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  1. #1
    butterflygroove is offline Junior Member
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    Controlling Grandma Wants to Sue Me

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

    Back in July/August 2010 my daughters grandmother (her fathers mother) asked if she could have her each month on a certain day (ex: the 15th of every month). I said no that it wouldn't be fair to the other grandparents, especially because she is one of the grandparents who sees her most often. We, myself and my daughter, lived with her for 3 months in 2008 during which time she was able to spend time with my daughter but she chose to be out of the house more often than not. My ex moved in with her and was there for close to a year, his mom got to see our daughter every weekend that she was there. She would call me almost every weekend that my ex had my daughter to ask if I could bring her over early so they could spend time together, when I would agree she would start calling more asking for more time. She began taking advantage so I started telling her that she couldn't go over early or that she couldn't have her for the day, etc. According to what my daughter has told me, she spent the majority of those weekends with her grandmother, not her Dad. He moved out about 7 or 8 months ago which prompted her to ask me for that one certain day each month.

    She hasn't called my daughter at our home since August 2010, even after we tried to call her 3 times. She is now saying that she is going to sue for Grandparents rights because I don't let them see each other. I've never once said she can't see her but I am trying to control how often she sees her because she will do anything she can to take advantage and see her more often. I've always allowed her to take my daughter places and do things with her but I've not allowed her to rule our lives by taking my daughter whenever she wants.

    I don't agree with some of the things she says to my daughter, like calling her sexy (I first heard this when my daughter was 4) or telling her to dance sexy so I allow contact but I try to keep the visitation to a grandparent level.

    My ex and I broke up before our daughter was born and have a verbal custody agreement that we've never wavered from in the past 7 years. We are civil with each other but I don't think he would back me up if this went to court. His visitation schedule is every other weekend and every other holiday.

    I am of the opinion that it is his responsibility to let our daughter visit with his mom but I have been nice enough to share my time with her to allow that extra contact which she has denied herself since August.

    If she takes this to court does she have a leg to stand on?
  2. #2
    Antigone* is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by butterflygroove View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

    Back in July/August 2010 my daughters grandmother (her fathers mother) asked if she could have her each month on a certain day (ex: the 15th of every month). I said no that it wouldn't be fair to the other grandparents, especially because she is one of the grandparents who sees her most often. We, myself and my daughter, lived with her for 3 months in 2008 during which time she was able to spend time with my daughter but she chose to be out of the house more often than not. My ex moved in with her and was there for close to a year, his mom got to see our daughter every weekend that she was there. She would call me almost every weekend that my ex had my daughter to ask if I could bring her over early so they could spend time together, when I would agree she would start calling more asking for more time. She began taking advantage so I started telling her that she couldn't go over early or that she couldn't have her for the day, etc. According to what my daughter has told me, she spent the majority of those weekends with her grandmother, not her Dad. He moved out about 7 or 8 months ago which prompted her to ask me for that one certain day each month.

    She hasn't called my daughter at our home since August 2010, even after we tried to call her 3 times. She is now saying that she is going to sue for Grandparents rights because I don't let them see each other. I've never once said she can't see her but I am trying to control how often she sees her because she will do anything she can to take advantage and see her more often. I've always allowed her to take my daughter places and do things with her but I've not allowed her to rule our lives by taking my daughter whenever she wants.

    I don't agree with some of the things she says to my daughter, like calling her sexy (I first heard this when my daughter was 4) or telling her to dance sexy so I allow contact but I try to keep the visitation to a grandparent level.

    My ex and I broke up before our daughter was born and have a verbal custody agreement that we've never wavered from in the past 7 years. We are civil with each other but I don't think he would back me up if this went to court. His visitation schedule is every other weekend and every other holiday.

    I am of the opinion that it is his responsibility to let our daughter visit with his mom but I have been nice enough to share my time with her to allow that extra contact which she has denied herself since August.

