Survey: Mothers Without Custody

[Ter68]

There is a survey being conducted on mothers without custody. The researcher is trying to find out why the trend is changing so much and what the reasons might be. If anyone is interested the address is [email protected] Just leave your email address.. Thanks!!

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[usdeeper]

Don't need a survey for this

In the past, custody was 95% awarded to the mother regardless of virtually any other factor. These days, MANY factors are now taken into account and the judge is allowed to look at all these factors and make decisions. The sex of the parent is no longer that important unless the child is under 2/3 years old.

Also, many moons ago, it was unthinkable for a women to give up custody of her child, but that is no longer the case. Some women willingly give up custody. The amount of children born outside of marriage, or in fact ANY relationship is also a factor.

Another factor is that people no longer have children with just one partner. It is not uncommon for a women to have children by 3 or more different men.. or men to have several children by different women.

There is nothing surprising about the trend of fathers winning custody.. and it is a good thing that the best interest of the child is being taken into account. Women have been fighting for equality for a long time.. it is nice to see that men are getting some equality back in other areas.

 

[songbird]

Don't know if this helps any, but my dad was married/divorced and he got custody of my (half)brother and sister over 30 years ago. Their mother told the judge that she had a brain tumor (which was a lie). The judge said he didn't even want to hear anymore and then gave custody to my father. Interesting, huh??

 

[MySonsMom]

That is interesting....You know (no offense to non custodial mothers) but I cannot even imagine life with out my son..I would never in a million yrs leave without him..I would do whatever it takes to keep him..I just can't imagine..But I do know there are cases when kids aren't best with the mothers.

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~MySonsMom~

 

[Edward]

I could not imagine life without my kids. You see sometimes the NCP moving away. How can they do that ? If the CP moved to another state, I would move to. Life without the kids nearby would be too difficult.

 

[MeanMeee]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by meee:
Has it ever occured to you that women giving up custody is the most Intelligent thing to do!

I have known quite a few women in my life who would make terrible mothers, so they choose not to have kids or gave full custody to the father.

If we really belive the interests of the CHILD comes first then having a mother give up custody when she knows she is not the best parent.

Is a very HIGH honor!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

and how do you know the person you give up custody to is, or will be, any better ? Once you give up custody, it is extremely hard to get it back..

 

[MySonsMom]

&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;But I do know there are cases when kids aren't best with the mothers.&gt;&gt;&gt;&gt;

Mee: That is why I had this in my post as well.

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~MySonsMom~

 

[Parent1]

FOR THE RECORD: I am a proud father that has sole custody of my 8 year old daughter. It was a long, often bitter battle that went all the way to the Court of Appeals. Not that I wanted to fight, just wanted what was best for our daughter. Then the ex appealed after she lost custody in the trial court.

On the other hand, In regards to usdeepers post, I agree with many of the points that are made in the post. However, this is the big problem today. I don't understand what equality has to do with a mother's giving up custody. If they know that they are not going to be a good mother or don't care for children, Don't have them. It's the children that suffer in the end. A two parent home is always better.

Children being born outtside of marriage. Very true, but not necessary the best thing for the child again and what does this have to do with equality?

Women having children by three or more different men. What happen to the family unit? Again, what does this have to do with equality for women?

If this is what equality for women is all about, it's no wonder we have the problems in families that we do today. I also realize that there are plenty men that contribute to this situation as well.

I think that if we choose to have a family, then we should be responsible enough to love and raise them and never foresake them! Remember the children deserve all of your love!

 

[usdeeper]

I was refering to equality for men.. the fact that men are now fighting to be seriously considered as the custody parent. In the past, it was a foregone conclusion, the child went to the women. Women have been fighting for equality for a long time against unjust laws against them.. it is a good thing that men have finally been able to fight, and win for equality in custody cases. My statement was made as a single point and was not intended to encompass all the points above it.

