Someone please advise!

A few weeks ago my husband went to visit my 16 yr old stepson during spring break. We live in Tx and the boy lived in Co. He asked my husband if he could come live with us because things were unbearable at home. So much so that over the last year his grades had dropped and he was cutting school constantly because he just didn't care anymore. When my husband would ask his ex wife how school was going she never told him there was a problem. The only indication we had that something was wrong was when the boy himself would tell my husband that things weren't so hot this year. My husbands ex admitted that she had planned on making their son quit school against his wishes and get a job. We feel she should have told us about the trouble so my husband could have tried to help before things got this bad. Upshot was the boy made up his mind he was coming here to live so my hubby talked to a lawyer about drawing up paperwork giving us custody. The ex freaked out and said the boy could come here but she was not giving up custody. She called my husband a liar when he told her that he needed papers to register the boy in school. She told him she wanted to talk to her lawyer and she would see what he said. They arranged for my husband to return to Co. and pick up the boy a week later. When he did, she said she didn't have time to see her lawyer but would the next day. She didn't of course but said to take the boy to Tx and she would send something. After a week of no word my husband started calling and she wouldn't answer the phone, meanwhile the school refused to admit him til we had documents. He called her at work where he knew she would have to answer the phone and she said she still hadn't talked to her lawyer but would fax him something that day at lunch. She sent a notarized permission slip basically saying that she knew her son was here and had her permission to live with his father and to please allow him in school until she could find a new lawyer. The school said ok but only til the end of this year and he needs something official before school starts in the fall. Now it is 2 weeks later and they are back in Co. so my stepson can get his braces tightened. She still doesn't have any papers or even talked to an attorney. My husband went ahead and paid her the child support for this month even though we have the boy. She wanted us to keep paying her even though we have the child because she said she really depends on that money and since we would have to pay the same amount for rent whether he was here or not, all we would have to do is buy his food. If there were school fees, we could just bill her. She doesn't seem to think the same thing applies in reverse and that she would also have to pay rent whether the boy is there or not. The concept that the money is CHILD support and not spousal support is lost on her I guess. She finally agreed that he would stop paying her but that she would not have to pay him. (funny how that works, huh?) Here is the dilemma and the questions: 1)She only wants to allow my husband guardianship, and will not even consider joint custody. If we agree to this to avoid a huge conflict, and she later decides to revoke the guardianship, is it possible to immediately file for custody and keep the boy with us until it goes before a judge or would we immediately have to return the boy? 2)Is it possible to stop the child support to her even though we don't have custody, but only guardianship? 3)Would any self respecting attorney advise her to fight us considering the age of the boy, the fact that he should be, and wants to be with his father. That under her care, she could not control him and wanted to make him quit school. We really want to make this as painless as possible but so far she has been unreasonable. Our only hope is that her attorney would be able to reason with her and tell her that she doesn't have a chance.

[usmcfamily]

Just a thought......at the age your step son is at his opinion would be taken very seriously by any judge who hears this case as to whom he wants to live with. Also, the mothers apparent willingness (the document she HAS been willing to send you can help prove this) to let the boy reside with his father would be taken into consideration should you decide to push the matter. From what you have said it would appear that you are able to offer a more stable environment for the boy - also an advantage for you! Your husband has every legal right to file a petition for modification of the original custody decree- ESPECIALLY when he can prove that the intersts of the boy could be better served in your home. Basically, what I am trying to say is you need to be finding all the resources/info you can find locally and get busy with the courts if that is the avenue you want to take.....although there is NEVER any predicting what a judge will do (especially in family matters it seems) it would certainly appear things are in YOUR favor......good luck and god bless

Thanks for the input USMC family. Does anybody else out there have any ideas on the child support issue or our ability to stop the ex wife from demanding my stepson's return on a whim if we only have guardianship?. My husband is very non confrontational when it comes to his ex because she is so irrational, and we have tried very hard to avoid problems so that the kids will not get pulled into the mix. We have swallowed hard and taken a lot of garbage over the years and were looking forward to only a couple of years left that we would have to deal with her. We would rather not make this boy go through any more turmoil than neccessary but not at the expense of causing more problems later if she got a wild hair and decided she wanted him back there. If we knew we could stop that at least long enough to go in front of a judge and get custody, it might be worth the gamble. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!