stepparent adoption problems

[tracym]

My problem is very confusing. I have been with my husband for 4 years. During this whole time he has helped me raise my 4 yr, old daughter since she was 2 months old. My daughters "sperm donor" has had no contact with her during this time. Now 2 wks. ago I recieved a letter from a lawyer stating that her real father wants "standard visitation" but he is willing to sign off his parental rights if that is what I want. I feel the only reason he has sent this letter is because he knows that my daughter believes that my husband is her father and I don't want him to interupt our family life. I feel as if I am being forced into this only because I don't wnat this "stranger" taking my daughter away. I know for a fact the only reason this has come up is because he doesn't want to pay child support. He has gotten out of child support from 3 other children and I don't think this is fair. What should I do?

 

[LegalBeagle]

Why don't you want your new husband to adopt ?

Is there a cs order in place ?

 

[tracym]

it isnt that i dont want my husband to adopt it is just that I don't like how this is being done. Something about it just doesnt seem right. Yes there is a child support order for 36 dollars a week, it has never been changed, raised or otherwise.

 

[usmcfamily]

Tracy~~
Even if the only reason he is doing this is to get out of paying his support it would be well worth it to be able to have your daughter legally belong to the man she thinks of as her daddy -- don't you think? Speaking from someone who has been in your shoes I would give my right arm for my husband to be able to be my daughter's (also 4 by the way) "official" daddy. As to questioning his methods - admittedly they seem a little susipicious, but the two choices he seems to be offering is 1)have him totally disrupt the lives of your daughter and the rest of your family and totally confuse her relationship with your husband (it is bound to have an effect on that if the visitation is approved and he uses it) or 2) allow him to get off the hook on the support and have him be permanently out of the picture - as seems to be the wish of all involve, him included. Looking at it that way makes the answer seem pretty obvious......you are probably right, from the way the letter sounds, that he is using seeking visitation as a threat to press you into taking the adoption route and letting him out of support but can't see that the $36 is worth having him disrupt your daughter's life.
My only advice would be to respond that your husband would be glad to adopt your daughter and get it done -- sooner the better.
Good luck and God Bless

 

[LegalBeagle]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tracym:
it isnt that i dont want my husband to adopt it is just that I don't like how this is being done. Something about it just doesnt seem right. Yes there is a child support order for 36 dollars a week, it has never been changed, raised or otherwise.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Tracym: swallow your pride or whatever else is stopping you, take this offer and RUN.

Tell his attorney you accept under these conditions, that he pays all legal fees, it is completed without delay and that he pays all CS arrears to the date of completion.

It is unlikely he will get standard visitation and yes you can get more CS, but the time, pain and crap that he can bring into your family is not worth it. The pain of having to hand over your child for visitation, the money spent on legal fees, the effect that the stress has on your family..

Many people on this board would do almost anything to have the chance to cut out the bio dad...




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Psst... I do not work for Macdonald’s or Burger King, and even if I did, I would not tell you. For sloppy bread, tired tomatoes, frozen onions, watered down mayonnaise and imitation meat, please find a drive through window with a person who openly admits they make that stuff.

My advice above is equal to the advice they would give if you asked that person a legal question.

 

[LegalBeagle]

I might add, even if he does not agree to paying for CS arrears or the legal fees, I would still snatch his arm off in accepting.. but only after he has turned down your conditions..