STEP-PARENT ADOPTION-MY RIGHTS?

My husband has sole-physical custody of his daughter. She visits her mother 2 nights a month. I have been with my husband and his daughter since she was 14 months old-she is 5 now. I spoke with her mother about getting step-parent adoption. She said that she would not sign over her motherly rights. She does not spend any time with her daughter-her daughter hardly knows her. Her daughter sees me and my husband as mommy and daddy. What are my rights as a step-parent who has been with this little girl longer than her biological mother? Is there a way to go through with the adoption? The court order that we have is old-but it states that there is no child support to be given. So basicly the mother rides free-has never paid a penny. PLEASE HELP!

As the legal parent, you need the consent of the ex-spouse to the adoption. Since the birth mother is refusing, normally the adoption is not allowed. The adoption might be allowed by the court if the birth mother's rights are found to be terminated. This might happen if she's considered a bad parent or she is not in the picture. Given that she spends 2 nights a month with the child, the court will take this all into consideration, including the fact that she pays no child support.


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I am a law school graduate. What I offer is mere information, not to be construed as forming an attorney client relationship.
I will try to give you general guidance and point you in the right direction, but only a lawyer licensed to practice law in YOUR state who is serving as YOUR lawyer can provide you "legal advice" to rely on.

#1. You cannot force a parent to give up their rights to their child unless you are with the state protective services.

#2. If the father feels she should be paying support, he needs to petition the court for modification of the original orders.

Look LB, Paragraphs... [img]http://smilecwm.tripod.com/net4/crazy.gif[/img]

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SSNY:
[b]My husband has sole-physical custody of his daughter. She visits her mother 2 nights a month. I have been with my husband and his daughter since she was 14 months old-she is 5 now. I spoke with her mother about getting step-parent adoption. She said that she would not sign over her motherly rights. She does not spend any time with her daughter-her daughter hardly knows her. Her daughter sees me and my husband as mommy and daddy. What are my rights as a step-parent who has been with this little girl longer than her biological mother? Is there a way to go through with the adoption? The court order that we have is old-but it states that there is no child support to be given. So basicly the mother rides free-has never paid a penny. PLEASE HELP![/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Unless a court terminates her parental right, you have no way to force an adoption.. and the chances of that happening are nil in your case with the details provided.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SSNY:
[b]My husband has sole-physical custody of his daughter. She visits her mother 2 nights a month. I have been with my husband and his daughter since she was 14 months old-she is 5 now. I spoke with her mother about getting step-parent adoption. She said that she would not sign over her motherly rights. She does not spend any time with her daughter-her daughter hardly knows her. Her daughter sees me and my husband as mommy and daddy. What are my rights as a step-parent who has been with this little girl longer than her biological mother? Is there a way to go through with the adoption? The court order that we have is old-but it states that there is no child support to be given. So basicly the mother rides free-has never paid a penny. PLEASE HELP![/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Okay, let me try to say this as nicely as i can without getting "aggressive"(just for you LB). I am a mother who was divorced and my ex got domiciliary parent(which would probably be the same as custodial parent)NOT because i am a bad mother but for other reasons that i won't get into now. My problem with your topic is that my ex didn't ask for any child support either b/c he knew i couldn't afford it with not having a job. I DO however send my daughter money when i can and i DO buy her needed things. I was offended by your last comment " so basically the mother rides free" eventhough it was not directed to me.You say your husband's ex only gets her daughter 2 nights a month but she still sees her. You're telling me that the mother has never one day bought her daughter new shoes, or new clothes for school? She doesn't feed her when she is at her house? My daughter doesn't live with me but i buy her needed things as often as i can. I also live in another state and i don't get to see my daughter as often as i would like but it isn't b/c i don't want her with me. I get home maybe every 2 to 3 months for a weekend b/c that is all my current husband can get off from work. I am a damn good mother and i think you getting mad b/c your husband's ex won't just give you her daughter really ticks me off. Just b/c she only sees her daughter for a few nights a month, doesn't mean she is a bad mother. I'm sorry for jumping at you but i too have been talked down to b/c i moved and let my daughter live with her father where she wanted to be. Forgive me for snapping at you when i don't know why the father has sole custody of his daughter or any other details about the circumstances but i don't agree with you trying to take this child away from her mother UNLESS the mother is abusive towards the child.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by navywife_tx:
[b] Okay, let me try to say this as nicely as i can without getting "aggressive"(just for you LB). I am a mother who was divorced and my ex got domiciliary parent(which would probably be the same as custodial parent)NOT because i am a bad mother but for other reasons that i won't get into now. My problem with your topic is that my ex didn't ask for any child support either b/c he knew i couldn't afford it with not having a job. I DO however send my daughter money when i can and i DO buy her needed things. I was offended by your last comment " so basically the mother rides free" eventhough it was not directed to me.You say your husband's ex only gets her daughter 2 nights a month but she still sees her. You're telling me that the mother has never one day bought her daughter new shoes, or new clothes for school? She doesn't feed her when she is at her house? My daughter doesn't live with me but i buy her needed things as often as i can. I also live in another state and i don't get to see my daughter as often as i would like but it isn't b/c i don't want her with me. I get home maybe every 2 to 3 months for a weekend b/c that is all my current husband can get off from work. I am a damn good mother and i think you getting mad b/c your husband's ex won't just give you her daughter really ticks me off. Just b/c she only sees her daughter for a few nights a month, doesn't mean she is a bad mother. I'm sorry for jumping at you but i too have been talked down to b/c i moved and let my daughter live with her father where she wanted to be. Forgive me for snapping at you when i don't know why the father has sole custody of his daughter or any other details about the circumstances but i don't agree with you trying to take this child away from her mother UNLESS the mother is abusive towards the child.[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


