about it at the meeting she denied it I asked if my daughter could come to her own defense and it was refused by the principal and the counselor and my daughter was told to return to her homeroom. Now mu husband's 1SG and this principal are having personal problems. He was offended as so was I when the child that particular morning of our "meeting" was giving the pledge the principal Ms? TOLD everyone to sit BACK down we don't do the pledge in here. Ok, figure that one out. Yes, she is an American and is working in a military school. I was thinking about my other daughter at another school that was giving the pledge in two more days would the staff have the same attitide? No, I know they would not. By the way, this principal has been here at this school for five years and their "Terra Nova" has gone downhill ever since in small numbers. We checked out the results on a website as anyone can for any school including overseas. We are planning to go to the super's office today. I will give an update later on. Wish us luck and thanks for all your support. God bless!

[usmcfamily]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you for a speedy/fair resolution to this whole mess. I know it can seem confusing and overwhelming when dealing with all of this - if you need to talk **************
God Bless

by the way, we did call the previous schools and they have not heard from this school and we are in the process of getting that statement in writing. Both parents were active volunteers for the school and on aorund post and my husband served on the school board at Ft Benning. In fact, not to toot our horns we both rec'd Commanding General awards. First award for my husband twice for me-two years running for voluntters of the year. We hand-carried our children's school records to this school. The former school has never expressed any concerns for these girls. They both were honor students, citizenship, members of clubs and never missed a day of school. Well, they have missed now, my oldest missed her first day this year. First time in six years. Oh well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. This is something that is important to her. It's not the end of the world I told her. There's more years to come.lol. God bless.

UPDATE: Well, I am still waiting to take my daughter to her doctor's appointment for her ssecond evaluation. Remember, the first appointment said their was nothing wrong with my child but the principal was still not happy so we had to schedule another appointment withh another doctor. Well, here is the update: I suppose I should be happy with what I am going to tell you but happy I am NOT!In fact, I think it is very sad. Appearently, I was not the only parent having problems with this lady, something I already knew. Because of her 16 year old son was allowed to "sub" at her school and managed to "manhandled" two students and verbally abuse the others. The parents of whose child was involved did press assault charges and are taking other legal actions against the principal. The school district at this poiint has done nothing. In fact, she was the only one in this disrtict that maintained her position, remained at her school. Well, yesterday I received a phone call informing me that on the last day of school after the children left ALL the teachers met at the Superindentent's office and were filing formal complaints againsst the principal and they wanted her removed from that school. Well, she is removed . In fact, she was removed from all the schools. She is now in adminstration. It was instructed to her (at this point) that she not be allowed to deal directly with children. Meanwhile, my daughter and other kids have bad grading records and a bad reputation not to mention what the principal did to my husband and the trouble she caused him at work. Yes, I still say this situation is a sad one. I do not let this reflect my children's attitude or mine. They are wonderful educators out there that will go that extra mile and I applaude them. But for me and my daughter this is still not over. We still have to go to the doctor. And I already know what he is going to say. But I am going to continue this appointment so that I will have my proof in case my daughter has problems at her new school this will, hopefully help to explain what has happened to her in the sixth grade so that it will not be carried over an dthey will give her another chance to start over.
Thanks everyone for all your help and prayers and I will continue to keep you informed as this continues. GOD BLESS!