Special Needs...

specifically does our custody evaluator want/need to see to make it clear...the specialists dealing w/ my 7 yr old son (PDD-NOS) vigorously recommend that his structure, in place since day one of his diagnosis....(dad kinda has this "denial" thing going on...and has relegated me to dealing with the "bad news" end of raising our two kids.

We have been separated for a year now...and he sees the kids often at least one day a week, sometimes overnight. I have NO problem with him seeing them whenever thier school schedule isnt screwed with.

He is a business owner, and is claiming that since its a retail sort of biz...he now HAS to work weekends...but "desperately wants to have the kids overnight 2 nights a week"

Now, remember, my kids are ages 5 (she started K this year, half days) and 7 (inclusion w/ spec ed svs 1st grade)

I dont begrudge him his time w/ the kids...he is the "fun parent" and thats ok...he decided LONG ago to not participate in the IEP's and the follow ups, etc at Hopkins.

Now, im actually having thoughts that my sole custody case isnt as open and shut as myself and every one of the people witness to our marriage seem to have thought.

The evaluator is already spouting statistics about "most kids doing ok w/ the school week split"..I find that hard to believe, but especially w/ a spec needs child.

I want to be more clear in what I want..w/o sounding "bossy"...I've been MUCH to laid back and "fair" thus far, and I can see where its heading. I dont want to appear over emotional though.

I would MUCH prefer a routine of e/o weekend w/ dad...as Im not getting the relaxed time with them that I need. He certainly can see them just as often as he likes during the week...maybe dinners one or two times a week?

My whole point is...he has NEVER taken any effort to learn how to best facilitate our son. The specialists have attempted to reach him..gave up long ago...and have charted the fact.

YES..he loves his kids..and they love him...BUT...

This is a man whose head/heart is swayed in any direction when someone tells him what he wants to hear...a few casual g/f's of his have stated "oh..he doesnt SEEM autistic to ME..you should go for second opinions" causing him to question me on the accuracy of Hopkins/County school systems treatment of my son.

HELP!! How do I make this evaluator..who obviously can see that the man loves his kids..but isnt seeing the lack of concern for our sons situation?

I have no desire to "cut him off" from his kids life in any amount...but I must remain in charge of the decisions for schooling/medical...as he still denies or minimizes my sons' issues. Will they grant full custody?

Im in Maryland