Can't see or call my grandaughter

[chris3920]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My daughter is a single mom and her and my grandaughter lived with me, her father and her brother for five years and we helped raise our grandaughter. A little over a year ago they moved in with her boyfriend and are now engaged. My daughter and i got in a verbal civil arguement about two weeks ago., I gave her space like she wanted but now when i called to ask to talk to my grandaughter, i was told no. This has never happened. We were always so close. I really believe her fiance is giving her some kind of ultimatum because he has not liked me or my son since we talked to him about spanking my grandaughter. How long should i wait before seeking legal help and will it hurt me if i keep calling and trying to see my daughter and grandaughter?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

My daughter is a single mom and her and my grandaughter lived with me, her father and her brother for five years and we helped raise our grandaughter. A little over a year ago they moved in with her boyfriend and are now engaged. My daughter and i got in a verbal civil arguement about two weeks ago., I gave her space like she wanted but now when i called to ask to talk to my grandaughter, i was told no. This has never happened. We were always so close. I really believe her fiance is giving her some kind of ultimatum because he has not liked me or my son since we talked to him about spanking my grandaughter. How long should i wait before seeking legal help and will it hurt me if i keep calling and trying to see my daughter and grandaughter?

Where is the child's father?

Define "spanking"?

 

[milspecgirl]

you mean mom let her boyfriend spank the child???? ohboy- mom was way off on that one and so was the boyfriend.

Have you tried to talk to dad?

Keep trying to mend fences with your daughter. maybe letters to your grandchild will be a bit better received in the beginning.

I'm not sure on IN's grandparent visitation clauses, but if they have it, you would most likely qualify to file as you can show you have a bond with the child that has lasted the child's whole life until recently (6 years or so right?) and that breaking that bond would be detrimental to the child.

However, please try everything possible to reunite with your daughter, because once you file those papers, she will probably never speak to you again.

 

[commentator]

This is your first introduction to the famous game called "Grandchild hostage."

If you and your daughter fall out, she has the power to say you do not see your grandchild. If the son-in-law to be is going to be very influential in her life, and he is not happy with you, and then you have a fuss with your daughter, then I very well think the mother/your daughter may cut off contact with you for a while. I doubt if this one will escalate to the point of suing for grandparent's rights. This sounds more like a family argument.

Did you and your son warn him or threaten him about what would happen if he ever did spank the child, or did you talk to him after a specific incident?

 

[Ohiogal]

Truthfully, grandma had no right to speak to the mother's boyfriend about spanking the child. Mother is allowed to permit her boyfriend to spank her child. The only one with standing to gripe is the child's father. Who -- if I am reading this correctly -- is not grandma's son. Grandma (OP) is the maternal grandmother and her son is the child's uncle.

Spanking is discipline and not considered abuse in many areas. If this were an abusive situation then the grandmother should have approached her daughter or child protective services or the police.

 

[chris3920]

Where is the child's father?

Define "spanking"?

The childs father is not involved in her life, he pays child support and lives in a different state.

Not sure about defining spanking. She said hit on the butt for not telling the truth. She was five at the time.

 

[chris3920]

you mean mom let her boyfriend spank the child???? ohboy- mom was way off on that one and so was the boyfriend.

Have you tried to talk to dad?

Keep trying to mend fences with your daughter. maybe letters to your grandchild will be a bit better received in the beginning.

I'm not sure on IN's grandparent visitation clauses, but if they have it, you would most likely qualify to file as you can show you have a bond with the child that has lasted the child's whole life until recently (6 years or so right?) and that breaking that bond would be detrimental to the child.

However, please try everything possible to reunite with your daughter, because once you file those papers, she will probably never speak to you again.

Believe me I want to fix things with my daughter, we have always been close until she moved in with him. Dont think letters wll work, she just turned seven and doesnt read yet.

Dad has not been involved in her life except to pay child support. he lives in another state and has not seen her since a year old.

