step-mom hated by natural mom

HI-MY HUSBAND HAS A 4 YEAR OLD FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIGE THAT IS WITH US MOST OF THE TIME (EVEN THOUGH WE PAY CHILD SUPPORT) AND SHE HAS BECOME VERY CLOSE TO ME. HER MOTHER ON THE OTHER HAND HAS BECOME VERY VULGAR, AND VINDICTIVE. SHE HAS PUT HOLES IN OUR WALLS, AND ON A DAILY BASIS LEAVES NASTY MESSAGES ON OUR PHONE FOR, "HER HUSBAND" SHE GOT UPSET WHEN SHE HEARD BOTH OUR NAMES ON OUR ANSWERING MACHINE, AND CONSTANTLY BEGS HIM TO COME BACK TO HER. I UNDERSTAND IT MUST BE HARD FOR HER TO SEE HER DAUGHTER LIKING ANOTHER "MOM" BUT WHERE CAN WE DRAW THE LINE WITH HER! AFTER MY STEP-DAUGHTER COMES HOME SHE TELLS ME, "MOM SAY'S YOU ARE $#*@& #(^#%@ AND THAT YOU ARE UGLY. SHE ALSO SAID YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO DADDY, THAT YOU ARE NOT MY STEP-MOM, AND THAT SHE IS GOING TO MARRY DADDY AND NOT 'JOE'. (THE MAN SHE LIVES WITH)" JOE IS THE MAN SHE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH FOR THE 8 YEARS SHE WAS WITH MY HUSBAND. SHE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO RIP MY WEDDING DRESS, STEAL OUR FAMILY PICTURE, AND SO MANY OTHER THINGS. SHE ONLY LET'S HER OTHER DAUGHTER FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIGE (THAT MY HUSBAND RAISED) COME OVER IF IT IS TO GET HELP FROM ME WITH HOMEWORK, GET MONEY FOR GROCERIES, OR TO BRING A PLATE OF HER LEFTOVERS TO MY HUSBAND. MY STEP DAUGHTER GOT LICE AT DAYCARE, AND HER MOTHER WENT SO FAR AS TO TELL HER THAT SHE MUST HAVE GOTTEN THEM FROM ME BECAUSE THEY ARE "WHITE LICE" (SHE IS HISPANIC, AND I AM WHITE) WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING WE KNOW TO DO SHORT OF TAKING HER TO COURT AND THE ONLY REASON WE HAVE NOT DONE THAT YET IS BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HAS A TERRIBLE FEAR THAT SHE WILL SKIP TOWN WITH HIS DAUGHTER.....OR WORSE... DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR US?

I couldn't believe what I was reading! You are probably not going to like my advice, but it sounds to me like you don't really have a choice but to contact an attorney to see what your options are. This behavior is only harming the child. And it's unfair to you and your husband.
It sounds to me like the ex needs some counseling. If you don't do anything, she will continue with this. It will drive you and your husband insane! Please, at least go TALK to an attorney and see what your options are. Most offer free initial consultations, and if the money is an issue, check out your local legal aid. Good luck!

[MySonsMom]

I agree. As a step mom (soon to be adoptive mom) I know too well the situation and problems that occur with steps and bios. Sounds like perhaps you need to establish some rules and take some action against this apparant looney. When I say rules, I mean she is not allowed in your home, she can wait in the car. (there is no reason that she should be in your house anyway in my opinion). Keep contact between you and her minimal. I know it's hard, but if you continue like this she will drive you insane. Good luck to you!