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Unborn child

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Chandra

Guest
I understand that this is only advice, and if I do end up needing a lawyer I will contact them. I am just
thinking about my future and would like some advice about my situation, please. I have a fiance of 4 months that uses crack/cocaine. I am 4 months pregnant. Before I got engaged to him he was in a treatment center and I was aware of that, but he told me it was for alcohol. Anyway, after he left TX to join me in Virginia to get married, we got an apartment. It was in my name because he has bad credit. When he showed signs of drug use, (not coming home until late at night, saying he was going to his AA meetings but not going, he took
$200 from our dresser one time, he would come home and get a little bit of cash and run back out, and he constantly denies the drug use) I asked him to leave. He is living with his sister, I believe, but who knows.
He became angry about this and has threatened me saying that he can take the baby because I can't afford good lawyers like he can. He is a dentist, and conceals this insanity all during the day. By night, he causes me mental and emotional stress. He has also left me with bills, which he could well cover in 1 week or 2, if he wanted to. They are an unpaid for engagement ring and a cell phone which both are in my name. I had to turn his cell phone off. He calls me each day to say he'll bring by the money and never show up. He has a pattern of this. I told him not to call me anymore and he said I would never get the $ he owes me if he can't talk to me. My question is this: just because he makes lots of money, can he ask for custody of the baby. I know it sounds unlikely with him having a history of drug use, but he has already made me look like the bad one to his family. They will support him, i'm sure. I don't want to marry him and I haven't told him because I just want to have a healthy baby right now. I am sure when he sees I don't want to be with him he will seek revenge. My father is an abuse counselor and was helping him when he was in TX. He has called my father twice, admitting that he has relasped and wanted help, but haschanged his mind the very next day, and starts using again. All he does now is harrass me by breaking promises about bringing cash. Since he moved he has given me $150. The bills amount to $3000. Anyway, I guess I am asking is there a way I could get support without being involved with him. He is very sick and I am afraid to do this, but if I have to I must. Please help, if you can.
 


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usdeeper

Guest
For the amount he owes, you can take him to small claims court (do you have any proof btw). If needs be, get a restaining order against him.

Can he get custody, no. When the child is born (I am not sure if you can do this before birth) file for custody, child support and if he wants visitation, then short supervised visitation.


[This message has been edited by usdeeper (edited July 24, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by usdeeper (edited July 24, 2000).]
 
A

Always searching

Guest
x

[This message has been edited by Always searching (edited October 14, 2000).]
 
C

Chandra

Guest
Firstly, I am trying to secure the safety and stability of my child. Meaning, I don't want this behavior, this irresponsible non-sense around me or the baby, but I do want support for the baby. I am not going to be naive and dismiss the HIV factor in this, but I will just say that I am not aware of him using intaveneous drugs, and I am disease-free and I have been involved with him. There is still a moral issue. His family heavily covers for him, and I think it is because he can easily be sued for mal-practice, and they think they are a prestine family who this doens't happen to. Before I knew about the drugs I called them several times to ask for help, and they suggested we get marriage counseling. I later found out from his SISTER, that he has been having these problems long before I knew him. And his whole family knew it. I'm not saying they were supposed to tell me, but i'm pretty sure they know I was obliviuous to all of this. My entire agenda is to get beyond worrying about what will happen, legally.
 
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usdeeper

Guest
Chandra,

I am not sure what you want to hear..

To clarify, collect as much evidence as you can. Document everything. See an attorney and get ready to file for sole custody.

Unless you have some proof he is a dangerous child abuser then you will not be able to deny him visitation. Accept that now. All you can do in this respect is have the proof ready so that visitation is short and supervised. For the first x months it is unlikely he will be able to take the child away anyway.

File for child support.

If you feel in danger, get a restraining order out against him.

Another consideration is the state you are in. Once the child is born that state assumes jurisdiction. If you have nothing in VA, then leave and return home to TX.


 
A

Always searching

Guest
You say that you want to stay out of the legality of the problem. It won't happen. All I am saying is that if you report him because of his drug use, you will probably be able to get supervised visitation. I am sorry to say that it sounds like you are only after his money. The plea is shallow and if you really wanted what was best for your baby, you would remove yourself from the situation and do the right things.
 

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