So glad you said it Navy. I was restrained in my reply do to it hitting a *nerve* and have vowed not to get emotionally involved in these posts anymore.

Hey there Lady, I haven't talked to you in a while. Where have you been? Talk to me when you see me online woman!! I didn't want to get "emotionally" involved but I just couldn't resist. I didn't mean to step on any toes though.

I apoligize if I hurt anyone by this post. Let me give you a few more details so you can better understand the subject. This same "mother" also abandoned her child when she was a few months old. She also left the infant home alone at night while she was off with her "boyfriend". She also had the baby in a adjoining room while having sexual pleasres with about 3 men at the same time-with the baby in an infant carrier. SHE also left the baby outside of a bar-asleep in her carseat-while she was inside drinking. NEED I GO ON? A many a days, I have picked up this child from a night at her mothers and the baby had on the same clothes that she was brought over there in-unwashed-along with the same saturated diaper. Thats right-an unchanged diaper after 24 hours (I marked the diaper). And I understand that you have helped your daughter by giving her money and clothes and such but we have yet to see ANYTHING that was brought for this child from her mother. Unfortunately the court did not have enough evidence to rule her as an 'unfit' mother at that time. We do have more evidence NOW if it were to go back to court. I guess having a different man in the bed with you and your daughter when she comes to spend the night is OK. I have taken this child home with welps of hand marks on her back. I have seen her scream an ear piercing scream for me not to leave her with her mother.
I hope this clears it up some. I do not think that you are the same type of mother as the one I am describing. You seem to love and care for your child and to look out for the best interest of your child-unlike the one I am describing.

[MySonsMom]

Navy:

Everyone's situation is different, and she was referring to HER situation with the bio Mom. Clearly, she IS taking a free ride when it comes to parenthood, and clearly she is and has been unfit due to just some of the things she has said in her post(s). Everyone has different OPINIONS about what they FEEL is a parent's obligation to their child(ren). In your case, you and your X obviosly feel that what you do when you can is appropriate for your situation. Others may feel that supporting the child(ren) spiratically when you can is not appropriate due to the fact that it is BOTH parent's responsibility to support the children EQUALLY. Your situation is appropriate for your family, and that's fine. Others may have a difference of opinions. So when she made the comment regarding HER situation, it was not directed at you OR not even directed at non custodial parents. She simply stated that HER husbands X is getting a free ride and doesn't hold up her end of a parent's obligation. I just wanted to add this, because in no way did she state that Mothers who don't have custody of their child(ren) take a free ride, yet you were offended as if she did.

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

[This message has been edited by MySonsMom (edited October 22, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MySonsMom:
[b]Navy:

Everyone's situation is different, and she was referring to HER situation with the bio Mom. Clearly, she IS taking a free ride when it comes to parenthood, and clearly she is and has been unfit due to just some of the things she has said in her post(s). Everyone has different OPINIONS about what they FEEL is a parent's obligation to their child(ren). In your case, you and your X obviosly feel that what you do when you can is appropriate for your situation. Others may feel that supporting the child(ren) spiratically when you can is not appropriate due to the fact that it is BOTH parent's responsibility to support the children EQUALLY. Your situation is appropriate for your family, and that's fine. Others may have a difference of opinions. So when she made the comment regarding HER situation, it was not directed at you OR not even directed at non custodial parents. She simply stated that HER husbands X is getting a free ride and doesn't hold up her end of a parent's obligation. I just wanted to add this, because in no way did she state that Mothers who don't have custody of their child(ren) take a free ride, yet you were offended as if she did.
[/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I know who she was talking about and I know that it wasn't directed at me nor my situation. I didn't need YOU to point that out to me. She explained the further details and I now see why she wants to become the child's legal mother. BUT it wasn't the one sentence that ticked me off but the whole post in general. She did not state the facts as to why she so badly wanted the child away from the mother so therefore it sounded like she just didn't want the mother to have anymore legal rights to the child simply b/c she only sees her 2 nights a week and doesn't pay child support. My situation is similar b/c of the status of where i live and where my daughter lives but it still hit the nerve. I do apologize to SSNY for jumping at her and as you will see in her response to me, she did not hold it against me. It's nice to have people like you POINT things out to others but I in this case, did not need you to.I apologize for sounding as if I have an attitude b/c i do not. Although, as you should've noticed, you were one post too late b/c she had already explained things in more detail. Again, i apologize for seeming as if i have an attitude.