terminating parental rights

I am involved with a woman who has a history of drug abuse, and addiction, is a convicted felon, has been in, and out of jail ,and most available rehab options in our area. Between us we have 3 children, girls, 5, and 2 yrs.,and a boy, nine months. The 5 yr. old is not mine biologicaly, nor is the nine mo. boy. The 2 yr. old is mine. I am the only father any of them have ever known, and I have, for the most part raised them all myself, as the mother spends as much time away on drug binges, or in jail, including the past 5 months she spent in jail, (only to go back to the drugs after only the second night home.) as she spends with them. not to mention the neglect they suffer while I work so I can feed, and clothe them. Is it possible for Me to have her declared an unfit parent, and gain full, and total custody of My (!) kids? to terminate her parental rights? I cant let these babies suffer any longer, and cant very well support them if I keep losinng jobs because of her drug problem. please, how do I proceed, and what are My options, and or chances. These kids are my life, and I love them all just as if they were all mine biologically.

sorry, forgot to mention, state is WI. also, mother of kids has claimed the biological fathers of the other kids are unknown, if that matters.

I am not a lawyer, and do not have an answer for you. I do want to say that you sound like a good man, and praise you for taking care of those babies. I pray you find a good wife and mother to those kids. Keep up the good work!

I also am not a lawyer, but I do know various divorce and custody laws. Sue for divorce(if you are married) and sole custody of the children. There is no doubt in my mind that you will at least get primary care. Unless your wife signs away her parental rights, you really can't take them away from her. What you can do is obtain full custody of your child and set the times for which she can see the children. Unfortunately gaining custody of someone else's kids will be a lot more complicated.
I know this is difficult for you, and you appear to be a man among men...Good Luck to you and your family - May God Bless!

to clarify, Im not married to this woman, but have lived with her, most of the past 8 yrs, excluding all the times shes been incarcerated, or in treatment. I was present for all 3 kids births, and as stated always been the one stable adult influence since. What if I were to prove she neglects the kids when Im away, like with hidden video? also, I would be able to produce many witnesses to her continual abandonment of the kids for days at a time. during which I alone care for them. her own family members chief among them as well as a former teacher of the 5 yr. olds. obviously I have parental rights in the case of my daughter(the 2yr. old), but cant imagine splitting her from her older sister, or new brother. wouldnt it be a good arguement to keep the kids with the only father they have ever known, and quite frankly the one parent theyve bonded with regardless of biological factors? consider the youngest. within days of coming home from the hospital his mother was gone for 3 days, then of course she would sleep for another couple days. then gone 2, sleep 2, repeating over, and over for his first 4 months, then she was incarcerated for almost 5 months, and then quickly back to the old cycle. this poor child has bonded with me over all this time, as did his sisters in theyre own first years.

women like this are bound to be "enticed" by bigger and better offers - if I were you I would do what i could to get custody of at least the child you know is yours, now, the other two, don't let her fool you - she will raise a fuss saying they're not yours just to cause ruckus in the courts, but back to my original enticing thought - If she knows she's going to lose one child, she'll probably agree to let you take all three so they're together. The trick is to try to do this behind courts doors, or the two children you cannot prove as yours will end up at foster care ! Been there, done that. (and believe me - i was the "good guy" like you and had the short end of the stick)

May I ask how you know the other 2 are not yours? If you've lived with her for the past 8 years, couldn't they be yours?

If she says the father's are unknown, it may be possible to have yourself named as their father. (I'm not an att. so don't quote me, but doesn't that sound plausible?)

i must congradulate you for being a loving and responsible father it is my opinion and i am not a lawyer that since you have raised these kids that you might be able to adopt them first dont tell her you intend to get sole custody of them just explain to her that as you have raised them you would like to adopt them or at least get some legal custody i do not know your state laws but legally can you even give consent for medical treatment approach it in this manner first get documentation of custody or adoption then go for sole custody you may have a better chance that way

My brother had an alcoholic wife... and 5 kids... the first one was not his but my brother was there since about the time the oldest was 2 months old... he sent her to rehab..many times... hired help and took her away himself..sent her to her parents in TX for a while to give her a break... she walked out the day after Thanksgiving 4 years ago.. took no kids.. just a suitcase.. she knew she could not win cuostody of the 4 younger ones ... he refused to sign divorce papers and threaten to charge her with neglect and adbandonment... she signed adoption papers for the older one to him... she is remarried and as another baby... has only seen the ones here 2 times in 4 years ... calls on occasion when she is drunk and feeling sorry for herself.. my brother is remarried... to a wonderful lady who had one of her own... now there are 6 ... they ahve a great life.. and the kids are much better offf.... stand up to your girlfriend... take all the kids... let her fight you for them!!!

in response to "lorib"...to use an old cliche, "the proof is in the puddin'" the two children not mine are of different racial backgrounds than I. also, she freely admits they arent mine. Now, this fact has absolutely no impact on my love for these kids, and I couldnt love either of them more than I do now, and in my mind, they are "my"
kids, just as much as the one that is biologicaly mine. thanks everyone though for your kind words, and with luck, things will work out, and these wonderful babies will have the stability that all kids deserve.

This is going to sound REALLY tacky...but..(having spent some time in HER envionment myself)She knows she is an unfit mother and dont care.There is nothing more important to her than "the good times".maybe having her children taken away from her will wake her up. I doubt it.I have watched a good friend of mine lose eight children to dss and not care, for the same reasons as your wife.
she only misses the income from afdc.This a sad but true story....
Adopt those kids! If she once was a good person she may welcome the idea, knowing the kids will be cared for and it will release her from the responsibility.She will also know where to find them if she ever cleans up.If shes agrees to the adoption it may be easier than alternitive methods.Iam not a lawyer...I am a father..missing my kids..its not fun.