who pays for things on weekends?

my child alternates between her dad and myself everyother weekend. She was invited to a birthday party on her dad's weekend (she lives with mom). he refused to buy the present. I think he should pay for anything that happens on his weekend. he refused to take her to the party unless i buy the present, stating that's what child support is for. i don't agree. he doesn't pay for things on my weekend, i shouldn't have to buy presents for his weekend. who is right?

That's what child support is for!

On the other hand, this is soooooooo petty. Any decent parent (whether it be you or him) would have just purchased the gift so that the child would not have to suffer by not being allowed to attend the party. Grow up! I get support from my ex, and when my daughter has a party to attend on his time, I buy the gift or give him the money to buy a gift, but I am POSITIVE that if I did not send the gift or money, he would make sure she had a gift to bring.

I agree with DUH. It IS what child support is paid for and it IS a petty thing to argue about. What does a gift for child's birthday party cost? Ten dollars, tops. It sounds more like an issue of control. Maybe you could ASK (not demand) your ex to split the cost if you are that strapped for money. However, if he still refuses, you should just graciously buy the gift. It is in the best interest of your child.

I agree with DUH and TGA - by the way when you guys decided to get a divorce was it in your best interest or the child's - who are you really more concern about the child that you both produce and is blessed by God to raise and mold in goodness and love or yourselves? Here you are argueing who to spend what money for a little present for your own flesh and blood child produced out of your own lust or "love" at the heat of a passion! Come on! who do you really love yourself too much or your child!?!

I agree with everyone else, that is what he pays child support for. But I wouldn't make the child suffer by not attending the party when a small 5$ gift might have solved the problem.

Both you and the father have the responsibility to your child to take care of thier financial and emotional needs. Who is right? Does it matter?

I would like to throw this out for comments, I realize that children are invited to parties by thier friends, who have no idea that it's moms weekend or dad's weekend. But...I have a daughter who spends weekends with her father and I also have a shared custody arrangement with my stepsons, it always causes problems when one parent plans activities on the other parent's days. This may be part of the reason that dad is so uncooperative. Maybe in the future you can trade dad for the time on his days that your child has activities that interfere with his visits. Visitation time to a non-custodial parent is very precious and a lot of times the parent may feel cheated further by having thier family time cut short.

It has been my experience that custodial parents a lot of the time like being in control and planning sporting events, scout trips, etc on dad's day is just another power play.

I am not at all insinuating that yours is the case, I'm just suggesting to take into consideration the other's parents plans and feelings.

Since we are going on personal advice here I feel that regardless if child support is paid by the other parent, if something falls when the non custodial parent has visitatin I beleive that they should be responsible for any costs endured at that time. This also can be swayed by the amount of child support that is paid...if the non-custodial parent pays A LOT of money to the custodial parent, then there should be no reason that this should even be questioned...but (if like most cases) child support is minimal then the parent that the child is with should incur costs. People often forget that the main reason for child support is to support the child with living expenses..that includes supplying a house big enough for the child to live in...the non custodial parent can "get by" with things, while the custodial parent has to supply proper things to live...and just because the child leaves for the weekend doesn't mean that the "living conditions" go down in cost..Am I rambling? Anyway...in my opinion the parent that is caring for the child at the particular time of the party should have paid for the gift. Now, scheduling events on the other parents time is a totally different situation and (in my opinion) should be dealt with nothing but respect for the other parent. If this party fell on a time that the non custodial has the child, then the custodial parent should have consulted him, asked him if he wanted to allow this and let them know that there would be costs involoved...(the present) Someone said that this was petty, yes it is..this situation could be dealt with only once...make it a "rule" that the parent that has the child pays for costs, or make it a rule that they "split" costs like this...and if at all able to...make it a rule that the other parent doesn't schedule events on the others time without prior notification...that is only fair. Good luck!!

Yes he pays support for that, always take care of these things yourself. Men do not care about parties or weddings or anything social. You had better always buy the gift, make sure it is wrapped and sign the card because there are few men out there that could get it together enough to do it! If you want something done right, do it yourself and don't complain in front of your child. She'll notice lazy people when she's old enough!

If your ex was any kind of man he wouldn't bring up the issue he would just buy the gift for your child to take. When my son goes to his dad's for the weekend i need not worry about stuff like that because during that time he is his responsibility wether he pays child support or not. You guys need to grow up and think about who is suffering. Not you guys the child is the one is going to suffer.If your ex is so petty and can't fork out the money then just buy the gift so your child can go to the party. Don't take it out on her. It isn't her fault your ex is like that. I think you both need to grow up and act like parents. I am 23 years old and when it comes to things like that i don't think of myself i think of my son which is what you should do.

My ex expects me to not only pay for a gift if a party is on my weekends, she will not allow him to play any sports unless I pay the registration fee. I have never refused to sign him up, but I consider this to be something that the child support should cover. By the way, I have never been late on a payment, and consider the support I pay for my children my parental obligation and a priority.