Ex wants joint custody of a child he has only willingly seen twice?

[mayuriinabox]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
The wonderful state of GA

I have a beautiful 18 month old son that I have raised completely alone since birth (and if you consider pregnancy raising.. then that too). I left my ex because he is very controlling and verbally abusive and had a bad case of stalking. The baby mattered so much (and I am not saying this because I am bitter or anything- I really don't care what he does... but I DO care that everything else is more important than his son. ) that a week after I left, he had a new girl.. and then a month after my son was born, she became his wife. While I was pregnant, his wife had said several things (hateful things) to me- along with him threatening to take the baby away. They waited a month after all the threats and decided to start asking for ultrasounds and saying they were so happy to be able to raise my son with me. I have learned not to trust just about anything he says... so I told them (in not so nice words) to go away. I didn't talk to them for a long time since. My pregnancy being healthy and successful was more important than the drama they wanted. Although... mutual friends heard a lot from him. Saying a bunch of hateful things- like I got an abortion, I cheated and the child obviously wasn't his, etc.
That being said... I had a healthy baby boy. I asked a mutual friend to tell him the baby was born.. they did. He didn't ask to see him or anything. Seven months later I finally asked if he wanted to meet him. They said ok. We met twice. After the second visit, I received a message asking me what I wanted him to be to my son. I told him that I can't TELL him what to be. There was no contact after. I did send some pictures, but no response.
My son has a half brother who is a year and two days younger. They didn't want me or my son to know anything about the child, so he wasn't involved. They have never met.
I filed for child support after my sons first birthday. Which the father forgot- but the stepmother didn't.
He filed for legitimation with a lawyer and wants joint custody. He wants my son EVERY thursday to sunday. He also sent his list of finances. He makes a very decent living, lives for free in a basement, and yet says he uses all of his money in bills. Ok. Sure.
What do you think my chances are? I can't afford a lawyer and GA legal aid helps abuse cases.. I am having a hard time finding a lawyer to help me. I've done several consultations.
No child support order has been given and they want mediation. I'm not sure what to expect... or what the possible outcomes are.



EDIT:
We go to mediation on Tuesday- we were supposed to get a mediator from a different county and meet halfway.. instead they decided on a mediator from their county and at the mediators office in their county as well.

I need to know if this sounds reasonable..

The parenting plan I submitted is for second and fourth friday-6pm to sunday 6pm and every wed. from 5:30-7:30.

I made several parenting plans.. the one that I can deal with (but gives the most time) is the same 2/4 friday to sunday... and then in the summer on his weeks, add thursday.. then two additional weeks for vacation... and every 1/3/5 wed so he will see him every week so there is contact.

There would be three days during winter break, two in spring break. And holidays would alternate, if there is a school holiday, whomever has him that weekend will keep the child that day until 6PM.

Would a plan like this appeal to a judge?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
The wonderful state of GA

I have a beautiful 18 month old son that I have raised completely alone since birth (and if you consider pregnancy raising.. then that too). I left my ex because he is very controlling and verbally abusive and had a bad case of stalking. The baby mattered so much (and I am not saying this because I am bitter or anything- I really don't care what he does... but I DO care that everything else is more important than his son. ) that a week after I left, he had a new girl.. and then a month after my son was born, she became his wife. While I was pregnant, his wife had said several things (hateful things) to me- along with him threatening to take the baby away. They waited a month after all the threats and decided to start asking for ultrasounds and saying they were so happy to be able to raise my son with me. I have learned not to trust just about anything he says... so I told them (in not so nice words) to go away. I didn't talk to them for a long time since. My pregnancy being healthy and successful was more important than the drama they wanted. Although... mutual friends heard a lot from him. Saying a bunch of hateful things- like I got an abortion, I cheated and the child obviously wasn't his, etc.
That being said... I had a healthy baby boy. I asked a mutual friend to tell him the baby was born.. they did. He didn't ask to see him or anything. Seven months later I finally asked if he wanted to meet him. They said ok. We met twice. After the second visit, I received a message asking me what I wanted him to be to my son. I told him that I can't TELL him what to be. There was no contact after. I did send some pictures, but no response.
My son has a half brother who is a year and two days younger. They didn't want me or my son to know anything about the child, so he wasn't involved. They have never met.
I filed for child support after my sons first birthday. Which the father forgot- but the stepmother didn't.
He filed for legitimation with a lawyer and wants joint custody. He wants my son EVERY thursday to sunday. He also sent his list of finances. He makes a very decent living, lives for free in a basement, and yet says he uses all of his money in bills. Ok. Sure.
What do you think my chances are? I can't afford a lawyer and GA legal aid helps abuse cases.. I am having a hard time finding a lawyer to help me. I've done several consultations.
No child support order has been given and they want mediation. I'm not sure what to expect... or what the possible outcomes are.
I might come off as bitter, like I said.. but in person, I have a really good poker face I can smile through anything.

