Can I file for custody?

[Roxcie]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I have a 4 year old grandson that has lived with me since he was 3 months old. I pay for everything. All of his financial needs and I take him to all of his doctor appts and activities. His parents do not pay anything towards his care. Both of his parents smokes weed on a daily basis and the mom also pops pills. In addition, she has mental health issues and was baker acted back in April ’10. And she has a domestic abuse charge from 2 years ago.

Currently they are not together; they broke up 2 months ago. My son moved back home and she lives with her mother. The mother takes him once a week for an overnight visit.

Last week the mom said she wants to take her son to live with her at her mom’s house. Her mother’s house there are 6 adults living in a small 3 bedroom apt. Her mother is not the best mother or grandmother. The only time in the past 4 years his mom has shown any real interest in my grandson is when things were really bad between her and my son. She has never had my grandson for more than 2 nights ever.

Do I have any rights to file for custody?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

I have a 4 year old grandson that has lived with me since he was 3 months old. I pay for everything. All of his financial needs and I take him to all of his doctor appts and activities. His parents do not pay anything towards his care. Both of his parents smokes weed on a daily basis and the mom also pops pills. In addition, she has mental health issues and was baker acted back in April ’10. And she has a domestic abuse charge from 2 years ago.

Currently they are not together; they broke up 2 months ago. My son moved back home and she lives with her mother. The mother takes him once a week for an overnight visit.

Last week the mom said she wants to take her son to live with her at her mom’s house. Her mother’s house there are 6 adults living in a small 3 bedroom apt. Her mother is not the best mother or grandmother. The only time in the past 4 years his mom has shown any real interest in my grandson is when things were really bad between her and my son. She has never had my grandson for more than 2 nights ever.

Do I have any rights to file for custody?

Unless BOTH the legal parents agree, you'd have to prove them BOTH to be legally unfit.

Nothing you have said here really indicates that, and if it did...you would have had CPS/equivalent involved already, correct?

 

[Roxcie]

what do I do?

My son agreed to give me custody but she has not.

I didn't get CPS/equivalent involved because as a parent myself I hoped they would get their act together but it seems like it got worst. The weed\pills, the arguing, the sexual behavior. It was crazy! And besides my grandson lived me with so there was not real danger to his well being.

I've talked to both of them throughout the past 4 years to get both their act together but they never did. I paid for their medical so they could get help but she never did. She has a VD for the past 2.5 years that she has yet to take care of. If she can't take care of a VD am I suppose to feel all warm & fuzzy about her taking care of my grandson. I'm just furstrated and tired at the same time. I would never keep a child from their parents. Every child needs to know their mother and father. But what am I to do? I currently take my grandson to behavioral counseling because everytime he comes back from his mother's, he comes back very agressive. I can't just turn my back on this situation.

When she was baker acted and was sent to a mental health facility they told her that she needs to be on meds and get counseling but she never followed up. I asked her numerous times about it and I got the same answer... "Yeah I know. I will go" but she never did.

If I can't file for custody then what do I do? I really don't want to be enemies with her because she needs to be in his life.

 

[Proserpina]

My son agreed to give me custody but she has not.

I didn't get CPS/equivalent involved because as a parent myself I hoped they would get their act together but it seems like it got worst. The weed\pills, the arguing, the sexual behavior. It was crazy! And besides my grandson lived me with so there was not real danger to his well being.

So you've basically condoned it all until this point. That's how it may well appear to the court - it's only now an issue because Mom wants her child.

I've talked to both of them throughout the past 4 years to get both their act together but they never did. I paid for their medical so they could get help but she never did. She has a VD for the past 2.5 years that she has yet to take care of. If she can't take care of a VD am I suppose to feel all warm & fuzzy about her taking care of my grandson.

Frankly her VD is NONE of your business WHATSOEVER. How on earth does that equate to not caring about her child?!

Why do you even know this, btw?

I'm just furstrated and tired at the same time. I would never keep a child from their parents. Every child needs to know their mother and father. But what am I to do? I currently take my grandson to behavioral counseling because everytime he comes back from his mother's, he comes back very agressive. I can't just turn my back on this situation.

How were you able to do that? Do you have any form of legal authorization at all?

When she was baker acted and was sent to a mental health facility they told her that she needs to be on meds and get counseling but she never followed up. I asked her numerous times about it and I got the same answer... "Yeah I know. I will go" but she never did.

If I can't file for custody then what do I do? I really don't want to be enemies with her because she needs to be in his life.

Let Mom parent her child the way she sees fit. Give her that chance.

Or, file for custody and run the risk of never seeing the child again. Ever.

(Because that's pretty much guaranteed if - or when - you lose).

