do i have to go to court?

[RiverSong42]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

This is a dumb question, I know. In a nutshell, my ex is always threatening to sign away his parental rights to our 2 kids because he doesn't want to pay child support and never sees the kids anyway. Now, somehow his mother is actually a great person. She takes the kids to her house at least once a month (she lives 40 miles away, works, and has an 8 year old daughter, so that's kind of a big deal) she is always bringing things for the kids, tons of clothes, toys and sundries. Maybe she's trying to make up for her son, I don't know. Anyway, suffice it to.say, she's great, and the kids love her. And I personally trust her.

If my ex signs away parental rights, do we need to go to court for multiple hearings? Can we go to court and tell the judge we both agree to free and open visitation? Or can we skip court all together and keep doing things the way we do things now? If my ex signs away rights, is grandma a legal stranger?

 

[muchneededhelp]

And who will be adopting the children at the same time? You can't just fling your hands up in the air and decide you don't want to be a parent anymore. The state will not sign away his rights without someone else to take his place.

As for his mother, what should it matter whether she has a legal right to see the kids or not? If she's good to them and respects you, then there should be no reason why you can't continue visitation as you have going now.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

This is a dumb question, I know. In a nutshell, my ex is always threatening to sign away his parental rights to our 2 kids because he doesn't want to pay child support and never sees the kids anyway. Now, somehow his mother is actually a great person. She takes the kids to her house at least once a month (she lives 40 miles away, works, and has an 8 year old daughter, so that's kind of a big deal) she is always bringing things for the kids, tons of clothes, toys and sundries. Maybe she's trying to make up for her son, I don't know. Anyway, suffice it to.say, she's great, and the kids love her. And I personally trust her.

If my ex signs away parental rights, do we need to go to court for multiple hearings? Can we go to court and tell the judge we both agree to free and open visitation? Or can we skip court all together and keep doing things the way we do things now? If my ex signs away rights, is grandma a legal stranger?

If you don't have a spouse who wants to adopt then your ex can't sign away his parental rights. He doens't have to see the children.

You can allow ANYONE to see your children provided they are not dangerous and grandma is CURRENTLY a legal stranger.

 

[RiverSong42]

I am married. We have discussed adoption. We would prefer my ex to keep his rights, but if he chooses to sign off (and the judge agrees. After a certain number of stints in jail and rehab, the judge may not be to hard to convince), my husband would be proud to adopt.

As for his mother, what should it matter whether she has a legal right to see the kids or not? If she's good to them and respects you, then there should be no reason why you can't continue visitation as you have going now.

that's what I was asking... If court is mandatory. If it isn't, then great, less hassle for everyone involved, and the kids get to see grandma. Win-win.

 

[ecmst12]

He can't just decide to sign away his rights. A judge will never agree to that. Only if ALL parties are in agreement (including your husband) would it even be a remote possibility. He can't just file in court to give up his rights because he doesn't feel like being a dad anymore.

 

[RiverSong42]

He can't just decide to sign away his rights. A judge will never agree to that. Only if ALL parties are in agreement (including your husband) would it even be a remote possibility. He can't just file in court to give up his rights because he doesn't feel like being a dad anymore.

I feel he is making an empty threat here. Based on what he told the judge at our last support hearing, I'm sure he is just trying to get out of paying child support.

Sounds like a real winner, huh?

 

[mistoffolees]

I am married. We have discussed adoption. We would prefer my ex to keep his rights, but if he chooses to sign off (and the judge agrees. After a certain number of stints in jail and rehab, the judge may not be to hard to convince), my husband would be proud to adopt.

I would strongly encourage you and your husband to think this through. For example, if you adopt and later get divorced:
- Your husband could be paying child support to you for this child if you get custody.
- Or, your husband could get custody and you could be paying HIM child support.

Unless you're OK with either of those situations, leave adoption off the table.

that's what I was asking... If court is mandatory. If it isn't, then great, less hassle for everyone involved, and the kids get to see grandma. Win-win.

Yep. Let the kids see grandma when it's convenient to you. No need for court.

The only time you might need court is if Dad is a danger to the kids. Then you might have to file a restraining order against him.

 

[commentator]

This is the connection I made to the guy who doesn't want to pay the $32 a week who is currently posting. What do y'all think?

 

[RiverSong42]

This is the connection I made to the guy who doesn't want to pay the $32 a week who is currently posting. What do y'all think?

I thought that, too. That guy sounds like my ex. But what are the chances?

 

[Antigone*]

This is the connection I made to the guy who doesn't want to pay the $32 a week who is currently posting. What do y'all think?

Can you post the link to that one?

 

[mistoffolees]

Can you post the link to that one?

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-support-98/i-have-no-money-how-do-i-pay-support-569115.html

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

This is a dumb question, I know. In a nutshell, my ex is always threatening to sign away his parental rights to our 2 kids because he doesn't want to pay child support and never sees the kids anyway. Now, somehow his mother is actually a great person. She takes the kids to her house at least once a month (she lives 40 miles away, works, and has an 8 year old daughter, so that's kind of a big deal) she is always bringing things for the kids, tons of clothes, toys and sundries. Maybe she's trying to make up for her son, I don't know. Anyway, suffice it to.say, she's great, and the kids love her. And I personally trust her.

If my ex signs away parental rights, do we need to go to court for multiple hearings? Can we go to court and tell the judge we both agree to free and open visitation? Or can we skip court all together and keep doing things the way we do things now? If my ex signs away rights, is grandma a legal stranger?

Grandma is a legal stranger either way in that grandma does not have any inherent rights where your children are concerned. However, in nearly every state, including yours, standing to sue for grandparent visitation survives the termination of parental rights.

You can certainly continue doing what you are doing now. There is nothing stopping you from giving her as much visitation as you like. You don't have to set anything up in court in order to do so.

HOWEVER...dad probably is not going to be able to terminate his parental rights unless you are married and your husband is willing to adopt and take over the parental responsibilities

 

[Proserpina]

I thought that, too. That guy sounds like my ex. But what are the chances?

Well, is he ordered to pay $32/week?

Because that's a pretty unusually low number - I would think it's not too common....

 

[RiverSong42]

Well, is he ordered to pay $32/week?

Because that's a pretty unusually low number - I would think it's not too common....

My ex is (not) paying $32.50...

In which case, I'm deleting my posts a gtfo-ing. I'm not having a public flame war.

 

[muchneededhelp]

Well, is he ordered to pay $32/week?

Because that's a pretty unusually low number - I would think it's not too common....

My ex was only ordered to pay $30/week back in 2004, and it's only gone up $4 for the COLA. He was capable of paying probably $60-$70 a week at the time according to NYS child support standards.

Many judges in my immediate area are known to deviate significantly from the NYS standards, even with financial proofs to show that the non-custodial parent is capable of much higher support. Only when you fight them will they change it- usually thru NYS child support collection unit.