Realistically, unless you were to roll over and play dead in mediation dad won't get what he wants. First, no judge is going to give him EVERY weekend, and second, he is a total stranger to the child.

However you also need to understand that dad WILL get visitation, and likely more visitation than what you are comfortable with unless you go into mediation and then court, with a reasonable parenting plan. You want something that goes in phases, so that the child gets to know dad and gets comfortable with dad before going alone with dad and eventually having overnights.

Google the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines for ideas, google the Texas Standard Visitation Guidelines for ideas, see if your state has guidelines for phased in parenting time, and google other states to see what they have. Pull the ideas together and come up with phases for parenting time. One thing that I would recommend is that you insist that dad must complete each phase before going on to the next. If dad is sincere about wanting a relationship with his child he will complete the phases...if he is not, he won't.

 

[mayuriinabox]

Realistically, unless you were to roll over and play dead in mediation dad won't get what he wants. First, no judge is going to give him EVERY weekend, and second, he is a total stranger to the child.

However you also need to understand that dad WILL get visitation, and likely more visitation than what you are comfortable with unless you go into mediation and then court, with a reasonable parenting plan. You want something that goes in phases, so that the child gets to know dad and gets comfortable with dad before going alone with dad and eventually having overnights.

Google the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines for ideas, google the Texas Standard Visitation Guidelines for ideas, see if your state has guidelines for phased in parenting time, and google other states to see what they have. Pull the ideas together and come up with phases for parenting time. One thing that I would recommend is that you insist that dad must complete each phase before going on to the next. If dad is sincere about wanting a relationship with his child he will complete the phases...if he is not, he won't.

I responded to his parenting plan with my own.. I stated that after a "warm up" period of daytime visitation every other weekend, I would be fine with every other friday night to sunday night. (2nd and 4th weekends).. which seems to be pretty standard around here.
It isn't something that I have to like and be comfortable with- because if it goes to court.. it won't be my decision. I realize that.

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
The wonderful state of GA

I have a beautiful 18 month old son that I have raised completely alone since birth (and if you consider pregnancy raising.. then that too). I left my ex because he is very controlling and verbally abusive and had a bad case of stalking. The baby mattered so much (and I am not saying this because I am bitter or anything- I really don't care what he does... but I DO care that everything else is more important than his son. ) that a week after I left, he had a new girl.. and then a month after my son was born, she became his wife. While I was pregnant, his wife had said several things (hateful things) to me- along with him threatening to take the baby away. They waited a month after all the threats and decided to start asking for ultrasounds and saying they were so happy to be able to raise my son with me. I have learned not to trust just about anything he says... so I told them (in not so nice words) to go away. I didn't talk to them for a long time since. My pregnancy being healthy and successful was more important than the drama they wanted. Although... mutual friends heard a lot from him. Saying a bunch of hateful things- like I got an abortion, I cheated and the child obviously wasn't his, etc.
That being said... I had a healthy baby boy. I asked a mutual friend to tell him the baby was born.. they did. He didn't ask to see him or anything. Seven months later I finally asked if he wanted to meet him. They said ok. We met twice. After the second visit, I received a message asking me what I wanted him to be to my son. I told him that I can't TELL him what to be. There was no contact after. I did send some pictures, but no response.
My son has a half brother who is a year and two days younger. They didn't want me or my son to know anything about the child, so he wasn't involved. They have never met.
I filed for child support after my sons first birthday. Which the father forgot- but the stepmother didn't.
He filed for legitimation with a lawyer and wants joint custody. He wants my son EVERY thursday to sunday. He also sent his list of finances. He makes a very decent living, lives for free in a basement, and yet says he uses all of his money in bills. Ok. Sure.
What do you think my chances are? I can't afford a lawyer and GA legal aid helps abuse cases.. I am having a hard time finding a lawyer to help me. I've done several consultations.
No child support order has been given and they want mediation. I'm not sure what to expect... or what the possible outcomes are.
I might come off as bitter, like I said.. but in person, I have a really good poker face I can smile through anything.

