son's name

[jstme22ooo]

My question is difficult but here goes
it. Ten years ago I had a son. I was
only eighteen,wild,and foolish to an
extent. I got married but was not ready.
After the father and I seperated my son
spent alot of time at his aunts house so
he coud see his father and I have to
admit so I could be the teen I wanted to
be. (not sure if the father actually
went to see him or not) A month earlier
I was investigated by DHS and was found
not to be abusive. I started dating
again and one night when I got home my
ex was in the house. (roomates with his
sister) they were having a party and
total chaos started so I decided to
leave the house for the night to let
everyone cool down. The next day I get a
phone call saying that my son had been
taken away and that my house had been
trashed. My ex and a few others admitted
to trashing my place and calling DHS and
saying that my place was always like
that but DHS did not care because I
would not submit to a drug test they
gave custody of my son to him. It has
been nine years since I have seen my
son. Not a day goes bye that I do not
think about him and how his father is
taking care of him. The last I knew the
father told my boy that I was dead. He
hasn't even made an attempt to keep in
contact with my side of the family so my
son knows none of myside. Now to my
question- I do pay child support but
since it has been so long,should I leave
well enough alone and hope that when he
gets old enough he will come looking for
me or do I actually request to see him
in a supervised visit? (I wont go near
his farther or his family unprotected)
confused????

 

[usdeeper]

What are the current court orders for visitation ? Hindsight is a wonderful thing.. but you should have fought this 9 years ago..

What is it that YOU want ?.. do you want to build a relationship or just have someone to play with occasionally ?.. do you want to get to the point where you are able to spend a month during summer with him or just the odd weekend ?.

On a legal note.. you ex telling the child you are dead is extremely bad and if this goes up infront of a judge, he could be in trouble.

 

[jstme22ooo]

To the person with no heart that replied-just in case you did not read correctly,I was only 18 at the time and had no idea about laws or lawyers let alone the money to deal with them. I was on welfare at the time and going through medical problems. This hit me all at once and left me with very little energy to fight with. I don't want a toy or a weekend at my covieniance. I want what is best for my son. As for visitation rights,the only thing I can find in the court order is that I have access to his medical and school records,I should be providing half of his medical coverage,and my child support order. thank you so much.

 

[usdeeper]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jstme22ooo:
To the person with no heart that replied-just in case you did not read correctly<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Contrary to popular belief, I can read and I am also intelligent enough to be able to ask leading questions in the hope of getting honest answers or information that has not been given. How you deduced that I have no heart from my response is beyond me.

However, to make you feel better I will give you the evidence you need to back up your deduction.. and that is my intention not to post anymore to this thread or to help any further. I am sure others can help you better than I could anyway. Thank you.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by usdeeper:
Contrary to popular belief, I can read and I am also intelligent enough to be able to ask leading questions in the hope of getting honest answers or information that has not been given. How you deduced that I have no heart from my response is beyond me.

However, to make you feel better I will give you the evidence you need to back up your deduction.. and that is my intention not to post anymore to this thread or to help any further. I am sure others can help you better than I could anyway. Thank you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Dear UsDeeper:

I understood exactly where you were going with your initial response, and I agree with your strategy. However, the writer's shortsightedness lead to an emotional response. I knew that would happen even before you responded to her, which is why I stayed away from this writer's question in the first place.

Just a hint, if it helps: Try and be a little more discriminatory about which posts to respond to. Try and extrapolate a little, using the tenor of the writer's post and desperation, and you'll find yourself answering only those with "adult" questions and those that aren't so emotionally charged. It doesn't always work, but . . . it does save you on the stress factor, especially when you keep in mind that not every writer is deserving of an answer, merely because they write to this Board. Just an observation.

A quick update: My case goes to the jury at 9:00 am. on Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed.

Good to read you, as always,

IAAL


------------------
By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."



[This message has been edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE (edited August 01, 2000).]

 

[usdeeper]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE:

Just a hint, if it helps: Try and be a little more discriminatory about which posts to respond to. Try and extrapolate a little, using the tenor of the writer's post and desperation, and you'll find yourself answering only those with "adult" questions and those that aren't so emotionally charged. It doesn't always work, but . . . it does save you on the stress factor, especially when you keep in mind that not every writer is deserving of an answer, merely because they write to this Board. Just an observation.

A quick update: My case goes to the jury at 9:00 am. on Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed.

Good to read you, as always,
IAAL
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I know, I get a little carried away sometimes. My attitude on helping the world save itself I just wish people would realise that when you are posting and asking for help.. your 2nd post should not be to insult someone.. it also puts off other people from helping..

I have been heavily involved in legal stuff myself the last few days since we were finally served. Responses, research.. more research. Luckily my attorney came to the same conclusion as I had.. that the other attorney has made mistakes and we only have to prove one small thing to have the whole case thrown out.. which we might achieve at the hearing stage.

Good luck with your case.. and let us know..

 

[Tin Man In Oz]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jstme22ooo:
I don't want a toy or a weekend at my covieniance. I want what is best for my son. As for visitation rights,the only thing I can find in the court order is that I have access to his medical and school records,I should be providing half of his medical coverage,and my child support order. thank you so much.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Anyway.. going against my earlier statement.. If you are serious about getting back into your childs life and REMAINING in it. Then I do believe it would be a good idea for you to make contact and start spending time with the child. It may take a long time before you are able to have him for the summer or over christmas.. so, baby steps first !

Your first step is to write a letter to the father explaining the circumstances and to ask for a scheduled supervised visit to be arranged. If he truly has told the child you are dead, he is likely to refuse or ignore you. At this point you will need an attorney to file for a court to give you visitation rights. If you enter with the attitude of short, few, supervised visitation then few judges would refuse it. Your ex will have little choice but to comply.

In time.. if you keep up the contact.. you will be able to petition the court again to increase visitations, overnight stays and later, who weekends/weeks/holidays etc.