Visitation

My exhusband remarried and has two children. We also have two children together. He is now getting divorced. (ouch! Child support to four kids!) Question 1: He wants all four kids to vist together. They are all girls. Can I withhold visitation of my two if he doesn't secure an apartment with at least 3 bedrooms?
Question 2: I think he is currently staying with his father. Can I withhold visitation until he gets a place of his own?
Question 3: His wife that he is divorcing still lives in their home. (He is the one moving out, I guess.) My ex-husband said he may just have my children stay with her, if he doesn't have enough room. Can I withhold visitation in that case? I don't think that would be a comfortable situation for the children.
Question 4: If it turns out that my children are staying with a sitter for most of the visitation time (he is a workaholic and his wife used to be with them most of the time) can I withhold visitation on the grounds that they are not actually with HIM? Thank you!

[MySonsMom]

Piglet: Why are you so adamant about withholding visitation from this man..Why are you so determined to sabotage the relationship?

Some answers to your questions...He does not need to have a 3 bedroom home for the children to stay in when he sees them. They only visit him, so he is not obligated to make the perfect accomodations for them. As long as they are safe, fed, and have a roof over their head; they are fine. He can live with his Mother if that is what he chooses, just as long as the children are safe etc..The rest of the questions I'm not sure about. I am however interested in hearing your responses to my above questions..

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

MySonsMom:
There is very little relationship there. He lives in another state, so he doesn't see the children regularly. He doesn't call very frequently either. I am not trying to sabotage anything. I am just trying to establish some kind of structure and consistancy for the children when they visit.
Children feel secure with structure. Is there anything wrong with that? If they feel that they have a second home that is established and consistant, don't you think they will WANT to visit? This is my concern. If they don't feel comfortable, they will not want to visit him.
Thanks.

I completely agree with you that visitation should be monitored. If a parent has the true love for a child they will want what is best for that child. To have your girls and work rather than visit --that is an unspoken statement---protect your children-

Do your children have any relationship with his other children ?

[MySonsMom]

Yes, I agree with your regarding consistancy and routine. If the children are not comfortable visiting the Father, then yes something needs to be done. But you cannot withhold court ordered visitation because of your reasons above, but you can try and work something else out that will eliminate the problems.

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

[This message has been edited by MySonsMom (edited November 01, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Piglet:
[b]My exhusband remarried and has two children. We also have two children together. He is now getting divorced. (ouch! Child support to four kids!) Question 1: He wants all four kids to vist together. They are all girls. Can I withhold visitation of my two if he doesn't secure an apartment with at least 3 bedrooms?
Question 2: I think he is currently staying with his father. Can I withhold visitation until he gets a place of his own?
Question 3: His wife that he is divorcing still lives in their home. (He is the one moving out, I guess.) My ex-husband said he may just have my children stay with her, if he doesn't have enough room. Can I withhold visitation in that case? I don't think that would be a comfortable situation for the children.
Question 4: If it turns out that my children are staying with a sitter for most of the visitation time (he is a workaholic and his wife used to be with them most of the time) can I withhold visitation on the grounds that they are not actually with HIM? Thank you![/b]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

NO YOU CAN'T WITHOLD VISITATION. DON'T KICK THE GUY WHEN HE'S DOWN AND KEEP HIS CHILDREN FROM HIM. IF YOU DO, HE COULD GO TO COURT AND ASK THAT HE HAVE CUSTODY, IF YOU CONTINUOUSLY WITHOLD VISITATION HE WILL GET CUSTODY, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT????
IF HE GOES TO COURT AND STATES THAT HE WANTS ALL HIS CHILDREN TO VISIT AT THE SAME TIME, THAT IS HIS PEROGATIVE AND WILL MOST LIKELY GET WHAT HE WISHES.

THE CHILDREN HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE INVOLVED WITH EACHOTHER AT ANY TIME HE SEE'S FIT, THEY ALL ARE HIS CHILDREN.

IF YOU CAN, PUT ALL YOUR DIFFERENCES ASIDE WITH HIM AND WORK WITH HIM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, YOUR CHILDREN WILL BENEFIT FROM IT IN THE END.

WHO HE CHOOSES TO WATCH THE CHILDREN IS HIS BUSINESS WHEN THE CHILDREN TRANSFER FROM YOUR CARE TO HIS. IT IS THEM IN THE END THAT WILL MAKE UP THEIR OWN MIND ABOUT THEIR FATHER AND FOR YOU NOT TO INTERFERE. IF HE IS A WORKAHOLIC, THE COURT WON'T LOOK BAD UPON THAT, THEY WILL SEE THAT HE IS A HARD WORKING MAN TRYING TO SUPPORT HIMSELF AND 4 CHILDREN.

FOR THE SAKE OR YOUR AND HIS OTHER CHILDREN, DON'T INTERFERE WITH HIS "MESS" LET HIM DEAL WITH IT, AND DON'T KEEP THE CHILDREN FROM SEEING THEIR FATHER, OR THEY MAY RESENT YOU FOR IT!!