 

[Roxcie]

Concerned Grandparent

So you've basically condoned it all until this point. That's how it may well appear to the court - it's only now an issue because Mom wants her child.

There's a difference between condoning and trying to help them to better parents. I'm also a parent so I know it can be difficult being young with a child. I have no problem giving her custody but only if she goes for counseling.

Frankly her VD is NONE of your business WHATSOEVER. How on earth does that equate to not caring about her child?!

Why do you even know this, btw?

You're right is not my business but she made it my business when she told me about it many times during the past 2 years. And my point is that she doesn't care enough to take care of herself so how is she going to take care of her son.

How were you able to do that? Do you have any form of legal authorization at all?

I have notarized documentation from both parents. They never took him to the doctor.

Let Mom parent her child the way she sees fit. Give her that chance.

Or, file for custody and run the risk of never seeing the child again. Ever.

(Because that's pretty much guaranteed if - or when - you lose).

Thank you for responding but it sounds like you're taking this personally. I'm only trying to protect my grandson. Not cause his mom heartache. Is that so bad? As I said before I have no desire to be enemies with her. She needs to be in her son's life. You need to understand that up to this point she didn’t take any interest in him. And her current behavior is because my son does not want to be with her. If she wanted to have custody of her son then she would do what it takes to be a mom. There are some weeks I have to call her to come and see her son. Does that sound like a real mother? And there's the fact that she is on drugs. This she has admitted to me numerous times and it can be proven by a drug test.

I am also concerned about his mother living with her mother. My grandson's other grandmother is a real case. She has abandoned her children on more than one occasion. I've had to take in her children a few times because they had nowhere to go. I’ve been very good to my grandson’s mother and her siblings. I’ve always been there when they needed help or when they needed someone to talk to. I helped her and her brother get their GED and find jobs.

I'll take my chances with the court. Maybe the court can order her to go for counseling for her mental health issues and take some parenting classes.

 

[Gracie3787]

You're not going to get anywhere filing for custody.

What you do need to do is to file a report with DCF and let them do an investigation.

In the mean time, you should get a consult with a local attorney to find out exactly what your options are.
You can get a low cost consult by calling the Florida Bar Lawyer Referral service at 1-800-342-8011.

 

[Proserpina]

There's a difference between condoning and trying to help them to better parents. I'm also a parent so I know it can be difficult being young with a child. I have no problem giving her custody but only if she goes for counseling.





You're right is not my business but she made it my business when she told me about it many times during the past 2 years. And my point is that she doesn't care enough to take care of herself so how is she going to take care of her son.





I have notarized documentation from both parents. They never took him to the doctor.





Thank you for responding but it sounds like you're taking this personally. I'm only trying to protect my grandson. Not cause his mom heartache. Is that so bad? As I said before I have no desire to be enemies with her. She needs to be in her son's life. You need to understand that up to this point she didn’t take any interest in him. And her current behavior is because my son does not want to be with her. If she wanted to have custody of her son then she would do what it takes to be a mom. There are some weeks I have to call her to come and see her son. Does that sound like a real mother? And there's the fact that she is on drugs. This she has admitted to me numerous times and it can be proven by a drug test.

I am also concerned about his mother living with her mother. My grandson's other grandmother is a real case. She has abandoned her children on more than one occasion. I've had to take in her children a few times because they had nowhere to go. I’ve been very good to my grandson’s mother and her siblings. I’ve always been there when they needed help or when they needed someone to talk to. I helped her and her brother get their GED and find jobs.

I'll take my chances with the court. Maybe the court can order her to go for counseling for her mental health issues and take some parenting classes.

Because you didn't like what I wrote, I'm obviously taking this personally?



Alright then.

Do what Gracie suggested.

Be prepared for a long, expensive and painful fight if you chose NOT to follow the suggested route.

 

[Roxcie]

.
You're not going to get anywhere filing for custody.

What you do need to do is to file a report with DCF and let them do an investigation.

In the mean time, you should get a consult with a local attorney to find out exactly what your options are.
You can get a low cost consult by calling the Florida Bar Lawyer Referral service at 1-800-342-8011.

Gracie, thank you for your suggestion. I think this makes more sense. I will make some phone calls on Monday.

 

[Roxcie]

Because you didn't like what I wrote, I'm obviously taking this personally?



Alright then.

Do what Gracie suggested.

Be prepared for a long, expensive and painful fight if you chose NOT to follow the suggested route.

Because you sound like you're attacking me. I expected to get advice but instead you tried to make it seem like I’m the one doing wrong.
I'm trying to do what is best for my grandson. I have valid concerns. Any caring parent or grandparent would agree. I already raised my children; this is my time to enjoy my life but I can’t because I’m raising a grandchild. I'm trying to be fair to everyone involved. They both need to step up to the plate and be parents whether or not they are together, if neither one wants to do what it takes to be parents then what do you expect me to do? You suggested I let her raise him the way she sees fit, how do I do that knowing what I know. Just turn my back and hope all goes well? Really? That’s your advice.

