Contact with 15 year old grandson

[Trail213]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

First, I am not a "nutcase" grandparent. I'm in a situation that I would never have predicted 10 years ago given the good relationship I had with my grandsons' mother--at least until the divorce from my son. For the past 6 years, I have not been allowed any contact with my only two grandsons, who live in San Diego and are now 15 and 12. My son terminated his parental rights and the boys' mother does not want me to have any contact with them. She is happy to have this side of the family completely deleted from their lives. I am a quality person, a certified English teacher working on a Master's degree, and a good citizen. I am not a bad person and am very sad that my son, who remarried, chose to abandon his sons and the rest of his family. Not only have I lost my grandsons, I have also lost my son (a Navy SEAL by the way).

My older grandson will be 16 in June. I have prepared a letter together with a CD containing family photos and some special occasion cards with some money inside for personal delivery to him by a third party next spring.

What retaliatory action could the mother take given that my grandson will be almost 16? There are no restraining orders or other court orders preventing contact.

This has been the most devastating event I have ever experienced in my life. Thank you for any help you can give.

Oregon Grandma

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by Trail213

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

First, I am not a "nutcase" grandparent. I'm in a situation that I would never have predicted 10 years ago given the good relationship I had with my grandsons' mother--at least until the divorce from my son. For the past 6 years, I have not been allowed any contact with my only two grandsons, who live in San Diego and are now 15 and 12. My son terminated his parental rights and the boys' mother does not want me to have any contact with them. She is happy to have this side of the family completely deleted from their lives. I am a quality person, a certified English teacher working on a Master's degree, and a good citizen. I am not a bad person and am very sad that my son, who remarried, chose to abandon his sons and the rest of his family. Not only have I lost my grandsons, I have also lost my son (a Navy SEAL by the way).

My older grandson will be 16 in June. I have prepared a letter together with a CD containing family photos and some special occasion cards with some money inside for personal delivery to him by a third party next spring.

What retaliatory action could the mother take given that my grandson will be almost 16? There are no restraining orders or other court orders preventing contact.

This has been the most devastating event I have ever experienced in my life. Thank you for any help you can give.

Oregon Grandma

Your son has terminated his rights - these children may not be your grandchildren at all in the legal sense (and that IS what's important here).

If Mom has specifically stated that she does not want you to have contact you really do need to respect her wishes. When her sons are considered adults - at 18 - they can absolutely choose to contact you themselves. But at the moment what you plan to do could well be seen as a deliberate attempt to circumvent Mom's wishes by the use of a "third party".

You have not had any contact with these boys in 6 years - have you any idea how much turmoil this could introduce to them? Please, think of them first.

[CJane]

Just a shot in the dark here - but I'm betting Dad did NOT get his rights terminated, but rather chose to have no custody/visitation. Not the same thing.

However, that doesn't really change the outcome here. If Mom wants GPs to have no contact, and has made that clear to them, then GPs better not have any contact while the children are minors.

[Trail213]

While I appreciate the opinions of the two responders, my question was specific regarding what the mother's legal recourse could be if contact was made with the 15 year old. I understand the ramifications of making contact after 6 years (although during that time I have sent packages, letters, and presents which were returned to me). But I wasn't requesting a moral judgment on whether the contact was a right or wrong action.

What I was asking is: From a strictly legal standpoint, what recourse might the mother have if she wants to spend the money on an attorney? For instance, could she file a civil suit and if so, for what?

And as far as my son either terminating his parental rights or whether he elected not to exercise visitation, I have no idea since he hasn't had contact with our family since 2004. The California courts are silent on matters concerning adoption and juvenile court cases if you are not the parent or custodian of the child. Without hiring an attorney, I can only guess at what occurred.

Also, just out of curiosity -- are there any responders answering these questions who are actually grandparents? Do the responders have any legal expertise/background on which they are basing their answers? And are most of you parents? Just wondering**************....

Thank you.

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by Trail213

While I appreciate the opinions of the two responders, my question was specific regarding what the mother's legal recourse could be if contact was made with the 15 year old. I understand the ramifications of making contact after 6 years (although during that time I have sent packages, letters, and presents which were returned to me). But I wasn't requesting a moral judgment on whether the contact was a right or wrong action.

What I was asking is: From a strictly legal standpoint, what recourse might the mother have if she wants to spend the money on an attorney? For instance, could she file a civil suit and if so, for what?

And as far as my son either terminating his parental rights or whether he elected not to exercise visitation, I have no idea since he hasn't had contact with our family since 2004. The California courts are silent on matters concerning adoption and juvenile court cases if you are not the parent or custodian of the child. Without hiring an attorney, I can only guess at what occurred.

Also, just out of curiosity -- are there any responders answering these questions who are actually grandparents? Do the responders have any legal expertise/background on which they are basing their answers? And are most of you parents? Just wondering**************....

Thank you.

She can obtain a restraining order and should it happen again you can face criminal charges; Mom may also have civil remedies available.

You are by all means welcome to hire an attorney if you wish to pursue this avenue should you not like the answers you've received here.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by Trail213

While I appreciate the opinions of the two responders, my question was specific regarding what the mother's legal recourse could be if contact was made with the 15 year old. I understand the ramifications of making contact after 6 years (although during that time I have sent packages, letters, and presents which were returned to me). But I wasn't requesting a moral judgment on whether the contact was a right or wrong action.

What I was asking is: From a strictly legal standpoint, what recourse might the mother have if she wants to spend the money on an attorney? For instance, could she file a civil suit and if so, for what?

And as far as my son either terminating his parental rights or whether he elected not to exercise visitation, I have no idea since he hasn't had contact with our family since 2004. The California courts are silent on matters concerning adoption and juvenile court cases if you are not the parent or custodian of the child. Without hiring an attorney, I can only guess at what occurred.

Also, just out of curiosity -- are there any responders answering these questions who are actually grandparents? Do the responders have any legal expertise/background on which they are basing their answers? And are most of you parents? Just wondering**************....

Thank you.

You were told correctly. If mom says NO to contact you will find yourself hit with a restraining order. You have NO RIGHTS to contact these children. If you try, you may expect legal action if mom is not happy with your contact. She can get a restraining order and may even try for criminal charges such as contributing to delinquency and interfering with custody depending on exactly what you do or state.

In other words, your best bet is to contact mom and send things through her.
Oh and I am an attorney and GAL.