Support-Paying Father has no rights.

[BillyJack]

I am a non-custodial father who pays his child support weekly, but I feel as though I have no parental rights. The child that I fathered was the result of a one night stand. I never tried denying that I was the father or requested DNA testing. Though, some members of my family and friends think that I should have. The mother called me when she was 8 months pregnant and told me that she wanted me to sign adoption papers so that she could give him up. I disagreed and told her that I would raise him. Of course, when she realized that I wanted him she changed her mind. We tried living together soon after the baby was born. After a couple of months, she left me and went back to her ex-husband whom she has another child with. When visitation was set up, she often would not let me see him. I felt as though she was using him as a pawn. But then she had her ex-husband put in jail and of course he has never been a part of their child's life. So, then as a result of a pity trip, I started taking her child and mine for visitation. Then, everything was fine as long as I was her "glorified baby-sitter" for her other child. She basically would only let me see my child if I took her's also. To avoid a "fight" and trying to be a nice guy I did this on her terms. But then, about 2 years ago she was caught embezzling and was sentenced to some jail time. The only reason that I found this out was that a friend of mine who still lives in my old hometown just happened to read about this in the local newspaper. When I tried calling to ask about all of this, no one would ever answer the phone. I finally got a hold of her mother who lives on the same farm and she was infuriated that I had "found out" and said that she and my child's mother's new fiance' would be caring for the children. She only got 3 months of jailtime and was on work release. But ever since this incident, there have been many problems. I suppose I ruined all of her plans by finding this all out. Ever since then, she did not let me see the child and will not answer the phone when I tried calling. I have lived in another state ever since the child was born, other than the short period of time in which she lived with me. But now I have been transfered to another state which is further. And I know that when the subject of visitation arrises, she is going to do everything in her power to not let me see him. Although, it was fine before when I was taking both children. Also, before I found out about the embezzlment. I have tried to be a nice guy the last few years and do things her way but it has gotten me nowhere. She has since remarried and soon after she was out of jail, she told me that she didn't want me to be a part of the child's life and that her new husband was going to adopt the children. In thinking that she doesn't want me to be a part of his life anyway and her brainwashing him about me, I thought that maybe that would be best for him. But now she has changed her mind. The child does not have my last name and my name is not on the birth certificate. I feel that being a man automatically makes me that bad guy to the "system". It is fine for me to pay child support, but when it comes to parental rights, I have none. I have since remarried also, and my child's mother tells the child awful things about me and my wife. Who, for the past few years did nothing but except not only my child, but her's also. I can't think of many women who would do that. I feel as though I am in a no-win situation.

Any time that I even mention the idea of my son having my last name, she is instantly very upset and tells me,"your name isn't even on the birth certificate and he'll never have your last name." Lately, I have just been paying my child support and sitting back. Although, I feel that this is really unfair.
Any information on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

 

[terdad]

Get a D.N.A. test done! If it is your child, He will have your last name and you wil have more power w/ the courts....

If he is not your child, it will all be over!

If the later is true, you could still visit w/ the boy....anytime she would let you ...you don't have to be his father to be his friend!

 

[BillyJack]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BillyJack:
I am a non-custodial father who pays his child support weekly, but I feel as though I have no parental rights. The child that I fathered was the result of a one night stand. I never tried denying that I was the father or requested DNA testing. Though, some members of my family and friends think that I should have. The mother called me when she was 8 months pregnant and told me that she wanted me to sign adoption papers so that she could give him up. I disagreed and told her that I would raise him. Of course, when she realized that I wanted him she changed her mind. We tried living together soon after the baby was born. After a couple of months, she left me and went back to her ex-husband whom she has another child with. When visitation was set up, she often would not let me see him. I felt as though she was using him as a pawn. But then she had her ex-husband put in jail and of course he has never been a part of their child's life. So, then as a result of a pity trip, I started taking her child and mine for visitation. Then, everything was fine as long as I was her "glorified baby-sitter" for her other child. She basically would only let me see my child if I took her's also. To avoid a "fight" and trying to be a nice guy I did this on her terms. But then, about 2 years ago she was caught embezzling and was sentenced to some jail time. The only reason that I found this out was that a friend of mine who still lives in my old hometown just happened to read about this in the local newspaper. When I tried calling to ask about all of this, no one would ever answer the phone. I finally got a hold of her mother who lives on the same farm and she was infuriated that I had "found out" and said that she and my child's mother's new fiance' would be caring for the children. She only got 3 months of jailtime and was on work release. But ever since this incident, there have been many problems. I suppose I ruined all of her plans by finding this all out. Ever since then, she did not let me see the child and will not answer the phone when I tried calling. I have lived in another state ever since the child was born, other than the short period of time in which she lived with me. But now I have been transfered to another state which is further. And I know that when the subject of visitation arrises, she is going to do everything in her power to not let me see him. Although, it was fine before when I was taking both children. Also, before I found out about the embezzlment. I have tried to be a nice guy the last few years and do things her way but it has gotten me nowhere. She has since remarried and soon after she was out of jail, she told me that she didn't want me to be a part of the child's life and that her new husband was going to adopt the children. In thinking that she doesn't want me to be a part of his life anyway and her brainwashing him about me, I thought that maybe that would be best for him. But now she has changed her mind. The child does not have my last name and my name is not on the birth certificate. I feel that being a man automatically makes me that bad guy to the "system". It is fine for me to pay child support, but when it comes to parental rights, I have none. I have since remarried also, and my child's mother tells the child awful things about me and my wife. Who, for the past few years did nothing but except not only my child, but her's also. I can't think of many women who would do that. I feel as though I am in a no-win situation.

Any time that I even mention the idea of my son having my last name, she is instantly very upset and tells me,"your name isn't even on the birth certificate and he'll never have your last name." Lately, I have just been paying my child support and sitting back. Although, I feel that this is really unfair.
Any information on this topic would be greatly appreciated.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I talked to an attorney in the state that my child and his mother live in and he told me that it was her "right" to decide the child's last name and that I have no say in the matter.


[This message has been edited by BillyJack (edited March 22, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by BillyJack (edited March 22, 2000).]

 

[cjskids]

At this point, you are under no legal obligation to pay child support. There is nothing stating that you are the father. In my opinion, you should definately get a DNA test done at this point, just to protect your rights. With a DNA test as proof then she can't deny you the right to see your child.

 

[DEDE]

Insist on a DNA test and take it from there..you have to start at the beginnig as a means to an end. As for what she has been or hasn't been saying to the child, he can see for himself. I myself was one of these children...my mother always bad mouthed my father (it only made me angry at her) but my father was the one that made the biggest mistake (he took the easy way out and backed out of our lives for 20 some odd years. That only made me angry at him! Don't let her ruin what god has given you, your son.