step-parent adoption

I divorced my first husband 11 years ago and I got full custody of my 2 boys now 12 and 14. I have been married again for 10 years. My ex husband has not payed a dime in child support and has only seen the children once since the divorce. He was a violent person so I had a restraining order on him for 2 years of that time and since let it lapse. My question is would it be dificult for my husband to adopt the boys with out notifing my ex-husband? At the present time he does not now where we live and my last name. He has known how to contact us through my parents. The boys have been using my husbands last name for the past 9 years on medical and school records. Thanks for your help. I am from California

[This message has been edited by landtieup (edited July 06, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by landtieup (edited July 11, 2000).]

Does anyone have any advice here????Thanks

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by landtieup:
[b]I divorced my first husband 11 years ago and I got full custody of my 2 boys now 12 and 14. I have been married again for 10 years. My ex husband has not payed a dime in child support and has only seen the children once since the divorce. He was a violent person so I had a restraining order on him for 2 years of that time and since let it lapse. My question is would it be dificult for my husband to adopt the boys with out notifing my ex-husband? At the present time he does not now where we live and my last name. He has known how to contact us through my parents. The boys have been using my husbands last name for the past 9 years on medical and school records. Thanks for your help. I am from California

[This message has been edited by landtieup (edited July 06, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by landtieup (edited July 11, 2000).][/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My response:

Sorry about the delay. Well, it is possible IF your exhusband voluntarily wishes to terminate his parental rights. If he's made contact "through [your] parents" with the child, then there's no abandonment. Child support, or the lack of payments thereof, have nothing to do with this issue. If he should agree to terminate, be advised that through the court papers he will then know everything about you and where you live.

Does doing this really matter to you? It seems that you've been going along so well, so far. And, unless the exhusband is making problems, what's the difference? Adoption is a piece of paper. Being loving and good parents is a state of "being." And besides, think of the expense involved, and the emotional upheaval - - he'll say yes, then he'll say no, then he'll change his mind again, and back and forth, causing you and your son stress. I vote for leaving well-enough alone.

IAAL



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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."

IAAL in some states if the father has had no contact in 2yrs. the mother can post a notice in the paper in the town of the fathers last known address stating that if he does not come forward in x number of days the boys will be adopted by such and such. After that time has lapsed the step father is free to adopt. Is this possible to do in the state of CA?

Paula

PS sorry I've been asking so many questions the last couple of days....just curious. Thinking about law school ya know......kidding.

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by paula2:
[b]IAAL in some states if the father has had no contact in 2yrs. the mother can post a notice in the paper in the town of the fathers last known address stating that if he does not come forward in x number of days the boys will be adopted by such and such. After that time has lapsed the step father is free to adopt. Is this possible to do in the state of CA?

Paula

PS sorry I've been asking so many questions the last couple of days....just curious. Thinking about law school ya know......kidding.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


My response:

You better be looking at, and thinking about, law school. I'm serious. You have a great mind for this stuff. While we can't always be correct (God knows, I'm not), it's the logical "thinking" that counts. And, sometimes, I've noticed that your arguments are quite logical - even if, only sometimes, they may be wrong. I'm still proud of you because of your interest in the subject matter, and that you think like an attorney. You're doing one hell of a job here.

However, and getting to your question, absent a court order to the contrary, a parent loses the right to custody of the child to the other parent if the parent having the right to custody is dead or unable or refuses to take custody, or has abandoned the family. A natural parent whose parental rights are terminated by court order is no longer a lawful custodian and no longer has a right to physical custody of the child.

The California Family Code does not define "frequent and continuing contact" or specify a preference for any particular form of "contact." Nor does the Code delineate any specific means of effecting the "frequent and continuing contact" policy, other than to "encourage" parents to share child rearing rights and responsibilities (Ca Fam § 3020(b)). [Marriage of Burgess (1996) 13 Cal.4th 25, 34-35, 51 Cal.Rptr.2d 444, 451]

"Contact" determinations are left up to the sole discretion of the judge. Sufficient contact could be as little as one phone call per year, as long as the judge feels that such few contacts each year does not abridge the "best interests of the child."

IAAL



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By reading the “Response” to your question or comment, you agree that: The opinions expressed herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE" are designed to provide educational information only and are not intended to, nor do they, offer legal advice. Opinions expressed to you in this site are not intended to, nor does it, create an attorney-client relationship, nor does it constitute legal advice to any person reviewing such information. No electronic communication with "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE," on its own, will generate an attorney-client relationship, nor will it be considered an attorney-client privileged communication. You further agree that you will obtain your own attorney's advice and counsel for your questions responded to herein by "I AM ALWAYS LIABLE."

Thanks for helping. My ex has only seen the boys once since the divorce 11 years ago and that was a time that I took them to see their grandparents and he happened to show up (Mothers day) he has never contacted them through my parents but he does know he to get a hold of them through my parents. The reason why we have been thinking about this is because my boys want my husband to adopt them. (Their friend is going through this now) so it brought the question up. My husband now already treats them as his own. How old do they have to be to change their name on their own? In a way I don't want to do a formal adoption because if something does ever happen to my ex they would be intitled to something from him,or his estate.Thanks again for your help.