Use of Child Support Money

Could someone please answer this question?

In the state of Illinois, do I have to identify how child support money is spent? I really don't want to record how the money is spent. It appears that the ex is going to request this however. Is it different in each county or up to the judge to decide? Please help.

Thanks

[MySonsMom]

Wow..I didn't realize that there were these kind of laws or whatever out there regarding child support. Geesh, in some cases (a lot) all someone would need is one receipt..a mortgage payment..this is where child support goes..it helps pay for a roof over his/her head and a bedroom. Not to mention, a grocery receipt for growing children. I'm curious to here more on this subject.

Yes some judges will make you account for how the money is being spent. It's easy to show, utility bills, car payment, house payment, insurance on these items, groceries, child care, medical expenses, clothing for the child. Any school expeses you pay during the school year, books,pencils,paper,glue,lunch, field trips, sports activities(any extra-curreculiar activities). All these things are
essential to the child. If you didn't provide these things where would the child live, how would you get him to the doctor, how would you get to the store to buy food for him to eat, what would he wear......etc.

This should be sufficient as long as you ex can't prove that someone else is paying for all this stuff, which would be hard to do. I'm sure your child support does not total up to the amount spent for all these things, Whose does? Always keep all you reciept for the future. Then there's never any question. There shouldn't be anyway, this is all common sense. He should know that, and probably does. Are you remarried. If so maybe he's just jealous and is trying to make things difficult for you. Don't worry you'll be fine.

Good luck and God Bless.

note to paula:

please do not assume that this woman's ex-husband is just jealous. while that may be the case, it also may not. my friends ex-wife routinely uses his child support payments to enjoy long weekends with her new lover. it's no mystery where the money comes from since she refuses to work. meanwhile he is left to buy things for the children when they are in his care. there are just as many selfisn wives and mothers as there are fathers.

Not that it really matters, but I agree with "runner". There is NO way that my husbands CS check goes towards the welfare of his CHILD. Everytime anyone sees her she's dressed like she just crawled out of the Good Will Box. If we had it to do over again, we would have his ex account for where she spends the money. All my husband is is a "walking wallet" and we can't wait for the gravy train to stop rolling in.

I AM NOT SAYING THAT A PARENT SHOULD NOT SUPPORT THEIR CHILD! I am saying that the money should go for the CHILD and not to buy a new car, for home improvements, or for liquor and cigarettes, pot, etc. It should not go towards offsetting the expense of your new spouses child support obligation.

My husband is anything but jealous of his ex-wife. He just doesn't like seeing his hard earned money wasted.

I agree with the two above. Many custodial parents will spend the money on themselves and not the children which is too sad. On my child support papers it says that " I have the exclusive right and power to recieve and give receipt for periodic payments for the support of my child and to hold or disburse these funds for the benefit of my child". That is what it says on my papers but I do not recieve anything anyways so my child will continue to have nothing because I do not get the support for him. I do think it would be hard to prove where u spend the money on especially if you have a job because that is income also that goes to your child.

You know, CO....your post has hit me strangely. If you're the custodial parent receiving child support from your ex and your ex is wanting to know if that money is being used to benefit the children....I can't imagine WHY you wouldn't be willing to show that proof!?!?!

My husband wonders the same about the money he pays to his ex for their children also, and pretty much knows the answer to the question.

I did read something here on the site under Family Law, Child Support, that says as long as support is paid, nobody is required to show proof of how it's spent. To me, that's a bunch of crap, but then again, so are some of the laws.

Bottom line here is....If you were actually using that money you recieve towards the welfare and care of your kids, why wouldn't you be proud to show proof to him or to the court? What do you have to hide?

Hmmm....

NICE TO KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS TYPE OF PROBLEM. WE HAVE AN EX THAT USES THE CHILD SUPPORT MONEY ONLY FOR HERSELF. IT IS SO SAD THAT COURTS DON'T ALL MAKE THEM ACCOUNT FOR THE MONEY. I WAS TOLD THEY CAN USE THE MORTGAGE PAYMENT BUT CAN ONLY CLAIM HALF OF IT FOR THEIR PART. IN OUR CASE WE ARE ALWAYS STUCK PAYING ALL THE EXTRA'S SINCE SHE WON'T. SHE HAS REFUSED FOR ONE YEAR TO BUY GLASSES FOR OUR DAUGHTER SO I HAD TO DO IT TO ENSURE SHE GOT THEM. SAD HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE TO SELFISH TO CARE AND DO WHAT IS RIGHT WITH THE MONEY. I AM SURE SOME DO BUT MANY TIMES THAN NOT THAT IS NOT THE CASE. I ALSO HAD AN EX OWE ME BACK CHILD SUPPORT FOR THREE YEARS AND IN THAT TIME HE WAS ABLE TO BUY A NEW HARLEY MOTORCYCLE BUT NOT PAY HIS BACK SUPPORT. WHERE ARE THE LAWS AT. SOMETIMES IT IS BEYOND PITIFUL. I TRIED AND TRIED TO COLLECT IT IN A LUMP SUM BUT THE COURT ONLY ORDERED HIM TO PAY A MEASLEY 10.00 A WEEK TOWARD ARREARAGES. WHAT DOES $10. DO WHEN THEY OWE YOU THOUSANDS. IF THEY CAN AFFORD A STUPID MOTORCYCLE THEN THEY CAN AFFORD TO GET A LOAN AND PAY THE SUPPORT. THIS SHOULD BE A NEW LAW, IF YOU CAN GET A LOAN FOR A MOTORCYCLE YOU CAN DO IT FOR SUPPORT TOO. THAT IS THE WAY I FEEL. ANY RESPONSES WELCOME. THANKS AND GOOD LUCK TO ALL.