Self-help legal resources


For those who want to consider filing an action in court on their own, below is a list of resources. These sites have forms and instructions, which include forms for legitimation and visitation.

www.fultonfamilydivision.com This is the site of the Fulton County Superior Court Family Division's Family Law Information Center. Any resident of the State of Georgia can visit the center in person at its location. The address is 185 Central Avenue, Atlanta, Ga. 30303. The phone is 404-335-2789. One can receive a free, brief legal consultation with an attorney by calling and making an appointment. However, a non-custodial parent must follow the guidelines of the county with legal jurisdiction over his/her particular legal issues.

www.co.dekalb.ga.us/dekalbflic This is the site of DeKalb County Superior Court's Family Law Information Center. Any DeKalb resident or person with a family law issue related to DeKalb County can visit the center at its location at 120 West Trinity Place, Decatur, Ga. 30030. The phone is 404-687-3990. Brief, legal consultations with an attorney are available for $10 by calling and making an appointment.

http://sca.cobbcountyga.gov/familylaw_workshop.htm This is the site of the Cobb County Superior Court Family Law Workshop. Any Cobb resident or person with a family law issue related to Cobb County can visit the center at 30 Waddell Street, Marietta, Ga. 30090. The phone is 770-528-1812. The workshop is free of charge and provides answers to basic questions about divorce, paternity/legitimation, contempt, and modification cases.

http://production.albany.ga.us/law_library/LL_forms_family_law.htm This is the site of the Dougherty County Superior Court Law Library. Any Dougherty resident or person with a family law issue related to Dougherty County can visit the center at its location at 225 Pine Avenue, Room 212, Albany, Ga. 31702. The phone is 229-431-2133. The library manager, who is an attorney, is available to provide assistance with conducting research, finding appropriate materials and possible legal resources, suggesting self-help resources, and answering legal reference questions in person or by e-mail. However, the library manager is not permitted to give legal advice or interpret specific legal situations.

www.hallcounty.org/judicial/jud_FLIC&GAL.asp This is the site of the Hall and Dawson County Superior Court Family Law Information Center. Any Hall or Dawson resident or person with a family law issue related to Hall or Dawson Counties can visit the center at its location at 225 Green Street, S.E., Gainesville, Ga. 30501. The phone is 770-531-2463. Brief, legal consultations with an attorney are available at no cost in Dawson County. However, a financial qualification is required for attorney consultations in Hall County.

http://www.appfamilylawcenter.org/ This is the site of the Appalachian Family Law Information Center serving Fannin, Gilmer, and Pickens counties. Any Fannin, Gilmer or Pickens resident or person with a family law issue related to these counties can visit the center at its location at 1 Broad Street, Suite 102 A, Ellijay, Ga. 30540. The phone is 706-299-1444. Brief, legal consultations with an attorney are available by appointment for income-qualified individuals.

www.LegalAid-Ga.org This site is a project of the Atlanta Legal Aid Society, the Georgia Legal Services Program and the Pro Bono Project of the State Bar of Georgia. It is a guide to free legal information and services including the topics of legitimation, visitation, and custody.

A list of the Georgia Superior Court Clerks for every county is on this web site: www.gsccca.org.

http://tinyurl.com/2ue6rdk


Child Support guidelines/calculators here: http://tinyurl.com/2fan2sw

 

[Just Blue]

Realistically, unless you were to roll over and play dead in mediation dad won't get what he wants. First, no judge is going to give him EVERY weekend, and second, he is a total stranger to the child.

However you also need to understand that dad WILL get visitation, and likely more visitation than what you are comfortable with unless you go into mediation and then court, with a reasonable parenting plan. You want something that goes in phases, so that the child gets to know dad and gets comfortable with dad before going alone with dad and eventually having overnights.

Google the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines for ideas, google the Texas Standard Visitation Guidelines for ideas, see if your state has guidelines for phased in parenting time, and google other states to see what they have. Pull the ideas together and come up with phases for parenting time. One thing that I would recommend is that you insist that dad must complete each phase before going on to the next. If dad is sincere about wanting a relationship with his child he will complete the phases...if he is not, he won't.

Why would you have OP google Indiana and Texas Guidelines for a Georgia case?

 

[gam]

I responded to his parenting plan with my own.. I stated that after a "warm up" period of daytime visitation every other weekend, I would be fine with every other friday night to sunday night. (2nd and 4th weekends).. which seems to be pretty standard around here.
It isn't something that I have to like and be comfortable with- because if it goes to court.. it won't be my decision. I realize that.

It's hard to do this without a lawyer if the other side has one. Mediation will be the mediator trying to get you 2 to come to middle ground. But if he has a lawyer in the mediation, that lawyer may make arguments for things, and your going to have to be prepared for them and make arguments back. You can try and get a temp CS order, but if GA gives credit for overnights, they might wait until a parenting order is done before doing a CS order.