    If she takes this to court does she have a leg to stand on?
    Your opinion is correct. Your child's grandparent has no inherent legal rights to this child.
  3. #3
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    honestly, why you don't have a court ordered agreement in place is shocking to me. it covers you, it covers dad, it's good for the child.

    now, if granny is capable of spending time with kiddo during dad's time, then you need to reiterate that to the court. granny would have to prove that time with the child is for the child's well being and it would cause irreparable harm to the child not to see the child once a month outside of dad's time.
  4. #4
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    Is dad even legally dad? She stated there are no court orders. Does dad's name appear on the birth certificate? Is there a child support order?
  5. #5
    butterflygroove is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isis1 View Post
    honestly, why you don't have a court ordered agreement in place is shocking to me. it covers you, it covers dad, it's good for the child.

    now, if granny is capable of spending time with kiddo during dad's time, then you need to reiterate that to the court. granny would have to prove that time with the child is for the child's well being and it would cause irreparable harm to the child not to see the child once a month outside of dad's time.
    We thought we would be fine without one but I am pursuing that now, just so everyone is protected.
  6. #6
    butterflygroove is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TinkerBelleLuvr View Post
    Is dad even legally dad? She stated there are no court orders. Does dad's name appear on the birth certificate? Is there a child support order?
    He is not on the birth certificate, he stated at birth that he wanted a paternity test which I agreed to but he never moved forward with. I told him years ago that he can file a declaration of paternity to put his name on the birth cert but he hasn't done so. He does pay child support which there is an order for.
  7. #7
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by butterflygroove View Post
    He is not on the birth certificate, he stated at birth that he wanted a paternity test which I agreed to but he never moved forward with. I told him years ago that he can file a declaration of paternity to put his name on the birth cert but he hasn't done so. He does pay child support which there is an order for.
    If there is a court order for him to pay support, then he has been legally declared to be the father, even if he hasn't made the effort to have his name added to the BC.

    Again, if grandma does take this to court you simply need to reiterate that grandma needs to see the child on dad's time, just as your family sees the child on your time.
  8. #8
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    I agree with LDiJ- even here in NY, I've heard judges laugh grandparents out of the courtroom because of this. A close friend was taken to court over her child thru divorce, and the mother simply stated her child's father lived 5 minutes away from his mother, and if HIS mother wanted to see the child, then HE should be providing the time, it should not come out of hers. The judge asked teary eyed grandma how much time she saw her grandchild thru her son, and she responded 1x-2x a month on the weekend. "It's not enough!" Booooo. Judge felt what time she received was absolutely appropriate, the case had no merit and was tossed out. The grandmother was told, due to the current custody agreement, it was her responsibility to seek out her son for visits when HE had the child.

    I would try to have a heart to heart with your ex about this- make him responsible for his family seeing the child. If you are pursuing a formal custody agreement, try mediation and ask that extended family visitation stays with each respective parent's time.

    I understand controlling grandparents, boy DO I. You give them an inch, they take a mile and think they are entitled to even more. Once again, boooo.
  9. #9
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by muchneededhelp View Post
    I agree with LDiJ- even here in NY, I've heard judges laugh grandparents out of the courtroom because of this. A close friend was taken to court over her child thru divorce, and the mother simply stated her child's father lived 5 minutes away from his mother, and if HIS mother wanted to see the child, then HE should be providing the time, it should not come out of hers. The judge asked teary eyed grandma how much time she saw her grandchild thru her son, and she responded 1x-2x a month on the weekend. "It's not enough!" Booooo. Judge felt what time she received was absolutely appropriate, the case had no merit and was tossed out. The grandmother was told, due to the current custody agreement, it was her responsibility to seek out her son for visits when HE had the child.

    I would try to have a heart to heart with your ex about this- make him responsible for his family seeing the child. If you are pursuing a formal custody agreement, try mediation and ask that extended family visitation stays with each respective parent's time.

    I understand controlling grandparents, boy DO I. You give them an inch, they take a mile and think they are entitled to even more. Once again, boooo.



    You want to talk to a few NY parents who have had GPV ordered against their wishes?

    Let me grab at least one....
  10. #10
    liandrajade is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    You want to talk to a few NY parents who have had GPV ordered against their wishes?

    Let me grab at least one....
    You called me honey? ah yes...NY and GPV....lovely combo....but I still feel OH & PA are far far worse...
  11. #11
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by liandrajade View Post
    You called me honey? ah yes...NY and GPV....lovely combo....but I still feel OH & PA are far far worse...



    Shaddup, honey.

    You know why I brought this to your attention LOL
  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    You want to talk to a few NY parents who have had GPV ordered against their wishes?

