PurpleLilac
Junior Member
I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle a situation with my father and his latest wife. The short story is that he is an emotionally abusive parent. I could tell numerous stories about my life with my father, some heartbreaking, others exhausting and hurtful. When my daughter was born, I was hoping maybe with age, he could have matured, and he would want to be a better grandparent than parent, but that was not the case. I took my daughter to his house several times when she was a baby, but he never asked on his own to see her or ever requested to spend time with her when she was a young child. He was going through some changes in his marriage. The woman he was married to secretly left, went into hiding and filed for a divorce. He made comments that my daughter's baby pictures were ugly and made off comments that something was wrong with her, claiming her dad did drugs effecting her genes that he passed on to her, which is untrue.
It was evident he had not changed, and there was no way he was going to inflict his dysfunction on my daughter, so I stopped contacting him. He barely noticed and didn't bother to contact me until years later. When she was 11 yrs. old, he started wanting to see her. I spoke to him a few times, and learned nothing had changed with him. I told him how I felt calming, still with the hope (but I didn't hold my breath) that he would gain some insight and miraculously develop empathy. He didn't, and i told him my concerns and reasons I feared for my daughter's safety. He was angry, and hired an attorney. The attorney sent me a letter stating my father's request for grandparent visitation and requiring me to send a response in a certain amount of time. I wrote a letter in response. I didn't hear back from the attorney, and my father disappeared again for a few more years.
Now, my daughter will be graduating. I received a message that they (him and wife #4, who is something else), that they are coming to her graduation ceremony, which is in a public place. This is beyond awkward, and I worry about what they may do in public. Without saying too much, I know this will cause my daughter anxiety to deal with this, under any circumstance, but especially while among her classmates and teachers during such a special day. She has worked so hard and is a conscientious person and student. I have another concern, which I would like to post here, but I don't want to mention it in public. To put it vaguely, I worry about the potential of his venting could effect other opportunities. How would you deal with this? Could anything be done legally to prevent them from showing up? Thank you for reading all this, and I really appreciate any thoughts and advice.
It was evident he had not changed, and there was no way he was going to inflict his dysfunction on my daughter, so I stopped contacting him. He barely noticed and didn't bother to contact me until years later. When she was 11 yrs. old, he started wanting to see her. I spoke to him a few times, and learned nothing had changed with him. I told him how I felt calming, still with the hope (but I didn't hold my breath) that he would gain some insight and miraculously develop empathy. He didn't, and i told him my concerns and reasons I feared for my daughter's safety. He was angry, and hired an attorney. The attorney sent me a letter stating my father's request for grandparent visitation and requiring me to send a response in a certain amount of time. I wrote a letter in response. I didn't hear back from the attorney, and my father disappeared again for a few more years.
Now, my daughter will be graduating. I received a message that they (him and wife #4, who is something else), that they are coming to her graduation ceremony, which is in a public place. This is beyond awkward, and I worry about what they may do in public. Without saying too much, I know this will cause my daughter anxiety to deal with this, under any circumstance, but especially while among her classmates and teachers during such a special day. She has worked so hard and is a conscientious person and student. I have another concern, which I would like to post here, but I don't want to mention it in public. To put it vaguely, I worry about the potential of his venting could effect other opportunities. How would you deal with this? Could anything be done legally to prevent them from showing up? Thank you for reading all this, and I really appreciate any thoughts and advice.