My husband too has an ex and pays child support of $400 a month. She works and makes about 30,000 a year. She does not buy his clothes, her mother and we do, never takes him out to eat, we do every other weekend to his favorite resturant. Never takes him to a movie, we do , to the pool, we do, pays for extra curticular activities, we split this expense with her mom. She is remarried and her husband makes about 35,ooo a year. They have 2 new autos, we do not, they just bought a new bass boat, we have none. But she is owed that money, she has physical custody, and this will continue for the next 8 yrs. So if she wants to use it to pay for the new boat, cars, vacations which she does not include the child, clothes for herself and nice dinners for her and her husband, there is nothing we can say. She is providing a roof over his head and food on the table, he goes to school and takes him to the doctor when hes sick, my husband also provides medical and dental insurance, that is all the courts are concerned about. We would look stupid to the judge to bring the matter of how child support is being spent. She and her mother would deny that fact of who buys what, and the judge isn't going to ask the child. She and her husband together make almost twice as much as my husband. I can't work due to medical conditions. So where is the justice....there is none. She asked what her legal rights were as far as proof as to where the child support money is spent.....I simply gave her an answer without judging her because she didn't want to show where it went.

I too collect child support. My husband provides medical and dental for my ex's and my daughter. My husband also pays what the insurance doesn't cover. My ex doesn't pay for piano lessons, cheerleading, school lunch, gifts for birthday parties, tutition for school or uniforms (my parents do help in this area...my daughter has always attended private school and they knew I could not continue to do this after the divorce so they offered to help), so if I were asked to show where the support went I would be furious. So you see, I do see both sides.....I live it.

My attorney told me that if the child support checks are deposited into my checking account and used for bills and things like that, there is nothing the ex can do to prevent that.

I agree a little bit with everyone. But, to the original questioned from CO - Just look at you child support papers and see if there is a clause in there stating that you are responsible to show how the support is spent. If there is then you might just have to though it really is up to the judge and what kind of day he/she is having. I know in the state of washington in every child support order it states "The obligee may, if ordered by the court, be required to submit an accounting of how the support is being spent to benefit the child/ren. Good Luck.

Might I say that I am on the PAYIN end of the stick, but you owe no explaination whatsoever of where that money goes. Unless your child is doing without.

My X however, sometimes I wish I could slap her with a big one!! I know that between bills (electricity, food, etc) the child support I pay is distributed, but is it in fairness to my child? (support is actually paid on 2 children, 1 of which I adopted, but have not had any relations with since the divorce...LONG STORY)

Did that make any sense? hehe...pardon me Im tired....first time to the board tonight and I've been reading all night!!

Anyway, on to my point. Although there is no importance. My X lives in a paid-for "dump" (something given to them from her parents), they live out in the country and they pay $50 a month lot rent. So she has told my new wife who seems to have made "buddies" with her on one of my X's "good days". Must be paxill or Zoloff.

Anyway, so that would leave them with food, lights, phone, car insurance, ya know, the basics. They're (X and new hubby) "clunkers" are paid for so thats not an issue. They both work (low paying jobs, but at least they are trying and both work) and they still cannot live any better than they do? X was never the best with money and surely was not the cleanest homemaker, but she lets the children live nastely. (is that a word?)lol. Trying not to slander my X, it is difficult to see why this happens.

Because of other situations, nasty water (undrinkable) because of rusted well pump, etc in their home and other factors(words from my daughter), I called DSS to file a complaint about two years ago or so ago. NOTHING was ever done!

Being the man, I know this makes me look like Im not doing my part, but I am. I pay my required support (apparently not enough, she just put in for an increase) and I make an honest living and do well for my new family, and attempt to include my daughter in my new family.

Why is it my daughter says she only has one pair of shorts, 2 pairs of pants, etc? This makes me furious!! For several years my present wife would take her shopping, buy new clothes (especially around school time) and then we would never again see the clothing. (not like my daughter comes often anyway, even though court orders are every other weekend). Im tired of having to buy and buy and buy and send child support and my daughter still have no clothing and having to live in a pig sty, in unsafe conditions and most disturbing is lack of seeing my child because she feels her mother will be hurt if she chooses to come (which honestly I think is alot of the cause of her not coming).