 

[milspecgirl]

my suggestion- apologize to mom and fiance for butting in where you shouldn't have.
I'm not saying that it was right for him to spank her, but that is mom (and dad's) call- not yours.
just state that you realize it was none of your business, you just forgot your place since you had spent so many years helping parent the child.
Hopefully, they will forgive you and you can all move forward

 

[chris3920]

This is your first introduction to the famous game called "Grandchild hostage."

If you and your daughter fall out, she has the power to say you do not see your grandchild. If the son-in-law to be is going to be very influential in her life, and he is not happy with you, and then you have a fuss with your daughter, then I very well think the mother/your daughter may cut off contact with you for a while. I doubt if this one will escalate to the point of suing for grandparent's rights. This sounds more like a family argument.

Did you and your son warn him or threaten him about what would happen if he ever did spank the child, or did you talk to him after a specific incident?

I am hoping to resolve this with my daughter. I love her so much. I am not only missing my grandaughter but my daughter too.

When we found out about the spanking we sat them both down to talk. I basically told him it was wrong and if it happened again i would call CPS. My son told him if he ever touched her again he would kill him, which of course he didnt mean but we say things when we are angry. My son was the only father figure my grandaughter had for five years. My daughters boyfriend is still pissed about it.

 

[Proserpina]

Indiana Code 31-17-5

 

[chris3920]

Truthfully, grandma had no right to speak to the mother's boyfriend about spanking the child. Mother is allowed to permit her boyfriend to spank her child. The only one with standing to gripe is the child's father. Who -- if I am reading this correctly -- is not grandma's son. Grandma (OP) is the maternal grandmother and her son is the child's uncle.

Spanking is discipline and not considered abuse in many areas. If this were an abusive situation then the grandmother should have approached her daughter or child protective services or the police.

Sorry to disagree but my family has always considered it abuse, even my daughter before this happened.

 

[Proserpina]

I am hoping to resolve this with my daughter. I love her so much. I am not only missing my grandaughter but my daughter too.

When we found out about the spanking we sat them both down to talk. I basically told him it was wrong and if it happened again i would call CPS. My son told him if he ever touched her again he would kill him, which of course he didnt mean but we say things when we are angry. My son was the only father figure my grandaughter had for five years. My daughters boyfriend is still pissed about it.

I'm sure he is. Your son was out of line.

And frankly you had no business telling your daughter how she should or shouldn't parent her child.

 

[chris3920]

my suggestion- apologize to mom and fiance for butting in where you shouldn't have.
I'm not saying that it was right for him to spank her, but that is mom (and dad's) call- not yours.
just state that you realize it was none of your business, you just forgot your place since you had spent so many years helping parent the child.
Hopefully, they will forgive you and you can all move forward

This situation happened over a year ago. Have apologized but they will still not let it go.

Also it was not Dad who spanked, he is not in the picture, just pays child support. It was moms boyfriend and they had just moved in together.

 

[LdiJ]

I am hoping to resolve this with my daughter. I love her so much. I am not only missing my grandaughter but my daughter too.

When we found out about the spanking we sat them both down to talk. I basically told him it was wrong and if it happened again i would call CPS. My son told him if he ever touched her again he would kill him, which of course he didnt mean but we say things when we are angry. My son was the only father figure my grandaughter had for five years. My daughters boyfriend is still pissed about it.

Oh Grandma, you and your son overstepped so far with that one that I am completely unsurprised that you have this problem now.

I am not surprised at all that her boyfriend is still pissed about it. You are never going to be able to repair this with your daughter until you can truly understand just how horribly out of line you were.

 

[chris3920]

I'm sure he is. Your son was out of line.

And frankly you had no business telling your daughter how she should or shouldn't parent her child.

Me and my son are NOT out of line for trying to protect a child from abuse. Not telling her how to parent, just will not tolerate anyone abusing a child and neither would CPS.

He threatened him and so did i over a year ago. So if he wants to hold grudges that long that is his perogative.

By the way how do you feel about him telling me he spanked her because sometimes you have to re-program children. That was his exact words and he needs mental help if he really believes that. He isnt even her father.,