There is obviously a difference between a women given up custody and losing it. Even if a person knew the other would be a better parent, resentment, hate, history all play a factor in that parents mind to fight and win at all costs. Yes it is sad.. stick around here long enough and you will see so many examples of parents fighting that are so clearly not in the best interests of the child.

 

[wenda]

I had my son when I was 15. I had been kicked out of one high school and dropped out of another. I partied all the time. When I had my son, I could NOT properly take care of him. His father, (who is much older than I) has been raising him. I didn't keep my son because I was in a terrible situation. Since then, I've cleaned myself up-went back to school-graduated with honors-attended college with a full scholarship and am about to graduate. I'm now 23, and had I had my son now, I KNOW that I could financially, emotionally and mentally take care of him. I do not, to this day, regret my decision 7 years ago. I don't think that people realize that it is much more difficult for a mother to give up her child, thus when one does, she usually does it in the best interest of her child.

 

[Lealah]

You know I know that there are some women who would terrible mothers, but I don't get it , I had two sons, and my oldest died on an auto accident at 10 yr old in Jan 93, and now my youngest is 15, and as hard as it gets, AND IT DOES, if I had lost them both I would have never madeit. That was and is hardest thing I live with everyday still today, seeing children who remind me of him, and thinking what he would be like to day. I'm sorry but I get carried away, I don't understand why mothers who love their children lose them, and you have ones who care less, who have it all but just don't know it

 

[bluemom]

I lost my kids because I trusted my ex. We were fighting custody over one of our two wonderful daughters. Both were his but he did not want to have anything to do with the youngest.
He could not prove I was an unfit mother. He was losing. So what does he do.... During the second visitation with our youngest he files child abuse allegations against me. The youngest had life threatening bruises on her. The doctor estimated the brusies to be four to five days old. The fifth day was when she was still in my custody. My oldest was home with me at that time also. Well, social service stepped in removed her from my custody and gave custody to the father. My oldest and I said the exact samething. I do not hit them for punishment. SS said, she was old enough to lie for me. Oldest was only 10 and youngest just turned 5. SS told me to just admit I had a problem, go to parenting class and I would regain custody. Told them HELL NO. I never abused my kids. Had preschool teacher and friends there to be witness that she never had bruises. Well to make a long story short. I did not get to see her for five years. Father refused to let me see her. Had to go through monitor visit with oldest. After $40,000 in legal fees finally got oldest to come home for over night visit about eight months after the abuse incident.

I had to wait for five very long years to see my youngest. Gone through HELL and back. They don't follow court orders and they don't take care the kids.

Now I find out who had abused her. It was her father's girlfriend at the time. I told the SS that she was abusive but no-one would listen to me. Now the girlfriend is his wife. She is still abusing her but not physically. My youngest is so terrified of her. Youngest does not want to go home and I don't know how to go about to get her live with me.

You see not all mom lose their children because they are unfit or because they don't want them. They are a few us who lost due to a very blind legal system who believes in lies and who could fabricate the best stories. The legal system awards those who cheat and have children out of wedlock. Those who abadoned their children for a neighbor. Social service is so BLIND that they would place a child in a dangerous environment and tell the mom that she is insane. California is just one very messed up state!

 

[usdeeper]

That is so sad Bluemom.. I actually see more cases get screwed up when SS are involved. They are SO SCARED of making a mistake in favour of the abuser that they give to the non abuser in a heart beat..

 

[Ter68]

Thanks to all of your replies. This is why the survey is being done... to find out all the reasons that you have mentioned above. I feel sorry for you , Bluemom. I , too, lost my kids for trusting my ex. Giving custody to my ex. was the worst mistake I ever made. Unfortunately, its not one that is easily corrected either.

 

[Ter68]

Thanks to all of your replies. This is why the survey is being done... to find out all the reasons that you have mentioned above. I feel sorry for you , Bluemom. I , too, lost my kids for trusting my ex. Giving custody to my ex. was the worst mistake I ever made. Unfortunately, its not one that is easily corrected either.