At first we tried enforcing the visitation as set in the papers. We soon learned pushing for her to come did nothing but make it where she definitely did not want to come. X told the children everything that went on with the divorce and even embellished everything to her good. (ok, so daddy wasn't the best....difficulties within the marriage, failed to attempt to let it be known I was unhappy, and I found a new love and left...we all make mistakes) Please, before you cross remarks on morality. I have paid my dues on those sins. I have tried to better my life. My theory is, if you aren't happy in your marriage work it out or get out. Your kids cant be happy if they know their parents you aren't happy. Although my handling of the situation was not proper format, I dont wish to be condemned for life.

Naturally the child resents me for wrongdoings. Any disputes that arised I was wrong, I did this, I did that. All pushed from mother, of course. X was hurt of course, because of the dishonesty, and lack of trying to work on the marriage. I am not a "prize" father for doing what I did and I have tried discussing this with my daughter. (now 13) But how long does one have to suffer for ones mistakes?

My daughter would not come for a long time after any disputes between her mother and I, regardless of what they were. Even if it was over whether my present wife could cut my daughters hair. (when my daughter wanted it cut). Not to mention, X just told the kids everything....things children just shouldnt know.

Up until a couple of months ago, I have taken this. I was by no means finiancially fit to hire an attorney and stop my daughters mother from doing the things she has done. But now Im ready but Im not sure how I should go about this without further resentment from my daughter. If thats even possible. Any solutions? Let it go and possibly lose what little respect my does have for me forever? Or fight and still possibly lose my daughter forever for fighting her mother in court? How does one weigh that?

To let you know just how twisted this woman is...and to let you know with her, its all about money and how much she's going to get....

Shortly after our divorce, the other child (the boy I adopted when he was 2 yrs old) I spoke of above was going through his rebellion stage. X always (to my notions) let him get away with murder anyway. But him and some friends burnt down a barn. This woman, after all of his life, not letting me "handle" him (discipline him in anyway shape or form), nor was I allowed to try to instill any of my values upon him, and let him tell me as he grew up "You aint my daddy, I dont have to listen to you".... told me she wants me to pay for half of the cost to rebuild that barn he burnt down. (THE NERVE!!) Naturally I told her in a different way, to (an expression I read on here) "BITE ROCKS".

I adopted this child because I wanted to be united as a family. I was 21 years old at the time, I thought I was really doing a good thing, I wanted to be his father, not the daddy that just abandoned him, but a real daddy, like my dad was to me and because I loved his mom.

Looking back, I realize how stupid I was, because I should have realized (through actions from my X back then) that I could never be his father no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be allowed to. And although I sound bitter about my experience, never once have I said, I dont feel I am responsible for paying support for that child! I took that responsibility, I must live with it. Stupid? yeah maybe, but lesson learned!

Just where was I going with all of this? I started with talking about CS where does the pay go? to...why my life is hell with x-wife....to...adoption....is it really a wise choice for the man?

I dont know where I truly was going with this, I apologize for the long read, but I have vented and feel tons better. Got an opinion? Feel free....

Tell me of the rotten husband I was for up and leaving my family, to try to make a better life for myself and actually be happy. Guilty yes, sorry no. I am more happy now than I have ever been. I searched and I found. How can one live in misery for that?

I have just one small suggestion to the last posting party. We had my husband's three children for months at at time on and off. I made the mistake of providing all new clothes and underware and socks because they came to our house with nothing and I felt sorry for them. After school started and they wanted to spend a week at "mom's" because this week she wouldn't be drunk, I packed their suitcases with enough clothes for a week. They came back with nothing. No clothes, no suitcase. All three of the boys came back in shorts (cut off jeans) no underware, and old shoes I never saw. Furious**************..I can't tell you how mad I was. I told the boys that unless they called their mother and had her bring back the clothes for them to go to school in, I was going to send them in their shorts. We were in the same school district. Well you know the end of this story....They went to school in the shorts and the school called her because she was the custodial parent. She was embarrased and called and gave me a tongue lashing. Well the boys went home to their mother soon after that. I never bought them another stitch of clothing again. What they came in for the weekend, they wore. My mistake was thinking that everyone would do the right thing. My husband wouldn't stand up to his ex and really it wasn't my job. If you buy clothes for your children, leave them at your house. At least they will look decent when they are with you.

First I have to say, I don't think bad of you. It takes a big person to admit they were wrong and then try to do the right thing and go on with their life. The same would be in blaming everyone or everything except yourself. But you didn't destroy that marriage alone**************it takes 2 to make a marriage and 2 to destroy one. We all have our own faults and guilts to live with. You are not alone. I admire your courage to admission of what you call guilt and improper format. We all deserve to be happy. Vent anytime.....at one time or another, all of us here do.

Good Luck and God Bless.

For Not Happy. I tried same approach, keeping the clothes, etc, but seeing how they only had what I gave them, I realized soon, that I could be better than that, and sent them to mom with the clothes. My kids were old enough to let me know the clothes were still at mom's and she didn't embarrass the kids at school, or church, with the rags she chose to let them wear, due to her need to cry poor.
Maybe giving all you can, and GIVING is the answer. Let mother be the greedy one, the kids will grow mentally more stable for it.
Just a small thought.....