I love his mother and only want the best for her and her siblings but at the end the day my grandson will always come first. I’m not asking for permanent custody, just temporary custody until she gets the help she needs. It’s apparent she is not going to do it on her own. I think Gracie's advice makes more sense.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to respond. I still appreciate your feedback.

 

[Proserpina]

Because you sound like you're attacking me. I expected to get advice but instead you tried to make it seem like I’m the one doing wrong.

Nobody has attacked you.

Without proof that Mom is actually a danger to her child you have little to no chance of gaining custody.

Perhaps what caught my eye was that you don't seem to be even half willing to give Mom the chance to raise her child.

Give her that chance. You know?

Which part of that concept is wrong, hurtful or attacking?

I'm trying to do what is best for my grandson. I have valid concerns. Any caring parent or grandparent would agree.

In other words, if I don't agree I'm uncaring.

Sigh.

I already raised my children; this is my time to enjoy my life but I can’t because I’m raising a grandchild. I'm trying to be fair to everyone involved. They both need to step up to the plate and be parents whether or not they are together, if neither one wants to do what it takes to be parents then what do you expect me to do? You suggested I let her raise him the way she sees fit, how do I do that knowing what I know. Just turn my back and hope all goes well? Really? That’s your advice.

I love his mother and only want the best for her and her siblings but at the end the day my grandson will always come first. I’m not asking for permanent custody, just temporary custody until she gets the help she needs. It’s apparent she is not going to do it on her own. I think Gracie's advice makes more sense.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to respond. I still appreciate your feedback.

You're welcome.

 

[Frank"TJ"Mackey]

Because you sound like you're attacking me. I expected to get advice but instead you tried to make it seem like I’m the one doing wrong.
I'm trying to do what is best for my grandson. I have valid concerns. Any caring parent or grandparent would agree. I already raised my children; this is my time to enjoy my life but I can’t because I’m raising a grandchild. I'm trying to be fair to everyone involved. They both need to step up to the plate and be parents whether or not they are together, if neither one wants to do what it takes to be parents then what do you expect me to do? YOU SUGGESTED I LET HER RAISE HIM THE WAY SHE SEES FIT, how do I do that knowing what I know. Just turn my back and hope all goes well? Really? That’s your advice.

I love his mother and only want the best for her and her siblings but at the end the day my grandson will always come first. I’m not asking for permanent custody, just temporary custody until she gets the help she needs. It’s apparent she is not going to do it on her own. I think Gracie's advice makes more sense.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to respond. I still appreciate your feedback.

Umm****************************. Yes thats how one learns.
Through their OWN mistakes.

Although your intentions sound sincere-you come off as being an overstepping, controlling individual.

 

[ElvinMelvin]

I have no problem giving her custody but only if she goes for counseling.

Custody of the child is not yours to give.

Mom has custody, and has every right to have her child with her.

The only chance you may have to get custody is if you can prove in court that Mom is unfit. A local attorney will be able to tell you the likelihood of success in that endeavor.

BTW, Proserpina is absolutely correct. The fact that you consider the mother a danger to her own child and have not yet called social services to investigate after all this time will not play well in court.

 

[stealth2]

Quite honestly, it is NOT your place to decide whether the parents are going to raise their child or not. If Mom wants to take the kiddo home with her? She has every right to do so and you have none to refuse her. None.

 

[liandrajade]

and just to throw my $0.02 in, the GP in these cases always make their OWN children out to be these horrible excuses of parenting....yet you fail to account yourself in the equation at all?....

now granted your adult children you have no control over the nonsense they do BUT you would think you would have instilled some kind of moral decency into them correct?

and to point out what other people said, if you REALLY thought you grandchild was in so much danger you would have called the appropriate authorities...god knows my OWN mother actually did call CPS on me for something that she THOUGHT happened but never did...

im sorry for everything that is going on and like many said your intentions may be in the right place but you are playing with fire here....if you sue both parents for custody you MUST have a COLD HARD case of neglect and abuse against BOTH parents UNLESS they voluntarily agree to give you temporary guardianship.

 

[cheerful]

to the OP

I hear your concern, and understand where you come from.

I do not understand why ppl on this board are attacking you. The language and style are inappropriate. I dont know the law, bit would talk to a family counseling center in your area, they may be able to guide you.

if you offered DIL to visit child at your house, and you would serve dinner/ lunch, would she be happy with it? my friend did it, and mom was happy, she was not really interested in the child.

Get counseling, wishing you luck.