This "warm up" period, is that with you there for any of it, or just sending the baby off with dad. I highly suggest if you can to maybe include a weeknight or 2 on the off week of his weekend, and 1 weeknight on his weekend, week. It's a long time to go for an 18 month old on a warm up between visits, I don't think your going to be happy with the results. Consider your child to, does the child go off easy with strangers, is the child a routine child or a go with the flow type of child. If you don't want to do these extra weeknights or dad does not want them, consider asking for a weekly skype session. That way the child talks to and actually sees dad once a week, at least through this warm up period.

My grandsons dad was out of the picture for the first 2 years and 9 months, he lives out of state. He can only come once a month for visits, the child has struggled with the "warm up" period, because it is so spaced out. The skype sessions have helped. Even with a now 3 year old, those skype sessions last for a short time, but it is the point that he sees dads face, hears his voice and that has helped with the spaced out visits and getting comfortable with dad.

With your childs age though, understand that you would have to be participating yourself a bit in the skype sessions. But you need to do what you have to, to make this transition the quickest for your child.

 

[sandyclaus]

I'll just bet that the ex's new wife is driving the bus on this one, probably starting right after you filed for child support. It's a common tactic for uninterested parents who are being asked to pay child support to suddenly show an interest in custody of the child they never wanted to spend time with before, under the mindset that having custody will either eliminate or greatly reduce the child support obligation. It's POSSIBLE he has other reasons, but I wouldn't bet on it. If there's an existing support order, you would be looking for a request to modify that support downward upon the court granting any kind of custody order. If there isn't one yet, you can bet this is a tactic to try to keep one from being issued.

Since Dad has an attorney, I would highly recommend getting one yourself. You'll do much better if you have a strong legal defense, which you probably won't be able to do for yourself.

 

[LdiJ]

Why would you have OP google Indiana and Texas Guidelines for a Georgia case?

For ideas and examples of types of phased in parenting plans. Are you saying that people should not draw ideas from multiple sources?

 

[mayuriinabox]

Agreed

The wife has had considerable interest in my son since the first day they started dating- example: he posted the ultrasounds he was there for on facebook and she commented, liked, etc.
I do firmly believe that when I asked if he wanted to see my son.. it was her that really wanted to. He looked at my son like some kind of object and didn't really want to do much with him. His wife was very excited and walked with him and talked, held him.

So yes, I do believe the assumption that the wife is in the seat with custody.

However... When I was pregnant, it was mentioned to me that medicaid asks the father to pay half of medical bills and child support. I talked to my ex about it and he flipped his lid. He got on the phone with his father, they both yelled at me and he told me that he could sign off rights, or give me child support and I give it back to him, or marry him (to which I said heck no.)

So I think he is going to do whatever it takes to get out of paying child support. According to the child support calculator for GA, he makes 83% of our combined income and it totals out to around 450 in child support from him. I don't know how much courts take off for another child in his home. On top of that, I think the percentage is the same for daycare costs? Which is 420 a month, total. So he would end up with about 330 of it?

I am not sure about any of it. I've tried doing some research on it previously, and now I am again. But any help IS appreciated.

 

[Zigner]

I'd like to point one thing out that may seem obvious when you hear it, but can cause problems down the road:

Make sure you define the starting point for a "weekend". If not, you WILL run in to conflict at some point in the future because what you consider to be the second weekend he may consider to be the first weekend.

 

[mayuriinabox]

I'd like to point one thing out that may seem obvious when you hear it, but can cause problems down the road:

Make sure you define the starting point for a "weekend". If not, you WILL run in to conflict at some point in the future because what you consider to be the second weekend he may consider to be the first weekend.

I put 6PM Friday to 6PM Sunday on the second and fourth weekends of the month.

 

[Zigner]

I put 6PM Friday to 6PM Sunday on the second and fourth weekends of the month.

Would June 8th be a Saturday in the first weekend of June or the second weekend?

From the way you've defined weekends, I would say that it's the first weekend (since you've defined the weekend to start on Friday) - see how it could cause conflict? I'm not saying that it WILL, just that it can.

 

[mayuriinabox]

Would June 8th be a Saturday in the first weekend of June or the second weekend?

From the way you've defined weekends, I would say that it's the first weekend (since you've defined the weekend to start on Friday) - see how it could cause conflict? I'm not saying that it WILL, just that it can.

Good point. Haven't thought about that D:

 

[Zigner]

Court orders should make things very clear - and that's one of those things that is rarely considered

 

[mayuriinabox]

Court orders should make things very clear - and that's one of those things that is rarely considered

I did make it a point on the parenting plan to talk about changes.
Where it asks what circumstances would cause a visitation to be missed or whatnot..
I.E Death in family, etc.

I made sure to put that following the event, the visitation schedule would resume normally. Hopefully that will help, also. I am trying to avoid the whole "I didn't get him last week because such and such happened.. so I want him this weekend" thing.