    Let me grab at least one....
    LMAO- nope, I got lots, thanks. Just saying... sometimes, parents get a break and the judge understands. Trying to shed a bright light in a dark, dark, sad, empty pit of despair, that's all.
  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by liandrajade View Post
    You called me honey? ah yes...NY and GPV....lovely combo....but I still feel OH & PA are far far worse...
    Gosh, it never fails how much I adore you I must agree... It's sad when you'd rather be in NY than those other states regarding this. Makes you want to move far far away... like, 300 years ago, when grandparents didn't live long enough due to disease and famine. Sad that I wish that.
  14. #14
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by muchneededhelp View Post
    Gosh, it never fails how much I adore you I must agree... It's sad when you'd rather be in NY than those other states regarding this. Makes you want to move far far away... like, 300 years ago, when grandparents didn't live long enough due to disease and famine. Sad that I wish that.


    Psssst.

    Move to WA! (heck, at least there I can treat y'all to dinner somewhere!)

    Or FL!

  15. #15
    liandrajade is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    You want to talk to a few NY parents who have had GPV ordered against their wishes?

    Let me grab at least one....
    Luckily in the case she presented on here, that judge saw thru the baloney....HOWEVER.....mitigating factors regardless of the state you live in.

    1-the past history/contact between the grandparent and grandchild.

    2-the CURRENT laws on the books that give the statutes or guidelines under which a GPV case can be initiated, I cannot stress how important it is to know or get to know your state laws like your own blood type.

    I knew I was going to be stuck with a visitation order one way or another due to my particular situation and the laws of NY and how they are written.

    Here is the main page for CA statutes:

    [url=http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/calaw.html]Find California Code[/url]

    and here is the specific section/statutes regarding visitation in general and 3rd parties and GPV:

    [url=http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/displaycode?section=fam&group=03001-04000&file=3100-3105]CA Codes (fam:3100-3105)[/url]

    I can tell you from just glancing....I don't like it that CA has a "best interest" standard, this is just my opinion but that statute can screw a parent over if you get the wrong judge or the grandparent puts on the "poor me, i cant see my grandchild" BS.

    I copied some sections, go read the whole statute when you get a chance.

    3104. (a) On petition to the court by a grandparent of a minor
    child, the court may grant reasonable visitation rights to the
    grandparent if the court does both of the following:

    (1) Finds that there is a preexisting relationship between the
    grandparent and the grandchild that has engendered a bond such that
    visitation is in the best interest of the child.

    (2) Balances the interest of the child in having visitation with
    the grandparent against the right of the parents to exercise their
    parental authority.

    (b) A petition for visitation under this section may not be filed
    while the natural or adoptive parents are married, unless one or more
    of the following circumstances exist:

    (1) The parents are currently living separately and apart on a
    permanent or indefinite basis.

    (2) One of the parents has been absent for more than one month
    without the other spouse knowing the whereabouts of the absent
    spouse.

    (3) One of the parents joins in the petition with the
    grandparents.

    (4) The child is not residing with either parent.

    (5) The child has been adopted by a stepparent.

    At any time that a change of circumstances occurs such that none
    of these circumstances exist, the parent or parents may move the
    court to terminate grandparental visitation and the court shall grant
    the termination.

    (c) The petitioner shall give notice of the petition to each of
    the parents of the child, any stepparent, and any person who has
    physical custody of the child, by personal service pursuant to
    Section 415.10 of the Code of Civil Procedure.

    (d) If a protective order as defined in Section 6218 has been
    directed to the grandparent during the pendency of the proceeding,
    the court shall consider whether the best interest of the child
    requires that any visitation by that grandparent should be denied.

    (e) There is a rebuttable presumption that the visitation of a
    grandparent is not in the best interest of a minor child if the
    natural or adoptive parents agree that the grandparent should not be
    granted visitation rights.

    (f) There is a rebuttable presumption affecting the burden of
    proof that the visitation of a grandparent is not in the best
    interest of a minor child if the parent who has been awarded sole
    legal and physical custody of the child in another proceeding, or the
    parent with whom the child resides if there is currently no
    operative custody order objects to visitation by the grandparent.

    (g) Visitation rights may not be ordered under this section if
    that would conflict with a right of custody or visitation of a birth
    parent who is not a party to the proceeding.

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